Coming back to say hello!
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2017 7:46 pm
Hello everyone,
I am the great Galileo (from NOM boards past). I think the last time I logged onto NOM was probably around 2009. Out of the blue, I decided I should share my story on the board in the hopes that it might help someone else going through what I’ve gone through. Sorry - this is going to be a long post...
A bit of background on me… I was raised in a TBM family in the heartland. Almost everyone in both extended families were (and still are) TBM. I went on a mission. I got back from the mission, and before I even had time to undergo my “normalization” (readjusting back into normal society), I met my future spouse. I proposed within weeks and we were married in the temple within months. It was only a couple months after that that I began to really question the whole church thing.
I gradually “came out” as a “general christian” to my very understanding Bishop and my not so enthused wife. Eventually I realized I was lying. I wasn’t Christian. I was agnostic. I attended a Unitarian Universalist church a few times but it didn’t seem like my “home”. They weren’t my “people” - my “tribe”. Mormons were. It was rough. We tried to make the marriage work, but after around two years of marriage, we split up and filed for divorce.
We had no kids at the time. I “came out” to my family and grandparents. With the divorce pending and my family abandoning me (from my point of view) en masse, I decided to really “buckle down” and pray hard and study the scriptures. I was at a fork in the road, and I really didn’t want to make the wrong decision here. I needed to know if it was true. Unfortunately I came to the conclusion through study and prayer that it was true. I was back on God’s path. My wife and I got back together (the divorce hadn’t finalized). My family embraced me again and said “welcome back”. Within weeks of getting back together, I knew I had make a mistake.
For the next 6 years, I remained undercover. We had three kids. I knew I was digging myself into a hole. I contemplated suicide many times, but of course never could or would for my kids’ sakes. Eventually I decided to come out to my wife as atheist. She said she knew I was, and that she knew I was “undercover” all these years. I decided to come out as atheist to all my friends and family. Everyone was much more supportive this time around.
It’s one thing to love and support a friend or family member for being atheist. It’s another to be TBM and be married to one. My wife tried. I tried. But it just wasn’t going to work out long term and we got a divorce (finalized this time).
Fast forward… I’m now openly atheist (not in your face… but if it comes up) to everyone I know. Since then, I have found someone I truly love and we are getting married this fall. It is rough not being with my kids all of the time, and it is sad that they are victims in all of this. But I knew I wouldn’t last in that marriage for too many more years, and I decided doing this while my kids were young was better than waiting until they were older. I haven’t regretted the decision once. I have finally found happiness after so many years of being in the church.
Hopefully my story can help someone in some way. I remember many years of extreme darkness - not seeing a way out of all of this. I made it through to the end, and there is a lot of joy to be had on the other side. I’m not bitter toward the church or my ex-wife or any family members. My relationship with all of my family is great. My only regret is that I wasted so many years in hiding. Everyone’s situation is different, and I hesitate to offer any advice to anyone. But if I were to offer advice, it would be this: Lying to yourself and/or others about who you really are will only bring heartache and sorrow… tell the truth and be open to all, as soon as you can muster the courage, consequences be damned.
Have a good day everyone!
I am the great Galileo (from NOM boards past). I think the last time I logged onto NOM was probably around 2009. Out of the blue, I decided I should share my story on the board in the hopes that it might help someone else going through what I’ve gone through. Sorry - this is going to be a long post...
A bit of background on me… I was raised in a TBM family in the heartland. Almost everyone in both extended families were (and still are) TBM. I went on a mission. I got back from the mission, and before I even had time to undergo my “normalization” (readjusting back into normal society), I met my future spouse. I proposed within weeks and we were married in the temple within months. It was only a couple months after that that I began to really question the whole church thing.
I gradually “came out” as a “general christian” to my very understanding Bishop and my not so enthused wife. Eventually I realized I was lying. I wasn’t Christian. I was agnostic. I attended a Unitarian Universalist church a few times but it didn’t seem like my “home”. They weren’t my “people” - my “tribe”. Mormons were. It was rough. We tried to make the marriage work, but after around two years of marriage, we split up and filed for divorce.
We had no kids at the time. I “came out” to my family and grandparents. With the divorce pending and my family abandoning me (from my point of view) en masse, I decided to really “buckle down” and pray hard and study the scriptures. I was at a fork in the road, and I really didn’t want to make the wrong decision here. I needed to know if it was true. Unfortunately I came to the conclusion through study and prayer that it was true. I was back on God’s path. My wife and I got back together (the divorce hadn’t finalized). My family embraced me again and said “welcome back”. Within weeks of getting back together, I knew I had make a mistake.
For the next 6 years, I remained undercover. We had three kids. I knew I was digging myself into a hole. I contemplated suicide many times, but of course never could or would for my kids’ sakes. Eventually I decided to come out to my wife as atheist. She said she knew I was, and that she knew I was “undercover” all these years. I decided to come out as atheist to all my friends and family. Everyone was much more supportive this time around.
It’s one thing to love and support a friend or family member for being atheist. It’s another to be TBM and be married to one. My wife tried. I tried. But it just wasn’t going to work out long term and we got a divorce (finalized this time).
Fast forward… I’m now openly atheist (not in your face… but if it comes up) to everyone I know. Since then, I have found someone I truly love and we are getting married this fall. It is rough not being with my kids all of the time, and it is sad that they are victims in all of this. But I knew I wouldn’t last in that marriage for too many more years, and I decided doing this while my kids were young was better than waiting until they were older. I haven’t regretted the decision once. I have finally found happiness after so many years of being in the church.
Hopefully my story can help someone in some way. I remember many years of extreme darkness - not seeing a way out of all of this. I made it through to the end, and there is a lot of joy to be had on the other side. I’m not bitter toward the church or my ex-wife or any family members. My relationship with all of my family is great. My only regret is that I wasted so many years in hiding. Everyone’s situation is different, and I hesitate to offer any advice to anyone. But if I were to offer advice, it would be this: Lying to yourself and/or others about who you really are will only bring heartache and sorrow… tell the truth and be open to all, as soon as you can muster the courage, consequences be damned.
Have a good day everyone!
