NOM

The Truth Hurts

As I mentioned in my very first post (I can no longer remain silent), much of the information in the lds.org plural marriage essay was new to me, let alone shocking.

Because church leadership hid so much from me, I feel betrayed, deceived and hurt.

Never in my imagination did I think the restored Church of Jesus Christ would purposefully hide things from me. I trusted and believed that the Church would live by its beliefs and teachings; and would be honest; and never mislead me. I realized that the Church, around which I have built my entire life; the entity that has been the foundation of my day-to-day choices, as well as my important life decisions and ongoing belief system, had misled me with concealment and half-truths about its history.

Apostle Dallin H Oaks has said: “A lie is not always told in so many words. It may be a creature of concealment or a misrepresentation by action or a half-truth.”

Prophet Gordon B Hinckley said: “Half truths are used to mislead under the representation that they are whole truths.”

Prophet Thomas S Monson said: “Remember that the power to lead is also the power to mislead; and the power to mislead is the power to destroy.”

According to the quotes above, a lie can be a half-truth; and half-truths are used to mislead; and the power to mislead is the power to destroy.

I came to the logical conclusion that Church leadership had facilitated a culture of concealment for decades, and as such, I had been misled, which caused me to experience these strong feelings.

True Reconciliation

Then I read in D&C 48:88: “And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she confess thou shalt be reconciled.”

According to the word of the Lord in this verse, I needed to approach Church leadership directly to be reconciled.

And because it was The First Presidency and Quorum of Twelve Apostles who perpetuated this throughout the years, I needed to approach them specifically.

I created a 52 page detailed communication of my thoughts and feelings (addressing only this topic) and I requested a written statement of remorse, of regret, from the leadership of the church regarding the perpetuated Culture of Concealment and emailed it to each one of them (and copied my Home Teacher, High Priest Group Leadership, Ward Bishopric, Stake Presidency and Area President) and I sent it via Fed-Ex to the Office of the First Presidency in Salt Lake.

I received no response from anyone for two weeks.

Then my Stake President and Bishop showed up at my door.

I reiterated to them that it was the Salt Lake leadership of the church that had purposefully misled me and it was only they that could respond for their actions.

After a long conversation, they left and a few days later I received the following from the Stake President via email:

“Members of the Church are discouraged from making telephone calls or writing letters to General Authorities about doctrinal issues or personal matters. With an ever-increasing Church membership, responding personally to these inquiries presents an almost insurmountable task and would make it difficult for General Authorities to fulfill the duties for which they alone are responsible. The General Authorities love the members of the Church and do not want them to feel that they are without the support and guidance they need. However, all things need to be done with wisdom and order.”

The Stake President stated that he himself was the response from the First Presidency.

Read my response to him in PART 2 tomorrow.

Very well said, concise, and on point - especially quoting past prophets (I mean presidents) to firmly establish the half-truths perpetuated by church leadership. The feelings of betrayal are staggering. I know this. Thank you. I connected very much to what you are saying. I think you're fifty two page letter to the brethren was an exercise in futility IF you expected a reply, BUT I expect this was more a cathartic process that you needed to do. I recently did the same on a public statement I wanted to post to Facebook and submitted it here (to NOM) and got some very insightful responses that made me rethink what and why I wrote what I did. I didn't post. I'm sitting on it for a while. As seems to be a thread for all of us transitioners, not rushing into things is a good policy. Of course you couldn't post your fifty-two pager here but perhaps a link to a shared google doc??? I for one, would be VERY interested in reading it.

NOWmormon wrote: ↑Fri May 05, 2017 6:36 am Read my response to him in PART 2 tomorrow.

I look forward to reading your response!

As Abinidied expressed, this was probably a very cathartic process for you and something you needed to do. I remember when I discovered the truth. I was serving as Relief Society president and had been such a faithful TBM my entire life, giving countless hours and hours serving in different callings and more. It's hard to describe the intense pain one feels when they realize they have been utterly and completely deceived by the very organization they'd been taught was the most trustworthy and true. So I get how you could fill 52 pages with your feelings (and probably could have written more!).

The leaders in SLC don't read these types of letters though (they probably get them daily) and they send them right on to your local leaders. It will be interesting to see how your SP and Bishop respond to your response. I wouldn't be surprised though if they just simply don't want to discuss it with you. Most will tell you to stay away from "anti material" and read the scriptures more, pray more and start attending the temple more. They really have no good answers any more than the brethren in SLC do.

