NOM

So what if you got up Sunday morning and said to your spouse let's not go to our church today let's go to The Lutheran church or Baptist church or whatever church ?? Do you think they would go along with it ??? Or just go and hate it or just go and really get something out of it ? I know my TBM spouse would say no and you are not going either !!!! I would love to just get up and go to another church just to see what it is like. I even have a dream of taking a year off from the LDS church and going to a different church every week , although I know she will never permit it , it is nice to dream of it !!! Tell us all what you think .........

I dream of this too. I told my spouse that when the kids are grown and we've moved I won't be active. I said I'd like to find a church with a soup kitchen or homeless shelter and participate there. He was disappointed and sad. Then over time he started saying he was looking forward to volunteering with me. I was excited until I realized he meant this would be added to his Mormon activities not instead of.

I do attend another church, and my wife came with me for a Christmas program, and another service where I performed a musical number. I still go to Sacrament meetings with her on occasion. Usually we attend separate meetings, and compare notes over Sunday dinner.

I worked for other churches for a number of years while still LDS. The last couple of years before we exited I was mentally out but still attended to help my spouse. My then-wife was quite afraid of those churches and I finally told her, "Why don't you just come to one of their services? You'll see that they are harmless". She decided to go to an Ash Wednesday service. The next day she was in the priest's office, resigned from the LDS church about a week later, and was baptized on Easter vigil that year.

I knew that she struggled in her Mormon beliefs and especially over the role of women in the LDS church. I didn't realize that she was deathly afraid of stepping out of Mormonism because she embodied what was later stated by Elder Ballard, "Where will you go?" She just needed an answer to that question, and had to step, just once out of her comfort zone to realize that there was something outside of Mormonism.

Her's was not a unique situation, but I don't think it is all that common at the same time.

I've been talking about doing this for a while now, and I think my husband is used to me saying it, but he's not sure how serious I am. Over Sunday breakfast I asked the kids if they would like to see another church that one of my friends goes to - they said yes. The truth is, I'm nervous about attending because there are so many logistical questions I have and I know my husband will expect us to go to Mormon church too - and that's church overload. I just don't know if I can do that to myself. I'm also nervous about what ward leadership would do/say if they found out. I shouldn't care, but I do. I worry it will put my husband in a difficult situation.

I really want my kids to see other churches. I want them to know that there are other beliefs out there, that other churches are fun, that there are all kinds of people. My dad recently told me one of his regrets is that he never took us kids to other churches when we were growing up.

Caveat- I don't live in the Moridor- but do live in/near the Bible belt.

We have been invited to attend other friend's and neighbor's churches. We have gone on occasion, but their religions are just as strict if not worse than LDS.

I have high hopes to attend one of those mega-churches the ones that are all about love and singing and happy times, with none of the hell fire and damnation. But lately, my church has been the church of sleeping in and going to the park.

Just be prepared for the shock of getting out of church after an hour! Most churches here hold their "Sunday School" type of classes on Wednesday nights.

One of the big aha moments I've had is being able to recognize how much fear and terror played a role in my Mormon faith. While other fundamentalist religions may have drilled a particular image of Jesus into the heads of their children, I had mine filled with the all powerful nature of the church and its leaders. I make the comparison here because they occupy the same places in the mind. I was way more afraid of falling out of the church than I ever was falling out with God or Jesus. The church held that position of awe, total power, and transcendence.

So what's the greatest thing in the world? The LDS church and its prophets. What's the absolute worst thing in the world? Leaving the church or being affiliated with anything else. The fear is visceral, it shakes you to your core. Survival simply isn't possible without it, and going somewhere else is the ultimate act of foolishness, a betrayal beyond words.

I got to witness this visceral fear first hand when I went with my in-laws to Independence Missouri. I wanted to tour the RLDS temple and look at their Book of Mormon manuscript pages. It wasn't two minutes after stepping foot in the building that my mother in-law passed out. She had to be carried out of the building, and she later explained that she had passed out because of the evil spirits there, and that she couldn't go back.

