NOM

My family had our regular monthly get together a few weeks ago, detailed in this post, which was our first gathering since I told them I don't believe in the church anymore. My brother's family wasn't there because they were on vacation, but we got together to watch the Jazz lose to the Warriors on Saturday and he mentioned that he had heard about something that happened at the family gathering. He had heard that when my son and the boy and girl little kid cousins he was playing with came up complaining that an older cousin wouldn't let them play dress up with the play dresses that my mom has I went storming down to force them to let my boy wear a dress.

That is kind of what happened, but of course there is more to it. The little boy cousin has told his parents that he thinks he should have been born a girl. The little girl cousin was bawling about it. My son has a hard time playing with these cousins because they all want to be in charge; and dress up is not the game my son would have picked, so I didn't want a successful moment of him being okay playing with them and doing what someone else wants to do to be ruined. The older cousin is bullying my son and I am not okay with that. And lastly, yes, I don't think that we need to beat gender norms into our kids, even as a straight TBM teenage boy I thought the focus on not cross-dressing was silly. And I didn't storm down, I was calm. And the older cousins dad came with me and worked it out.

But apparently the only news from the gathering worth sharing is that I am a flaming liberal apostate. Maybe that would have been the interesting moment even if I hadn't told them I don't believe. But I'm afraid that this will become the norm where my family watches for things that are apostate things and then point and laugh. And that makes me mad.

Welcome to the new normal Flaming liberal apostate!

Just wait until the rest of your life falls apart and they blame the apostasy.

My dad's family is half active TBM's and half inactive. The inactive side can't ever do anything right and their problems often get blamed on their inactivity vs making stupid decisions.

My wife has an aunt where this applies too.

It's a weird dynamic when TBMs compare each other and the church is always the decisive winning variable. I still catch myself thinking this way fairly often. I regretfully still sometimes think that the truck driver cousin is a loser because he didn't serve a mission. Or the divorced people didn't survive marriage because they didn't get married in the temple.

The brainwashing runs deep.

Linked wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 4:02 pmAnd lastly, yes, I don't think that we need to beat gender norms into our kids, even as a straight TBM teenage boy I thought the focus on not cross-dressing was silly.

At times like these I like to point out that female cross-dressers in men's clothing have been among us and totally accepted for the past century or so. Big deal.

If I could dodge a few family gatherings I would. Sounds like toxic soup. I try not to eat or drink toxic soup. Just have one, or a few, of you take up some activity that conflicts with these gatherings. Do that for a few months and see if that helps. If they ask why you're coming around less, you can stick to the conflict excuse, or you can tell them you noticed this behavior​. While you love your family, but if being treated like this is the price of admission, you'll be going to this amusement park less. It just got too expensive.

Some people would talk first before doing this. I've tried that. It doesn't seem to work for me, so I take action and start minimizing contact. Then when they ask, tell them. Just what I've found works for me.

Linked wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 4:02 pm even as a straight TBM teenage boy I thought the focus on not cross-dressing was silly.

This reminds me of a time we did our handcart trek and I convinced one of the YW to give me her pioneer skirt. I wore that thing for the rest of the weekend. I don't think anybody tried to challenge me too hard – probably because they'd realize how dumb it would make them look to argue with a guy who was not going to back down.

I was such a rebellious teenager; if only I had all the resources we have today so I could have figured out the church wasn't true a decade or more earlier...

Are there any plans to commit the ultimate sin of drinking coffee? That will start a new class of rumors surrounding you that probably include doing meth with tranny hookers.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 5:05 pm Welcome to the new normal Flaming liberal apostate!

Just wait until the rest of your life falls apart and they blame the apostasy.

My dad's family is half active TBM's and half inactive. The inactive side can't ever do anything right and their problems often get blamed on their inactivity vs making stupid decisions.

My wife has an aunt where this applies too.

It's a weird dynamic when TBMs compare each other and the church is always the decisive winning variable. I still catch myself thinking this way fairly often. I regretfully still sometimes think that the truck driver cousin is a loser because he didn't serve a mission. Or the divorced people didn't survive marriage because they didn't get married in the temple.

The brainwashing runs deep.

