NOM

1. Never, ever answer the phone on a Sunday morning. Same goes for answering the door.

2. Don't shower, shave, or wear a tie on Sunday. If your a sister, this rule doesn't apply.

3. When your home teacher tries to schedule a visit, say "let me check my schedule and get back to you". Then don't. If they call or drop by in expectantly, see rule #1.

4. If it's fast Sunday, purposefully drip some food on your white shirt and dab your neck with maple syrup before heading out the door.

5. Bear a weird testimony that let's everyone think your missing a few cards from the deck.

6. When called upon to read a verse or paragraph in Sunday school, read extremely slooooow, while stutstutstuttering. Pronounce the word yeah as yeeeeeeeee and pause for dramatic affect.

7. Meh?

8. Start wearing a cross .... necklace, earrings, tie tack, etc.
9. Get a tattoo of one of the secret handshakes
10. Develop a sudden "sickness" on Sunday's (DD did that for years)

11. Let your son wear a sheep hat to church!

Sprinkle your conversation with such phrases as "Mormon Jesus", "Relative Revelation", and "Leadership Roulette".

13. Walk around your predominantly Mormon neighborhood carrying an open container of alcohol...don't have to actually drink it; just carrying it should do the trick.

14. Wear a rainbow flag pin or tie tack to meetings.

15. Shout "woohoo!" whenever you hear the word Satan.

Stig wrote: ↑Sun Aug 06, 2017 3:46 pm 13. Walk around your predominantly Mormon neighborhood carrying an open container of alcohol...don't have to actually drink it; just carrying it should do the trick.

Especially if you're going for shocking looks.
...or for a more subtle reaction, bring Starbucks cup - even decaf or tea will do the trick.

SeeNoEvil wrote: ↑Sun Aug 06, 2017 11:35 am 9. Get a tattoo of one of the secret handshakes

Or a tattoo of your favorite temple. Or your favorite prophet's face.

Stig wrote: ↑Sun Aug 06, 2017 3:46 pm 13. Walk around your predominantly Mormon neighborhood carrying an open container of alcohol...don't have to actually drink it; just carrying it should do the trick.

I always wanted to do this with an (empty?) 12-pack / case of PBR on the last day of the month, when others are delivering baked goods. A you pass the "baked goods" deliverer's in the street, ask: "Home Teaching?" and when they answer yes, raise the PBR and say: "Me Too!"

16. On Fast Sunday, bear your testimony of the quality of the music and message in the 'Book of Mormon' musical you saw the night before; you know, the way people used to bear testimonies based on The Work and the Glory series.

17. Call everyone by their first names only, including the Q15.

18. Spend all the meetings hanging around the foyer chatting.

19. When you aren't in the foyer chatting go for a drink run to the nearest gas station, ask who wants you to bring back a Diet Coke. Or if you're really daring, Starbucks.

20. Women: Wear clothing that makes it clear you aren't wearing garments, but no so clear as to let people boldy ask you about. Example: Any white top without G's under it with a modest skirt that hits just a few inches above the knee. Another idea is a blouse with wide open sleeves that expose your armpit, but still have a sleeve.

21. Go on vacation as often as possible on Sunday, even if it is just a local hike or fishing trip.

22. She getting reprimanded or judged for rules 1-21 mention how none of that will keep you out of the Telestial Kingdom and you are a Telestial Mormon.

23. Bring up the Essays as often as possible and encourage the bishopric to include them more fully in Sunday discussions.

24. Mow your lawn with your shirt off starting 15 minutes before church starts. (This only works in the MorCor, and for men).

MalcolmVillager wrote: ↑Sun Aug 06, 2017 8:29 pm 24. Mow your lawn with your shirt off starting 15 minutes before church starts. (This only works in the MorCor, and for men).

Uh, I hate to break it to you, but a topless female mowing the lawn would do just fine to "trasmit" to the local TBM folk "disengagement" from all things LDS. (Having the cops show up to rectify the situation 15 minutes before church would work pretty good too.)

wtfluff wrote: ↑Sun Aug 06, 2017 8:36 pm

MalcolmVillager wrote: ↑Sun Aug 06, 2017 8:29 pm 24. Mow your lawn with your shirt off starting 15 minutes before church starts. (This only works in the MorCor, and for men).

Uh, I hate to break it to you, but a topless female mowing the lawn would do just fine to "trasmit" to the local TBM folk "disengagement" from all things LDS. (Having the cops show up to rectify the situation 15 minutes before church would work pretty good too.)

A sports bra would be enough to keep the cops from showing up and still convey the desired message.

wtfluff wrote: ↑Sun Aug 06, 2017 5:51 pm

SeeNoEvil wrote: ↑Sun Aug 06, 2017 11:35 am 9. Get a tattoo of one of the secret handshakes

Or a tattoo of your favorite temple. Or your favorite prophet's face.

Or the BYU logo. There's a guy in my ward with a big blue Y on his calf. I love it. It stands for an institution that stands against tattoos. The first time I saw it my mind wrapped around itself.

21a. Return home from vacations right as church is starting or ending to put an exclamation point on it.

22. Sit on the front row at church and shout out a few "hallelujahs and Praise the Lord" when someone says something you like. .... (it worked for some guy in my W. Sacramento ward!!)

4. (revised) Stop by the water fountain every hour on fast Sundays
23. Bear your testimony about an R-rated movie
24. Express your thankfulness to the Lord for Skittles, ice-cream sundaes, Wendy's, and donuts during the closing prayer. (true story!)

25. Come to church pulling your boat/camper/other trailer so you can leave for vacation just after SM. Extra points if you come early and take up several prime parking spots or the spot for that one family that always has to have "their spot."

26. Walk into a ward event while carrying a Starbucks cup. The contents are irrelevant. Simply have the Mark of the Caffeine Beast on the side is sufficient.

27. At the next ward dinner, us the phrase "delicious to the taste and very desireable".

28. Refer to the September 1857 events at Mountain Meadows as a "Multi-Level Massacre". This may also keep the doTERRA and Younique distributors away from you.

29. Awkwardly scratch your neck with your thumb while holding "the fingers close together and the thumb extended." This is especially effective in front of members who attended the temple before 1990.