NOM

Mormonism only really allows for full believing members that accept all the claims and live all the principles.

Like some of you, I still attend, but I don't believe.

Today I was at the store getting a couple items including some bottled coffee and around the corner comes the bishop! It was very awkward as I hid my hand basket with my body and tried to make small talk. I thought I could handle this halfway business but now I realize it just doesn't work. Its frustrating feeling ashamed for something that is as trivial as bean water, but around ward members I guess I'm not ready to be officially branded the apostate.

My options are probably to 1) live my apostate bean-water drinking life in secrecy 2) Pretend I didn't actual learn that the traditional Mormon narrative is false or 3) Own my apostate life like a boss.

People seem to encourage option 3 but it is easier said than done to willingly lose all respect in your community.

How do you NOMs recommend handling the halfway lifestyle?

I've had a similar experience. I think my bishop ignores it because I appear TBM in real life . I think most of us see what we want or expect to see in others. I think we excuse or dismiss things that don't fit in our narrative. Just my 2 cents.....

It took me about a year to feel comfortable owning it like a boss. You really have to do what you can to stop caring what other people think about you or say behind your back though.

Order on Amazon?

You have to become an expert NOM Ninja.

Find the Circle K at least three miles from your ward boundaries. Six months of advanced yoga helps with the flexibility to constantly look over your shoulder. Breathing techniques to call your nerves especially when buying normal underwear. Keep a toothbrush in your car to brush the coffee breath away. Chewing gum helps too.

Eye contact with a three second stare always portrays worthiness. A firm handshake and a smile confirms it. Never look away or down at the ground. This slight gesture always gives away your hidden porn habits. A solid excuse, practiced for perfection will go along way. "Oh hey Bish, I'm just shopping for an early morning staff meeting and I had to grab some of this bean water for the weird coffee drinking engineer on the third floor."

You'll have to practice before it becomes normal boss owning behavior. After all, your still an infant in the eyes of normal non mormon people.

Own it like a Boss...that's what I encourage others to do since I am too weak to do it myself.
I didn't realize buying coffee was against the WoW. I thought drinking hot drinks was. One of my favorite things to do is buy the Henry Weinhardt root beer. It comes in a brown bottle just like real beer. I put it in my cup holder on my riding lawnmower and mow as neighbors drive by. I love not to avoid the appearance of "evil".

It is very difficult after a while to remain a halfass oops I mean halfway Mormon !!! I still keep working at it even though my wife is a TBM the branch Pres. knows of my disaffection as do a couple other but that's about it. I continue with the outer look of being a TBM but I feel like I am cheating myself not being honest with everyone I wish I had the courage to come out maybe someday . My one feather in my cap is that I still kind of believe in the BOM so far as it brings people to Christ !! I believe the church is in an apostate sort of way right now I much prefer the Community of Christ church line of thinking and beliefs.

Good Luck.