My own fault?

[Anon70]

I took a calling teaching. I've mostly enjoyed it. (I'm non-believing attending TR holding..). I try to present the material in new and interesting ways. Not the same old. I do a tiny bit NOM but I'm careful.

Lesson wasn't going great today and then right in the middle someone who doesn't enjoy my lessons raised their hand and asked me why I have to make everything so complicated. The gospel is simple. Just stick to the manual.

I felt humiliated. And I felt frustrated that I'm trying to do this for family and find a middle way that works for us all. So my fault for taking the calling? For trying to step outside of the correlated materials and stepford mentally? I'm so tired of the repetition and thought others might be too but maybe it's their safe place and I'm rocking the boat?

[oliver_denom]

The way I used to handle lessons was by swinging everything back toward doctrines I believe in like love, charity, humility, forgiveness, and tolerance. No one reads the manual anyway, so you won't get called out on that.

I do think using lessons to reach against something, even if it's obliquely, is a bit out of bounds. For lessons I couldn't adapt, I would open a floor discussion and let everyone bare testimony.

[Give It Time]

I'm so sorry this was your lot, today. In public, too.

You're critic, in my estimation, looks way worse than you. I'm sure there are others in the room who agree with me. That was a serious lack of gratitude and an incredible amount of hubris.

I would have walked over to this person, handed them the chalk or marker or whatever and said, "calling's yours". What I did next would depend on my mood. Do I walk out and go to a movie? Or do I stay and heckle my critic? Decisions... decisions....

I've had people criticize me for how I did my calling. I've offered it to them. Honestly offered it to them. I'm a volunteer. No need to take crap from critics.

If you want to go really simple you could just dial in your next lesson. No work. No effort. Just read from the manual.

[Anon70]

The way I used to handle lessons was by swinging everything back toward doctrines I believe in like love, charity, humility, forgiveness, and tolerance. No one reads the manual anyway, so you won't get called out on that.

I do think using lessons to reach against something, even if it's obliquely, is a bit out of bounds. For lessons I couldn't adapt, I would open a floor discussion and let everyone bare testimony.

Wouldnt say I was reaching against anything. More trying to have an engaging conversation. I don't read from the manual. I ask a lot of questions and try to focus on Christ like behavior.

[Anon70]

If you want to go really simple you could just dial in your next lesson. No work. No effort. Just read from the manual.

Honestly, that's how I felt. I put quite a bit of effort into my lessons and thought-perhaps that's not what is wanted. Just show up and give the standard 1, 2, 3 and go home. It's disappointing but maybe my fault because I had hoped to make these classes more engaging and interesting.

I'd like to think others in the room disagreed - there were a few comments after that were more in my line of thinking but No one spoke to me afterwards which was unusual. Makes me wish I could make a clean break instead of faking it for the family stuff.

[Give It Time]

If you want to go really simple you could just dial in your next lesson. No work. No effort. Just read from the manual.

Honestly, that's how I felt. I put quite a bit of effort into my lessons and thought-perhaps that's not what is wanted. Just show up and give the standard 1, 2, 3 and go home. It's disappointing but maybe my fault because I had hoped to make these classes more engaging and interesting.

I'd like to think others in the room disagreed - there were a few comments after that were more in my line of thinking but No one spoke to me afterwards which was unusual. Makes me wish I could make a clean break instead of faking it for the family stuff.

Every time my VTs go home, I come on here and post frustrated posts how visiting teaching could be less invasive, more uplifting, more useful. Know what occurred to me recently? I care more than they do. I put way more time and effort into their visit than they do.

My mother was asked to speak in church, back in the day. She worked very hard on her talk. I was dismayed when I saw most of the people's eyes glaze over. Afterwards, she said she felt like she could have gotten up and read an article from Time magazine and no one would have known the difference.

We put in a lot of storm and strife on this site over this church. The church would like us gone, but are afraid to admit one small thing. We put in more time on the church than most of the people in the pews. We care more about the church than the standard TBM.