I know, I am dreading that. I do have 3 apostate uncles who are all quite well to do, so I'm hoping that will temper the blaming all difficulties in my life on my apostasy. Honestly right now my life is pretty awesome outside of the intense and constant emotional strain caused by the reactions of myself and others to my disaffection. I guess I just have to be really successful and happy.

Give It Time wrote: ↑Tue May 09, 2017 5:14 am If I could dodge a few family gatherings I would. Sounds like toxic soup. I try not to eat or drink toxic soup. Just have one, or a few, of you take up some activity that conflicts with these gatherings. Do that for a few months and see if that helps. If they ask why you're coming around less, you can stick to the conflict excuse, or you can tell them you noticed this behavior​. While you love your family, but if being treated like this is the price of admission, you'll be going to this amusement park less. It just got too expensive.

Some people would talk first before doing this. I've tried that. It doesn't seem to work for me, so I take action and start minimizing contact. Then when they ask, tell them. Just what I've found works for me.

I don't feel like it has gotten to that point yet, though I will definitely keep an eye out for it and protect myself accordingly. So far everyone is still feeling the situation out. I think I will give it 5 or 6 gatherings and see where we are then. If it's a bad place I will start limiting my interactions with them.

Hagoth wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 5:18 pm

Linked wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 4:02 pmAnd lastly, yes, I don't think that we need to beat gender norms into our kids, even as a straight TBM teenage boy I thought the focus on not cross-dressing was silly.

At times like these I like to point out that female cross-dressers in men's clothing have been among us and totally accepted for the past century or so. Big deal.

Enoch Witty wrote: ↑Tue May 09, 2017 7:35 am

Linked wrote: ↑Mon May 08, 2017 4:02 pm even as a straight TBM teenage boy I thought the focus on not cross-dressing was silly.

This reminds me of a time we did our handcart trek and I convinced one of the YW to give me her pioneer skirt. I wore that thing for the rest of the weekend. I don't think anybody tried to challenge me too hard – probably because they'd realize how dumb it would make them look to argue with a guy who was not going to back down.

I was such a rebellious teenager; if only I had all the resources we have today so I could have figured out the church wasn't true a decade or more earlier...

I dressed as a girl cheerleader for Halloween in 9th grade and I thought it was amusing and fun, and didn't give a thought to the idea that it was inherently bad. I got some feedback that it was bad to cross dress and thought, "That's dumb. I'm not doing anything bad here. What's the big deal?"

Corsair wrote: ↑Tue May 09, 2017 10:21 am Are there any plans to commit the ultimate sin of drinking coffee? That will start a new class of rumors surrounding you that probably include doing meth with tranny hookers.

I was just going to skip the coffee and go straight for the meth and tranny hookers. If the stakes weren't so high I would probably drink coffee occasionally, but the stakes are very high with DW, so it's not in the cards in the immediate future.

Make sure your next family gathering is at Halloween and go as BY's cross dressing son.
Okay but on a serious note, here is a chance to fulfill a NOM calling by being a safe person for your nephew to talk to if he does in fact turn out to be transgender. It sucks that your family is being all TBM-y. But if it turns out someone in your family is on the LGBT spectrum, at least they will know they have a "flaming liberal apostate" in the family they can talk to.

I was just going to skip the coffee and go straight for the meth and tranny hookers. If the stakes weren't so high I would probably drink coffee occasionally, but the stakes are very high with DW, so it's not in the cards in the immediate future.
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A few years ago I had to start taking allergy meds. They slowed my bowels and caused some constipation. I tried fiber and laxatives but they were too unpredictable and made me gassy. My co-worker bishop mentioned how half his ward has doctors notes to drink coffee for constipation. I asked my doctor and she said it was worth a try. Well, immediately it got me going.

Honestly I hate coffee but with enough cream and sugar you can consume anything. I do cold Starbucks frappiccino. It isn't against the WoW anyway as it is not a hot drink.

DW was pretty hot about that when I told her but within a few days I got her to try several flavors. Just a sip. She knows I have some in my special fridge in the garage. It has an alarm sensor on it and I get a text every time the door opens. I don't know if I will be consuming it in front of the kids openly but they do know I drink green tea from time to time and I even got my daughter to try it to see if it would help her not be such a spazz on a long family trip.

I am tempted to try some mild drinks made with barley in the fridge but I don't see that anytime soon, especially since it isn't a flavor I crave.