So it makes sense that members of the church are not okay with you staying home from church, but they would be mortified if you went somewhere else. They'd rather you stayed home and drank beer in the living room than get dressed up and visit a Lutheran service. It's not the love of the Mormon church that motivates this, but the fear of it, the absolute fear of apostate churches who were organized by the devil.

My wife has gone to a few different services with a few work friends. She feels it's important to support them in same way she expects them to support her when she invites them to listen to the choir or attend a temple open house. She has even expressed how nice they were and how she felt the spirit there.

I'm not really interested in attending other churches. I've done that before as part of a world religions class I took in college called the Joy of Sects. The Jewish synagogue was interesting. Ten minutes into the service and some lady grabs a few skull caps and placed them on our heads. We had no idea we were supposed to put them on.

When I was young, I was in a children's choir. We performed all kinds of places, including services at LDS wards and other denominations.

A bit stealthy, but if there were a choir in your area or something similar, that could work.

My parents didn't believe in sheltering me religiously and I am grateful. I believe it's important simply for understanding our neighbors around the corner as well as our neighbors around the world.

If she's really still afraid, just casually point out all the times our church leaders attend services for other religions. Even if you're true blue TBM, I believe it's important to build bridges. Follow the prophet.

If you want to go to another church, just go. If your wife says you can't, tell her you're a grown man, that you're not doing anything disrespectful like hanging out at a bar and getting drunk while picking up on women. You're going to church.

I have done this, and taken kids with me. It has upset my husband, but I need to be spiritually filled sometimes and Mormon church is awful. I can't feel close to God there anymore.

You resigned, so it's not like she thinks you believe it anyway. Don't let her treat you like a prisoner. I have said this to you before, but if you respect her while standing up for yourself and not backing down, she will start respecting you more also. You can't live like this forever.

Well I just sent in my Resignation !!! I'm thrilled but also have lots of anxiety wondering if my marriage will last when she finds out !!! I actually looked up emotional abusers on line tonight and guess what my wife fits the model 100% . We will see I guess.

StarbucksMom wrote: ↑Wed Jun 14, 2017 9:39 pm If you want to go to another church, just go. If your wife says you can't, tell her you're a grown man, that you're not doing anything disrespectful like hanging out at a bar and getting drunk while picking up on women. You're going to church.

I have done this, and taken kids with me. It has upset my husband, but I need to be spiritually filled sometimes and Mormon church is awful. I can't feel close to God there anymore.

You resigned, so it's not like she thinks you believe it anyway. Don't let her treat you like a prisoner. I have said this to you before, but if you respect her while standing up for yourself and not backing down, she will start respecting you more also. You can't live like this forever.

Well I just sent in my Resignation !!! I'm thrilled but also have lots of anxiety wondering if my marriage will last when she finds out !!! I actually looked up emotional abusers on line tonight and guess what my wife fits the model 100% . We will see I guess.

This is such an excellent point. You're not going to a bar. You're not picking up women. You're not doing drugs. You're not gambling.

You're going to church. Church!

Does she have any freaking clue how lucky she is that's your vice?

I also stand by my previous comments. A palatable way to get her to visit other congregations is by belonging to a music performing group. We shouldn't be isolating ourselves from other world views. If the prophet and GAs go to religious services for other denominations--and they sometimes do--she can, too.

First I wouldn't ever ask. Second, if I did ask, my guess is that I would get one of two responses:

1. There would be a great deal of anger, hurt feelings, and fear on her part. She would probably something like "Go. I don't care what you do". She would probably not speak to me for a couple of days, then hit me with a massive guilt attack.

2. Or, she would simply say "no your not"', which over the past 35 years of marriage I've comed to learn means "don't cross this line or your life as you know it will take a serious turn for the worse. Guaranteed.

Thanks Give it time & Starbucks mom!!!!!!!