NOM

Too me it sounds crazy even though I have been a member for 35 years for people to divorce over one leaving the church. Easy for me to say when I am the one who would like to leave it and my wife is the TBM . I know it probably happens but I don't live in the Mormon corridor so it's a little different for me to imagine people actually divorcing over differing beliefs !!!!! My wife threatens me with divorce but I really don't know if she would. Anybody really know of someone that this has happened too ???

I think it's often a final straw. And for many it's a big straw. But if it was the only problem in a marriage, I would guess that to be a rare occurrence.

Suppose all your life you have enjoyed model trains. You even do an internship at a model train factory for two years. At a convention, you meet a woman who loves model trains just as much. You start dating, traveling to model train meetings every week. You love spending time together and get married. Every month you travel to the VIP model train special meeting where you watch a documentary on model trains. Twice a year you go together to the world model train conference. You have children and teach them all about model trains. When the kids are old enough, they are able to go to the VIP monthly meetings to watch the documentary. Your life evolves around model trains. Then one day you decide you are tired of model trains. You stop attending weekly train meetings. Your wife continues to take the kids to model train meetings every week. You realize that your entire relationship with your wife is based on model trains. You have nothing else in common. You want to join a crocheting club, but they only meet on Sundays at the same time as the model train meeting. You want something else out of life. Your wife does not know what to do. She considers divorcing you because she wants to find another man devoted to model trains....

My neighbor divorced over her husband's disaffection.

I can see people divorcing over differing religious beliefs. If different religions can be a deal breaker before marriage, it can be a deal breaker after. Religion determines the people with whom we associate, the holidays we celebrate and the values we instill.

Other Christian denominations believe there are many paths to Christ. They have similar values and their holidays are the same. A Methodist can be very happily married to a Lutheran if they're respectful and they work out if they'll worship together or separately. The Mormon variety of Christian is a different species. With our doctrine of eternal marriage and family, to say you no longer believe is tantamount to saying you don't want to be with your family and you want a divorce in the eternities. The trailing spouse can very easily come to the conclusion to not postpone the inevitable.

Community of Christ may have sprung from the same source, but there are important differences. Differences she will find blasphemous. Add this to our absolute truth claims and compromise can become difficult.

Personally, I think divorce over belief shift is a very real possibility.

Very well stated Give it time !!! You opened my eyes to couple of different angles. In my case I could be just as happy at a Baptist or Methodist church etc etc etc but my wife likes to cling to the eternal family thing. She sees my leaving (if that happens) as a slap in the face don't love you anymore etc etc but nothing could be further from the truth . thanks..

I suspect that if my MIL learns of my changing views, she will do everything in her power to break up my marriage.

Well I just sent in my Resignation !!! I'm thrilled but also have lots of anxiety wondering if my marriage will last when she finds out !!! I actually looked up emotional abusers on line tonight and guess what my wife fits the model 100% . We will see I guess.

Rebel wrote: ↑Sun Apr 23, 2017 12:25 am Well I just sent in my Resignation !!! I'm thrilled but also have lots of anxiety wondering if my marriage will last when she finds out !!! I actually looked up emotional abusers on line tonight and guess what my wife fits the model 100% . We will see I guess.

Wow....it looks like you took a big step despite all the pressure surrounding you. Your decision to follow your true self is admirable. But I would caution you that this isn't going to be an easy ride. And there are some people that just aren't equipped to deal with their spouses disaffection from the church. This is because their family, church leaders and GA's all preach the Mormon way or the highway approach to marriage. Rather than teaching that relationships need to be compassionate understanding and based on loving each other. In short many people in reality are married to the Church and their eternal status in it. And not married to their spouse nor do they at heart love them.

It sounds like you love your DW. But if things go too far south, you may want to cut ties before things get really bad. I'm not saying don't put forth some effort, it may pay off. Then again, you may discover you are banging into a brick wall. Good luck...please keep us posted!

Rebel wrote: ↑Sun Apr 23, 2017 12:25 am Well I just sent in my Resignation !!! I'm thrilled but also have lots of anxiety wondering if my marriage will last when she finds out !!! I actually looked up emotional abusers on line tonight and guess what my wife fits the model 100% . We will see I guess.

