NOM

Well folks, yesterday was rough. My mom began to decline again two days ago and ended up back in the ICU. She and my father talked and she made clear that she didn't want to be hooked up to all kinds of hoses again. My father gathered some close relatives and friends to say goodbyes. Around 10 pm she said she was ready and they began to withdraw support. My father, her best friend from years past, and I sat with her holding her hand until the end.

That was maybe the toughest experience I've ever had.

I'm taking care of my dad right now to make sure he doesn't go off the rails.

I don't know what I believe anymore about the LDS afterlife. But I had a strong suspicion that I would see her again, so we must exist somehow after this? I know it's not very scientific, and maybe wishful thinking, but I'd really like to be reunited with her, my dad, and a literal pack of hounds (beagles, bassets, and a cocker spaniel).

We visited a funeral home in Northern Utah to make arrangements. It was essentially an LDS church meeting house (you know, same carpet, same Greg Olsen paintings, same furniture, curtains that would fit right in at a temple). Like a few times before I felt...the Spirit? I felt peaceful. And I feel like I want that back in my life. But I know that the Church and I will probably never be in agreement about my sexual orientation, and I can't let them hurt me anymore. I don't know...

Geez, rough day in NOMdom. I'm so sorry to hear this. We're all thinking of you!

Sorry to hear this Achilles. Please take care of yourself and your dad. Let us know how we can help in any way. Even if it's to talk to someone in real life. Many of us have received IRL support from fellow Nommies over the phone.

Sorry Achilles. Sending digital hugs.

I'm sorry to hear this. What a rough time for all! Glad you are there for your dad. Don't forget to take care of yourself! {{{achilles}}}

Thanks for sharing that. I hope you find some comfort through all this.

You got me to thinking. When my mom passes I'm sure she'll want the standard LDS funeral, which I'm fine with. It's quite possible she'll pass away and never know of my disaffection with the church. But what if I passed away tomorrow? My DW and I both want cremation and won't be buried in those funny JS undies. We just don't see the need to be putting financial burden on our loved ones with all the added expense of dealing with our dead bodies and paying for a plot of earth when we could just be sprinkled on the wind over some mountain top or lake. With both of our mom's unaware of our being out of the church, what would it be like for them to find out after the fact? I'm going to talk about this tonight with DW and we'll need to also update our living wills.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to hi-jack this thread or diminish your loss. Death of loved ones certainly changes one's frame of mind for a time. I think we might need a discussion on this topic on NOM in another thread.

My heart aches for your loss, Achilles. I'm so, so sorry.

RubinHighlander wrote: ↑Wed Jul 19, 2017 2:09 pm Thanks for sharing that. I hope you find some comfort through all this.

You got me to thinking. When my mom passes I'm sure she'll want the standard LDS funeral, which I'm fine with. It's quite possible she'll pass away and never know of my disaffection with the church. But what if I passed away tomorrow? My DW and I both want cremation and won't be buried in those funny JS undies. We just don't see the need to be putting financial burden on our loved ones with all the added expense of dealing with our dead bodies and paying for a plot of earth when we could just be sprinkled on the wind over some mountain top or lake. With both of our mom's unaware of our being out of the church, what would it be like for them to find out after the fact? I'm going to talk about this tonight with DW and we'll need to also update our living wills.

She asked to donate organs and be cremated. We'll still get a burial plot where the main urn will be interred, and keep a small urn at home with the ashes of the dogs. (and I suspect my dad will "accidentally" drop a few ashes at Disneyland this fall).

She will be dressed in temple clothing for the cremation. It comforts my father, and since there will be no viewing, I don't have any problem with that.

The funeral will not be the standard LDS funeral. We will have a service at the funeral home (which is essentially an LDS chapel), where we will pick the music, speakers, topics, etc. The cremation and service package is around $3000. Small price to pay to avoid the standard LDS funeral high-jacked by a Plan o'Salvation spiel. We control who is invited and how the service goes.

Condolences Achiles.

You're a great son, you know that? If I pass peacefully, all I hope for is a loved one or two there to hold my hand like you did with your mom. <3

I just went to my digital freezer to get one of these for MoPag,. It must have been the spirit whispering to me to make two, that day.

I'm so sorry. Your mother is no longer suffering, but I am so sorry for your loss.



{{{Achilles}}}

I'm so, so sorry.

achilles wrote: ↑Wed Jul 19, 2017 1:36 pm I don't know what I believe anymore about the LDS afterlife. But I had a strong suspicion that I would see her again, so we must exist somehow after this? I know it's not very scientific, and maybe wishful thinking, but I'd really like to be reunited with her, my dad, and a literal pack of hounds (beagles, bassets, and a cocker spaniel).

Such an afterlife sounds lovely.

I'm sorry Achilles, that sounds like a really difficult day. I hope your mom is resting peacefully now. That's good of you to care for your dad in this tough time.

(((Achilles))). Hugs for you in your time of loss. Even when you are somewhat prepared, when loss is real, it still hurts like hell.

So sorry to hear your sad news. Hoping you and your dad find comfort in memories and each other.

achilles wrote: ↑Wed Jul 19, 2017 1:36 pm I don't know what I believe anymore about the LDS afterlife. But I had a strong suspicion that I would see her again, so we must exist somehow after this? I know it's not very scientific, and maybe wishful thinking, but I'd really like to be reunited with her, my dad, and a literal pack of hounds (beagles, bassets, and a cocker spaniel).

So sorry for your loss, Achilles. Find your happy place, your mom will be there.

I'm so sorry for your loss - truly a tough day at NOM with some of our family losing some of theirs.

achilles wrote: ↑Wed Jul 19, 2017 2:31 pm The funeral will not be the standard LDS funeral. We will have a service at the funeral home (which is essentially an LDS chapel), where we will pick the music, speakers, topics, etc. The cremation and service package is around $3000. Small price to pay to avoid the standard LDS funeral high-jacked by a Plan o'Salvation spiel. We control who is invited and how the service goes.

That sounds wonderful. I'm thinking I will make sure this happens in a written will for myself, so no POS highjacking will occur at mine either. A great idea, and I'm sure your Mom will be remembered properly.

Please accept my condolences, Achilles. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts today.

I am so sorry. I hope your vision of an afterlife is fulfilled.

I had a very similar experience with my mom. It's tough. Thoughts and prayers, Achilles.

Sorry for your loss. I lost my belief in mormonism, but not my faith in an afterlife.