It sucks that it's like this. I'm sorry you put in so much work and care and got such a poor response with a topping of rude, ungrateful hater whipped cream and a this happening in public cherry on top. That is one disgusting sundae for your Sunday.

You went to all the effort, because you care about this church, this people and you want them to come away enriched. If that's your fault. It's a good fault to have.

[Anon70]

If you want to go really simple you could just dial in your next lesson. No work. No effort. Just read from the manual.

Honestly, that's how I felt. I put quite a bit of effort into my lessons and thought-perhaps that's not what is wanted. Just show up and give the standard 1, 2, 3 and go home. It's disappointing but maybe my fault because I had hoped to make these classes more engaging and interesting.

I'd like to think others in the room disagreed - there were a few comments after that were more in my line of thinking but No one spoke to me afterwards which was unusual. Makes me wish I could make a clean break instead of faking it for the family stuff.

Every time my VTs go home, I come on here and post frustrated posts how visiting teaching could be less invasive, more uplifting, more useful. Know what occurred to me recently? I care more than they do. I put way more time and effort into their visit than they do.

My mother was asked to speak in church, back in the day. She worked very hard on her talk. I was dismayed when I saw most of the people's eyes glaze over. Afterwards, she said she felt like she could have gotten up and read an article from Time magazine and no one would have known the difference.

We put in a lot of storm and strife on this site over this church. The church would like us gone, but are afraid to admit one small thing. We put in more time on the church than most of the people in the pews. We care more about the church than the standard TBM.

It sucks that it's like this. I'm sorry you put in so much work and care and got such a poor response with a topping of rude, ungrateful hater whipped cream and a this happening in public cherry on top. That is one disgusting sundae for your Sunday.

You went to all the effort, because you care about this church, this people and you want them to come away enriched. If that's your fault. It's a good fault to have.

I felt sad about this all day with no one to talk to. No one really knows about my lack of TBM-ness. This is exactly what I needed- just some support and validation. Thank you Give It Time. I appreciate you.

Edited to add: you make an excellent point-if those of us actually studying and making an effort were to leave-what would that do to the church!?

[wtfluff]

Lesson wasn't going great today and then right in the middle someone who doesn't enjoy my lessons raised their hand and asked me why I have to make everything so complicated. The gospel is simple. Just stick to the manual.

I would have walked over to this person, handed them the chalk or marker or whatever and said, "calling's yours". What I did next would depend on my mood. Do I walk out and go to a movie? Or do I stay and heckle my critic? Decisions... decisions....

I'm with GIT on this one. The answer to this self righteous ******* is: "You're more than welcome to come up here and teach the simple gospel from the manual." With my attitude at this point, I would probably just exit the room at that point, and either find the bishop and quit, or just head for the chapel exit.

I had much the same experience once while "volunteer refereeing" a non-competitive soccer game of kids less than 10 years old. After way too many complaints form parents on the opposing team, I blew my whistle, told the kids to hold on a second, walked over near the complainers and held up the whistle and asked who would like to take my place? The opposing team's coach ran over and told me everything was fine, and basically turned to the complaining parents and told them to shut their traps, and the complaints from the sidelines stopped.

Honestly, probably 80-90% of the folks in the chairs are literally church zombies. They aren't there to learn anything, they are there because they believe that it's a requirement. Then there's the folks like the guy who spoke up, who are only really paying attention so they can point out where someone isn't following the correlated manual, because they think that knocking someone down a notch on the TBM-ness ladder makes them look better. The honest truth is: It's just the opposite.

[Not Buying It]

The manuals suck. They really, really suck. Anyone trying to make lessons better deserves praise, not criticism. Your critic was a moron.

[Ghost]

Whenever I have taught classes in recent years, I have used the manuals to set the general theme and then attempted to teach the type of lesson I'd want to sit in on. That is, attempt to generate a meaningful discussion. And I guess that would have been my response had anyone complained. But no one ever did in my case, even when I got a little edgy at times.

I have not taught a class in a while, and I sometimes wonder how much more difficult it might be for me to do it now given that mentally, my steady trajectory into the void has never slowed.

[Raylan Givens]

Not a fun situation.

