NOM

Each day, for the rest of May, please share your honest response to each temple recommend question, based on what you believe right now

#6
Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?

Personal note:
The first four questions were related to personal belief systems. Number 5 dealt with the individual’s conduct.
Now, number 6 deals with how the individual’s conduct impacts others outside of church, regardless of church membership status.

This question moves the judgment needle from a personal belief/obedience system to encompassing behavior in our everyday lives, church related or not.

NOWmormon wrote: ↑Mon May 22, 2017 3:53 pm Each day, for the rest of May, please share your honest response to each temple recommend question, based on what you believe right now

#6
Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?

Personal note:
The first four questions were related to personal belief systems. Number 5 dealt with the individual’s conduct.
Now, number 6 deals with how the individual’s conduct impacts others outside of church, regardless of church membership status.

This question moves the judgment needle from a personal belief/obedience system to encompassing behavior in our everyday lives, church related or not.

No.

But I call BS on this question. My ex answered yes to this for decades. They still gave him a recommend.

NOWmormon wrote: ↑Mon May 22, 2017 3:53 pm #6
Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?

No. I continue to treat my family with the respect and love they deserve. A busybody church might feel differently but I have no reason to grant that level of privilege to them.

This question irks me, just as it irks Give It Time. No matter how horrible someone is, the church is just as likely to give a slap on the wrist (or do nothing at all) as it is to discipline someone. Liars have it made in the church.

As for my conduct and the teachings of the church - I follow the teachings of Christ, so I've always felt I lived those standards. Now that I know the church practically teaches people to lie (or, more accurately, was founded on lies, deceptions, predatory behaviors and other corrupt behaviors), I'm not so sure how much I am in harmony with all of that.

No.

For me it is too vague. So much so that it is too easy for people an leadership to twist it to suit their own ends.

Give It Time wrote: ↑Mon May 22, 2017 3:54 pm
No.

But I call BS on this question. My ex answered yes to this for decades. They still gave him a recommend.

Same^^^

Yes. I don't take the lead in having family home evening, or family scripture study, or family prayer. I don't do many of the checklist of things that a good Mormon husband or son is supposed to do.

Nope

Yes, even as a TBM, I did plenty that was not in harmony with church teachings. None of was something serious per se, but any type of sin is disharmonious if we're talking letter of the law.

As a NOM, I do lots that's blatantly disharmonious to church teachings.

In reality, No. i think my life will be just fine if I'm standing before Jesus to be judged.

I thought this was another easy one. Of course not, everything I do is for my family. I have a great relationship with my kids and actively build those relationships.

But if I really think about it, there is plenty I do these days that is done with blatant disregard for "church" teachings. FHE, family prayer and family scripture reading are pretty much non existent. I ignore ward and area goals and refuse to set corresponding family goals. I refuse to go to tithing settlement. I tell my kids when I disagree with things they are taught at church. I encourage them to think for themselves and be open to information and knowledge even if it may not agree with the party line.

It occurs to me that this question is so broad that it can be applied to virtually anything that the bishop wants to apply it to and is aiming not at whether you have a good relationship with your family but at whether you have unquestioning loyalty to the church. Now that I have actually thought about what it means, this question really bothers me.

I was told this question really relates to abuse.

So, nope I'm good - though we do have a rather cruel sense of humour in our family: teemager with spots, adults putting a couple of pounds of weight, a lapse of memory, it's all fair game.

redjay wrote: ↑Tue May 23, 2017 6:41 am I was told this question really relates to abuse.

I believe I heard the same thing as RJ mentions.

NOWmormon wrote: ↑Mon May 22, 2017 3:53 pm #6
Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?

6) No.

Honestly, I believe the church is an abusive organization, so personally, I have no problem answering this question the way "they" would prefer I answer it.

I've always thought of this one in terms of abuse too. So in the past, I've found this easy to say no.

But now that others mention it, there's LOTS I now do that are not in harmony with the teachings of the church. I don't lead out in church service, I don't really care about family night (well, we still do stuff that night, I just don't care about lesson time) and a whole bunch of other stuff, and I'm not going to worry overly about it either.

As long as I'm not abusive, it's all good. I can have a clear conscience on that one. I'm so sorry for the others that have commented that this has not been the case. That's just horrible.

This question is just plain a bad question. In all my work as a social worker, child protective services, battered women's shelter, adults abused as children, child sexual abuse, and so on, I never once heard of a case where the abuser was not in denial that the abuse was abuse. They minimized it to the point that a full out beating of their spouse or child was "I lost my temper a little. I might have said something." Meanwhile the victim is in the hospital with broken bones. With child sexual abuse, they think they are teaching the child about sex. Yup, by raping them. Very few abusers see what they are doing as wrong. Or, they see it as a little wrong, but they are trying to get it under control, cause they know they lose their temper, but they would never hurt their family member. And, yes, in some cases I was working with the abusers, and the first therapy goal was to get them to see that their behavior was wrong. So, unless the abuser is already in treatment, they are going to claim there is nothing very wrong with their behavior. You and I might be nauseated by their behavior, but they don't see a problem.

This is the church's biggest mistake with saying they do not condone abuse, is they never define it in concrete terms so that the abuser recognizes his/her behavior as wrong. They always say it as vaguely as possible.

The question is about abuse.

My ex was an unusual case. He would own up to being abusive, but like alas states, he'd justify it all. So, the priesthood leader would say, "well, that's certainly understandable".

I think the question does need rewording. Perhaps this question is asked by a trained mental health professional. That would be interesting.

A good place to start would be for the church leadership to say, that while the church doesn't condone abuse, the leaders don't know squat about it and will most assuredly get things wrong. That could be phrased in a faith promoting manner. Right?

No. I've always tried to treat my family with the same kind of love and respect that I hope they would show me. Though after my change in belief, probably not in a strict churchy, obedient way.

NOWmormon wrote: ↑Mon May 22, 2017 3:53 pm Each day, for the rest of May, please share your honest response to each temple recommend question, based on what you believe right now

#6
Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?

Considering that the church teaches that it comes first, I would have to say "yes" because my family and God are more important to me than this organization, so the fact that my kids are more important to me means that I am not in harmony with teachings such as "if it means your kids go hungry, pay your tithing." There are other examples that could be given of toxic things the church does to families.

I know the question relates to abuse, but it does not say, "Do you abuse anyone in your family?" so I answered what it said, not the secret meaning behind it. I'm not abusing anyone, so the answer in that sense would be no.

I don't abuse my family members, so no.

I always answered yes to this question because I am human and sometimes I get angry and yell and sometimes I say things that are unkind. I am not abusive, but I am also not perfect. No one ever seemed to care about this one.