Visit from HT, death of my father, and other things

[HighMaintenance]

Jumbled title because my thoughts are rather jumbled.

Sometime last week, my new HT decided to stop by the house. I wasn't home from work yet, but never-Mo DH was working on the boat in the front yard with a frosty beer. DH told HT (yet again) that I don't have any interest in ever going back and that I don't want them harassing me anymore. HT was a little put off by the harassing thing. He told DH that, paraphrasing, they'd keep harassing me as long as I was a member of record. DH said, okay, how does she get her name off the records? HT said that it has to go through the bishop and he'd mail me the information I need to make it happen.

So, the reason I was late getting home from work was because my Mom had called just before I left work to let me know my Dad was in bad shape and was going into hospice care. He has been living in a care facility for about a year and, frankly, this was not unexpected.

Early Saturday morning, I got the call that he had passed.

Saturday afternoon, a letter from HT, containing a SASE with the bishops info on it , came in the mail.

My ultimate plan has been to resign after my Dad passed, but this was just too surreal. I'm not thrilled that DH pushed the resignation thing, but since the only thing that has worked with HT & the bishopric in the past was for DH to tell them to back off, I get what I deserve!

So, the SASE is sitting on my counter. We're getting ready to make the 15 hour drive to see my father's earthy remains off and it's tearing me apart because I will miss my Dad so much. I just know how disappointed he was with me in churchy things.

But, a hummingbird built her nest on the hanger for one of the windchimes on our patio over Memorial Day weekend, hatched a chick on Father's Day, successfully raised it during one of the most brutal weeks of high temps I've seen since moving to Arizona, and today the baby is almost as big as momma and is getting ready to leave the nest. I'm sure by the time we're back from Idaho, baby will have flown away. We also had a nest of quail hatch in once of the planters in our front courtyard.

My Dad was an avid outdoorsman and raised me to love everything in nature, especially spring time and baby animals, so I've been totally enthralled with watching the nesting birds in our yard this year.

So, anyone that knows me IRL, I pretty much gave myself away.

[Corsair]

I am so sorry for your loss. This is a hard thing to go through. I felt like I saw a number of ironic and painful coincidences when my mother passed. Good luck as you move forward.

[Korihor]

My sympathies for your loss and time of struggle.

[blazerb]

I am so sorry for your loss. Take care.

[Red Ryder]

Sorry to hear about your dad at a time when the church continues to harass you. Maybe it's time to resign. Maybe it's not. Do it when you know that's what you need to do.

Your post reminds me of the importance in finding new meaning when the POS no longer works. Nature never fails and the beauty lasts forever.

Enjoy the road trip and reflect on your father. May you always have good memories.

[deacon blues]

I miss my Mom, even after 12 years, so I know how bed one can feel after losing a parent. Good thoughts to you in your time of mourning.

[Silver Girl]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the overall stress of the week. I am sure it's difficult to have your father's passing happen concurrently with your desire to resign being revealed. I believe the connection between those of us on earth and our loved ones who have passed on is unbroken. I also believe we can take heart in little "messages" such as the hummingbird. We had similar messages from each of my parents after they passed, and our family was not LDS.

Stay strong and take care of yourself as you go through the difficult days ahead. You're in the thoughts (prayers, too) of your NOM family.

[wtfluff]

Condolences.

[HighMaintenance]

Thank you so much everyone! I'm putting the resignation thing out of my mind for a while so I can focus on family. It just really doesn't matter that much.

[redjay]

[Give It Time]

Thank you so much everyone! I'm putting the resignation thing out of my mind for a while so I can focus on family. It just really doesn't matter that much.

Before you shelved it, your story is so almost exactly the same as a friend of mine. She stopped believing, her husband did, too. HT kept coming by. Kept inviting them to church. They were quite open and honest that they no longer believed and just wanted to be left alone. They finally asked the HT what it would take to get him to stop harassing them. He said he would continue to harass them as long as they were members. So, they resigned.

My personal view is it's the HT who is the problem. HTs like this are essentially forcing people to resign. That is a person's personal choice and they don't have a right to force the issue. If I get a situation like this, I plan to threaten with a restraining order and follow through, if necessary. HTs are supposed to serve the needs of the people in their stewardship, not be jackasses who push out doubters. Very un-Christlike, IMO. Resign when you want to resign and not when anyone else tells you to. Now, put it on your shelf.

I am terribly, terribly sorry for your loss. Losing a parent just simply sucks. Even when I believed we'd be reunited in the eternities, it sucked, because I loved them. I wanted them here.

[MoPag]

((Hugs))

Screw the church and your HT. They do not deserve space in your mind or heart right now.

I'll say a prayer to Goddess for you and your family!

[Rob4Hope]

My mother passed away about 8 months ago, and I am a care-giver now for my aged father. He is just this side of needing to be in a home. Mentally he is there, but he is cranky and can be mean. He is demanding, but I am holding on and doing the service out of love.

We hardly have a single HT or anyone from the church visit,...ever. And we live in the LDS Motherland (I can walk the perimeter of the ward in 15 min,...and the stake in about 2 hours).

The disparity of our differences is astonishing--you can't get them to leave you alone; and my father, who is a faithful member, can't get them to ever show up.

I was out of the church about 4 years ago,and as time passes, I see the "blessing" (can I use that word?) of being out. My family is disappointed that I am gone,...but they aren't willing to care-give,... are they. So, they just shut up and are grateful. And that suits me fine. Church stuff is not part of our interactions. They go their way, and I go mine,...and there really is a LOT of middle ground between us--there is no need to even discuss the church.

I understand a little of your pain with the death you had. And from someone who has also lost and is loosing loved ones, I send a hug your way. You are not alone friend. You got people who care.

[StarbucksMom]

Thank you so much everyone! I'm putting the resignation thing out of my mind for a while so I can focus on family. It just really doesn't matter that much.

This is perfect. Don't let the HT anywhere near your home again. I have had to, on several occasions, send emails to the bishop at the time requesting no unannounced visits from ward members or missionaries. I've had to also text/email missionaries the same, and as of late, I have actually said to them when they showed up on a Sunday & my hudband had the stomach flu, "Please don't come by without an appt, I feel bad having to turn you away." It's tricky though bc my husband is TBM. I think you could do the same, just say your family is going through alot, and NO visits from ward members are allowed. (unless its a friend of course)

Who was that Darth Vader guy from the old board? Forgot his username. Anyway, do you remember he made a sign saying something like "no solicitors/Religious visits by appointment only. Violaters will be reported under code blah blah--"
You NEED one of those HMM!!

And so sorry for your loss.

[Linked]

I'm sorry for your loss, hang in there in these tough times. Don't worry about resigning, do it on your timeline.

[dispirited]

I love the way you described the humming birds and quail in your yard. It sounded like your dad would have loved to watch them hatch and grow. I'm sure he loved you no matter what you believed about the church.

[Lithium Sunset]

I know you said it wasn't unexpected but I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Good idea to set the resignation aside. Hope you're doing okay!
Thinking about you.

[HighMaintenance]

Thank you, all. We got back home today - 2100 miles in 5 days, whew ...

The services were beautiful, with lots of good memories of my Dad and a brief blurb by the Bishop who had only met him once. Very non-handbook funeral, as they all should be.

[MalcolmVillager]

Sorry for your loss. He will always be with you. You are doing what is right. Have peace in that!