Crummy HTs & VTs

[Give It Time]

HighMaintenaceMe's experience augment some recent experiences of my own.

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=1755

You know I complain about the HT and VT programs. I recently attended RS for the first time in a very long time. I sat with and have been discussing with my VT the lesson. She is my choice, because I've been almost inactive and she's the only real contact I have with anyone in the ward. She made a judgemental comment to me that I should be attending all my meetings and her responses to my thoughts about the very beautiful lesson have been kind of preachy. Thing is, for a VT, I think she's very normal.

We represent the beginning of things to come. More and more people will leave the church, however I believe that more and more people will become like us: losing most or all of our testimonies but wanting to stay engaged for the sake of family. This is a problem I see being created by the church, or at least its doctrines and practices. If my son weren't likely to wed in the temple, I would be more assertive about leaving. I think a lot it the people are in the same boat as I am. Others have children they want to baptize or a spouse they want to accommodate, so our continued involvement has become about family and not testimony, making this church truly a family church.

In my particular case and I'm not fully aware of HMM's situation, but it looks like her sole contact with the church is her HT, just as mine is my VT and, like I said, I think there will just become more members like us. When I leave my ward and essentially go inactive, I will be assigned VTs and HTs whether I want them or not. Here's the tricky part, though. I consider myself a spiritual person, if a lesson looks like it could be uplifting, I'm more than happy to attend. If the lesson looks like it will be triggering, I'd rather go for a walk in nature. IOW, I'm still willing to stay engaged with the church on a level that I own. It's between me and the Lord, right? Here's the ironic and also important part, for people such as us, HTs and VTs become the face of the ward. They're kind of like the free samples at the grocery store for the entire product.

With my recent exchanges with my new bishop and RSP, I'm both relieved and surprised that the ward hasn't been nearly as harshly judgemental as I've believed. I have talked directly to a few people under the past leadership and they did confirm for me the harsh judgement, but it wasn't nearly as widespread as I believed. My recent experiences with my VT have been so dissatisfactory and my conversations with my RSP and bishop so satisfying that I'm beginning to think that I got the negative impression of my ward because of my VT.

I did a brief search, but couldn't find the reference, but I've read that the HT/VT programs were established to keep people from escaping polygamy. Now, I'm going to go on the spirit of the thing and a beneficent interpretation. These programs were established to keep people in the church and that remains their purpose.. That is the point of the monthly visit and message and invasive questions. I want to look beyond the creepy and controlling factor, because I stated above that there are those if us who choose to stay engaged, at least for a time, because of family.

This time, last year, I was contemplating resigning. One of the reasons was because Mormons are just the way they are. I may not believe, but they just won't let that be. That is approximately what HMM is experiencing. Here's my point, though:

The purpose of Home Teaching and Visiting Teaching is to keep people in the church. If a marginalized member's experience with a Home/Visiting Teacher is such that the marginalized member is contemplating resigning, something's wrong.

I'm not talking about offended. HMM's HT is literally pushing her out and I have a friend who's HT did just that. If my sole contact with the church is invasive, rude, judgemental and disrespectful, then I'd say it's a very sane decision for me to stay not away from an organization that my VT believes gives her permission to behave that way. If this were the bahavior in another religion, the church would support that assessment. Yes, the part in bold was for the COB, but it was also for me and anyone else here who has HTs or VTs who are leaving them with a bad taste in their mouths. I am going to be meditating on this and developing a plan. Part of that plan may simply be requesting a change, but like I said, I think my VT is on the normal side. I'm going to try other things to make this more tenable. Just wanted to say that bit, though. The point of these programs is to keep people in the church, not wanting to leave.

HMM, I hope it's okay I borrowed your story. I fully support what you want to do when you want to do it.

[redjay]

i'd be a pure hypocrite if I called out my (or anyone others) HT's as my performance over the last 20 years has been woeful.

[Give It Time]

No judgement. Being a no show (but letting them know who your are so they know who to call) might just be the ticket for a lot of families, both active and non.