If by chance, you have a leader who is willing to discuss your issues with you, I'd pick one at a time to discuss. Such as polygamy, the Book of Abraham, etc. Polygamy is a good one because there is so much now that even the church has had to acknowledge and much of what was once considered anti is in the essay they published.

Good luck! And please keep us updated!

I noticed your same post on Reddit.
Everything you mention is correct, you should be reconciled directly with the Q12/1Presy.

I would be rather surprised if your requests/demands are answered.

You mention sending a copy of the letter to the COB as well as BP/SP. You said no one responded for 2 weeks. I'd be willing to bet the BP/SP were in contact with the COB to some degree (maybe a Q70) and they simply told the SP to take care of this. It's maddening. It's this very reason I never attempted to contact the COB and simply kept my fight at the local level. But I congratulate you for taking it to the top.

Using my favorite new advice and quote from Merrie Miss, might I suggest telling the SP to "F#*k off" the next time he tries to intervene.

I look forward to part 2 tomorrow.

I'm also interested in reading the full letter and part 2.

My dad was in bishoprics my entire youth. 3 or 4 times. He used to say how pointless it would be to escalate any issue you are having above your local leader because they'd just send you right back to your local leaders.

Ditto. I wanna see the full letter.

I've wanted for a while to write a letter, not necessary sending it, but because it may spring board me with some of the things I want to finalize myself. That type of writing, for me, provides closure; and despite the general sense of finality I may have posted on this board, there are certain things I still need closure on.

How can we get that letter posted?...is it too personal to post?

I won't lie friend. I would have TLDR'd a 52 page letter.

Rob4Hope wrote: ↑Fri May 05, 2017 11:49 am Ditto. I wanna see the full letter.

I've wanted for a while to write a letter, not necessary sending it, but because it may spring board me with some of the things I want to finalize myself. That type of writing, for me, provides closure; and despite the general sense of finality I may have posted on this board, there are certain things I still need closure on.

How can we get that letter posted?...is it too personal to post?

I will post it soon.

NOWmormon wrote: ↑Fri May 05, 2017 6:36 am Apostle Dallin H Oaks has said: “A lie is not always told in so many words. It may be a creature of concealment or a misrepresentation by action or a half-truth.”

Prophet Gordon B Hinckley said: “Half truths are used to mislead under the representation that they are whole truths.”

Prophet Thomas S Monson said: “Remember that the power to lead is also the power to mislead; and the power to mislead is the power to destroy.”

It never ceases to amaze me how often the church impales itself on its own sword.

We overlooked or justified many things through our TBM years (generally speaking of course) but it becomes too much when combined with outside knowledge.

NOWmormon, whether they respond or not, I hope you find peace on your journey.

As I read your post, I understand your anger. I had a few thoughts, for what they're worth.

1. I'm with MJ that 52 pages is long.

2. IIRC, I remember them announcing in conference they didn't want us calling or writing the apostles, that the church had gotten too big. They said that all communications that came to them would be bumped down to the local leadership (SP/BP). I don't remember the exact conference, but I associate it as being around the time of my disaffection in 2010. Here's a page from the 2010 CHI on the church's website.

https://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2 ... s?lang=eng

The church has become kind of like Yahoo. I have had problems with my account. Very ineffective help section and no real customer service. I see parallels with the church.

I don't know what to tell you. It's frustrating. It's terrible. It's immoral and the church has gone from tone deaf to deaf.

Welcome to NOM. We're here to tell you you're not crazy and you're not alone.

I'm Give It Time. In my more spry moments I'd like to file a class action lawsuits by every abuse, molestation and rape victim who's case was bungled by a bishop. In the Zen I've developed, I've come to the conclusion, it isn't worth my peace.

It all kind of reminds me of Joseph Smith going to the POTUS seeking relief from the mobs. You're cause is just, but they're going to let the members tar and feather you, anyway.

NOWmormon wrote: ↑Fri May 05, 2017 6:36 am“Members of the Church are discouraged from making telephone calls or writing letters to General Authorities about doctrinal issues or personal matters. With an ever-increasing Church membership, responding personally to these inquiries presents an almost insurmountable task and would make it difficult for General Authorities to fulfill the duties for which they alone are responsible. The General Authorities love the members of the Church and do not want them to feel that they are without the support and guidance they need. However, all things need to be done with wisdom and order.”

Just as an FYI. . . . this paragraph was sent out to Stake Presidents, and forwarded to all the bishops several years ago. It is their standard fall back on issues like this. We had a member contact the COB, and the COB contacted the SP telling him to get control of the issue, basically asking that it not happen again.