I make people uncomfortable when I teach. I am a teacher by training, and approach it like a school lesson. I make the class talk to their partners and give them paper to write ideas. After they talk I just call on people, no more raised hands. I even give a form of homework. Most like it, but to some it feels like work and requires thinking.

I wouldn't confront the critic, because people want to be spoon fed answers, do ever give in. Keep teaching your way and making them reach and think.

[redjay]

I'm pretty sure the bishopric are grateful you are teaching. Able and willing volunteers can be difficult to find. Take no heed of the rude mentally lazy person. Unfortunately that's a downside to correlation. Although I think that Brigham, Joseph et al. were batsheet nuts, at least they had some meaty doctrine - all we're left with now is banality and rules: lots and lots of rules.

[SeeNoEvil]

All great responses here.... but I vote for handing the manual to the next critic and walking straight out the door. Email the bishop and tell him you quit.

[crossmyheart]

I was a RS teacher when my shelf broke. I loved to teach- and even before I ever questioned the church I used lots of outside resources. The year my shelf broke was so much harder to stick to the correlated material and I had a RS counselor who was very verbal about her disapproval that I strayed from the manual. She constantly reminded me that we are required to stick to the subject. Her final straw was when I started quoting from other religions like Taoism. Finally- I just couldn't take her anymore, and I got substitute teachers every month until I was released.

A few years later, come to find out - her husband was gay and was struggling with deep mental health issues as a result of his suppression. So it makes sense to realize she had retrenched deep into fundamentalism and had turned into that strict TBM role of trying to force everyone around her to be perfect. I don't blame her- she was trying to hold her little world together and I was collateral damage.

I guess what I am trying to say is be kind- maybe that person is struggling with their own belief-demons...

[blazerb]

We put in a lot of storm and strife on this site over this church. The church would like us gone, but are afraid to admit one small thing. We put in more time on the church than most of the people in the pews. We care more about the church than the standard TBM.

This is a big part of the problem, isn't it. I cared so much about the church. I took it so seriously. Then I realized I was leaning on a broken reed, as the scriptures say. I still care a lot. I have to force myself not to take everything so seriously. If I'm honest, I still care a lot about the church.

I felt humiliated. And I felt frustrated that I'm trying to do this for family and find a middle way that works for us all. So my fault for taking the calling? For trying to step outside of the correlated materials and stepford mentally? I'm so tired of the repetition and thought others might be too but maybe it's their safe place and I'm rocking the boat?

Others have said a lot of good things. Remember, you were doing something good - making a lesson more interesting. This is not wrong. Insisting on a narrow set of tools is not good. Hang in there.

[Corsair]

I took a calling teaching. I've mostly enjoyed it. (I'm non-believing attending TR holding..). I try to present the material in new and interesting ways. Not the same old. I do a tiny bit NOM but I'm careful.

Lesson wasn't going great today and then right in the middle someone who doesn't enjoy my lessons raised their hand and asked me why I have to make everything so complicated. The gospel is simple. Just stick to the manual.

Yes, the gospel is supposed to be simple. Love your neighbors, love God, and even love your enemies. Simply be kind to others. I'm a big fan of that kind of gospel.

So why do we complicate the gospel with ordinances and other LDS cultural trappings? Clearly Mormons are obvious contributors to required ordinances with the addition of the temple and all the rules surrounding that. The rest of Christendom discarded the temple after the resurrection of Jesus Christ. I can deal with a basic baptism, but the LDS church complicates that with claims of priesthood authority and a presupposition that some enormous celestial bureaucracy was insistent that things are accomplished. It's like the HR department was given full authority over engineering and sales.

[MoPag]

Hugs Anon!

Hugs2.png (170.43 KiB) Viewed 7027 times

I think you are doing a wonderful thing by teaching from a NOM perspective. I'm with Not Buying It. The manuals suck. I think Crossmyheart makes a good point to. Usually people who act out like that are probably in some kind of pain. Also, I think passive aggressive-ness is kind of programmed into most TBMs. Regardless, it was really crappy of them to do that too you. I wish I was in your class. I would love a "complicated" lesson.

