NOM

Breaking Cover

I think every member of the Church has doubts—differing beliefs about the Church its veracity and truth. Some hide in strident, hyper-obedient behavior while others (the majority) simply go along to get along. Consider your own story, before you raised the BS flag you were flying it in your mind but didn’t dare let anyone know. How many times did you listen to “crazy” talks or comments and never raise your hand to say, “I don’t think so” or “that’s crap—and we all know it”. Open dissent is so much the anathema that the majority of members HAVE to have internal cognitive dissonance but are so terrified of being different that they smother their own thoughts in the crib. I’m reminded of the show MASH and one of the closing storylines where Hawkeye had been sitting on a bus full of locals as they hid from the North Koreans. A woman’s baby started to cry, and after all was said and done she smothered and killed the child. Needless to say Hawkeye, when facing this event, couldn’t process it and it clearly screwed him up.

Here’s where I’m going with this: every single member of the church is smothering something; burying it, hiding it, killing it so they FIT IN. Could be small, could be big but the act of smothering it can lead to violent TBS-ism or simple disengagement (not going to the Temple, not seeking or currying favor and position, or even just by laying down in the grass and “going along to get along”. We know how hard breaking cover can be. The “tall grass” of the church is planted and fertilized by the church, the governing body needs the tall grass for the average person to hide in because if the grass is too short then folks will seek cover by fleeing the church. We’ve all spent time glued to the ground letting the discussion wander around us, hoping that by never making eye contact we can avoid having to stand up and dodge the bullets. This is why TEACHING in the church is such a challenge! Nobody wants to answer with any kind of attention getting answer.

True story: I was sitting in High Priest Group one Sabbath and the teacher was making the point that “we have works, we need works, all that Evangelicals have to do is say ‘I love Jesus’ and they think they’re saved!” I raised my hand and called BS. I defended other’s beliefs and their sincerity. I stood up in the tall grass. It was the beginning of the end for me. I realized how closed people’s minds were. Now, looking back I wonder how many of the brethren in the room were silently agreeing with me—and how many realized that I was now the target and they were safe from even having to consider what the conversation was about, or having to process it in any way. I actually made the teacher back up, recant, and revise what they were trying to teach. I knew I was dead. I knew that in the future that teacher might ignore my hand or even make snide remarks like “You can agree with that can’t you Br. Brent?” He realized, like myself, that I couldn’t smother the baby anymore—I was willing to let it cry, to give up the tall grass and be willing to be captured.

Now, so far removed from that event I realize it’s importance. Now I realize that once you say, “I’m going to let this baby breathe” that the others on the bus are going to step away, to back up and hide so they don’t get captured. I don’t blame them. I hid in the tall grass too. Breaking cover is daring and harsh thing, leaving the safe and comfortable place is never easy, and we should love the people who are still hugging the ground. We're not so far removed.

Great post. Love the metaphorical reference of the tall grass and the image it portrays.

Love your perspective.

I have been on all 3 sides of this- as the silent spectator, as the teacher, and as the one who speaks up. I wish I had the motivation to stay and to continue to speak up, but I just don't have it in me.

Now that I only occasionally attend, I am back in the tall grass. But I have cause for my silence when I do attend. First- because I hold no calling and am not seen as an active, contributing member of the ward; my opinions don't hold a whole lot of weight. Second- because I understand the anxiety and frustration of being the instructor, with a carefully mapped out lesson and few people who will actually contribute. I find myself more sympathetic to their frustration, than angry at the message.

I have respect to those who take cover, not willing or able to stand out. Hopefully someday they can find their voice to help make the changes I always hoped for.

Let's note that every time someone does overtly "stands up in the tall grass", it does signal to others "in the grass" that maybe they could stand up also. Certainly it does expose the standing person to scrutiny. But it might make it easier for someone else to stand up with the initial brave soul.

Many of you now that I still attend regularly and I am entirely an undercover unbeliever, primarily for family reasons. But I do try to stand up in the tall grass when possible. Seeing someone else stand up also sends out the signal that you are a safe person for some of the tougher issues. My faith transition was tough. Perhaps I can make it easier for someone else.