[alas]

I agree with others that you should keep teaching the way that you are currently teaching. The lessons are usually so boring, that any effort to make them more interesting is good. I bet most in your class like the way you teach, but they won't ever stand up to critics because Mormons are so conflict avoidant.

Have a plan in mind for next time this rude jerk opens his mouth. Possibly just hand him the book and chalk and walk out. Or assign him to teach next week. Or, you could find out what his calling is, then after he critics you, criticize him right back, then point out how rude it is to criticize a volunteer. Or just stare at him for 60 seconds while the class is all sitting there uncomfortable. But pick out a way to deal with him that you are comfortable with and be ready.

I was criticized once in class. The guy challenged me on something that was outside the lesson book. It was a family relations class and I quoted the state's definition of child abuse. Well, he lit into me pretty hard for several things I had said that he disagreed with, even pointing out that he was a high priest and I was just a woman. No one in class stepped in to tell him he was rude, or wrong, or out of line. Well, later I found out he didn't like the definition of child abuse because he is abusive to his wife and kids. So, like the story above with the woman dealing with a gay husband, my critic was griping because he had issues, not that there was anything wrong with my lesson. It is probably the same with your critic and much more about him and where he is at in life than anything bad about your teaching.

[MerrieMiss]

I felt sad about this all day with no one to talk to. No one really knows about my lack of TBM-ness.

I am so sorry you felt bad all day. I've had days like that and it's lousy.

Whenever I have taught classes in recent years, I have used the manuals to set the general theme and then attempted to teach the type of lesson I'd want to sit in on. That is, attempt to generate a meaningful discussion.

The way I used to handle lessons was by swinging everything back toward doctrines I believe in like love, charity, humility, forgiveness, and tolerance. No one reads the manual anyway, so you won't get called out on that.

I do think using lessons to reach against something, even if it's obliquely, is a bit out of bounds. For lessons I couldn't adapt, I would open a floor discussion and let everyone bare testimony.

When I was teaching I handled it like Ghost and Oliver. And for the past few years I had a statement, very polite and memorized that basically said I'm a volunteer doing the best I can and you can teach the lesson instead. I never had to use it - I think most people are relieved there's a warm body filling the calling.

I did have one woman call me out for teaching false doctrine when I taught RS (a Talmage quote of all things). This was right before/or during my descent into unbelief, and I was so embarrassed. While I have often thought the things people say are stupid, I've never called anyone out on it, and I couldn't believe someone would have the nerve to do that in front of everyone. It hurts, really hurts to have someone call you out for teaching incorrectly in public, particularly when you're just trying to keep it all together. It was a very impolite thing for that person to do to you yesterday.

I'm pretty sure the bishopric are grateful you are teaching. Able and willing volunteers can be difficult to find. Take no heed of the rude mentally lazy person. Unfortunately that's a downside to correlation. Although I think that Brigham, Joseph et al. were batsheet nuts, at least they had some meaty doctrine - all we're left with now is banality and rules: lots and lots of rules.

And yes, blame this on correlation.

[Just This Guy]

Lesson wasn't going great today and then right in the middle someone who doesn't enjoy my lessons raised their hand and asked me why I have to make everything so complicated. The gospel is simple. Just stick to the manual.

Here is a Suggestion for how you could follow up to that.

Take a elementary school math book into class. Open it up and do a couple problems. Some addition and subtraction, maybe some division. Then ask them if that is all they need to know on the subject? Next bring out some college level text books. Calculus, logarithms, differential equations, statistics, etc. There are people who spend their whole live studding math and still admit that they don't know it.

Now for the gospel. Do you have everything you need in a CTR A manual? Doe it include the Endowment? Sealing Power of the Priesthood? Law of Chasity? Law of Sacrifice? Condensation of Christ? 2nd Anointing? Etc...
Was it GBH who said that he was 90 years old and was just beginning to understand the endowment? It is the Doctrine of Eternal Progression. That means learning new things for the rest of time If everything someone needed to know was in the manual, then why would GBH need decades to study the endowment?

Once in a while, a punk kid needs put in his place.