Bold move. Actually, I'm glad you aren't letting your wife control you.

BTW, as someone who's dealt with similar, it's time to talk to a lawyer. Talking to a lawyer is not filing for divorce. She did draw a line in the sand and you stepped over it. She may follow through with her threat. I tend to take people at their word.

Just like leaving the church, rarely is divorce over one thing. But, divorced due to disaffection can be a huge portion of it or it can be the catalyst.

In my marriage it wasn't the catalyst but it was a massive contributing factor. We got married with very little in common outside of our religion. When we left the church together, we lost our core. We drifted away, we tried to keep it together over time, but we didn't love each other.

Mormonism was so consuming and such a large part of life that it was enough of a commonality, and common goal that it kept us together. It got us through the hard times. With the church gone....

Twisting the question around, just a little bit. In the early days of my disaffection, I wondered if my no longer having a testimony was actually because I wanted a divorce in the eternities. If I could ask myself that question, if meant there was still a level of belief, there.

That was part of my process. So much of my testimony hinged on what the men in my life thought the patriarchal culture gave them permission to do and the priesthood just augmented that view exponentially. I really had to separate out what I appreciated about men. How I viewed a perfect Heavenly Father. How I viewed God.

The divorce was still needed and the church still wasn't true.

Rebel wrote: ↑Sun Apr 23, 2017 12:25 am Well I just sent in my Resignation !!! I'm thrilled but also have lots of anxiety wondering if my marriage will last when she finds out !!! I actually looked up emotional abusers on line tonight and guess what my wife fits the model 100% . We will see I guess.

That is a bold decision. I would recommend keeping 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 in mind. These verse have never appeared in any LDS curriculum or conference talk as far I have found:

Paul the Apostle wrote:But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Corsair wrote: ↑Sun Apr 23, 2017 9:39 am

Rebel wrote: ↑Sun Apr 23, 2017 12:25 am Well I just sent in my Resignation !!! I'm thrilled but also have lots of anxiety wondering if my marriage will last when she finds out !!! I actually looked up emotional abusers on line tonight and guess what my wife fits the model 100% . We will see I guess.

That is a bold decision. I would recommend keeping 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 in mind. These verse have never appeared in any LDS curriculum or conference talk as far I have found:

Paul the Apostle wrote:But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Corsair, that passage is honestly beautiful.

It happens a lot.

It usually is the TBM (on steroids) type people who do that. If the man or woman can't go to the CK,...dump them and find someone who can.

I know of several of these families ripped apart by this.

I was recently hanging out in the foyer at our church while another Ward that means in our building was in session. It was open mic day AKA fast and testimony meeting and the person speaking mentioned knowing someone who had divorced her husband over his change of belief. She said that it was a rather amicable divorce otherwise. Makes me wonder if they were a strong and viable married couple otherwise and quit just because of the church. That kind of thing makes me crazy.

Rob4Hope wrote: ↑Sun Apr 23, 2017 12:16 pmI know of several of these families ripped apart by this.

Crazy and sad.
It almost happened to us. My mom (of all people) talked to my DH about divorcing me and told me "You're ruining your marriage." She was clueless or chose to ignore his problems and how I had more valid reasons to divorce him but I haven't. Then again, this is a woman who blamed her husband for her cheating on him, and the bishop just had her skip sacrament for a bit. My DH's repeated threats of divorce have hurt our marriage and I don't trust him, especially when he tried to get others help in bullying me into believing as they do. I try not to think about that though, we're getting along ok now - but some things will probably never be healed.

I wonder if families being ripped apart because of Mormon insanity, happens more often than is broadcasted. I know that there are people who are kind of hiding out (like many of us here) - and others have no idea that they are not TBMs.

Very well put Newme !!!!!!!!!!!! I know many here are just laying low because of family unity and peace. I wish the church would come out and make a positive statement on this very subject . If they cannot see this is a problem then they certainly are not Prophets, seers & Revelators..

Newme wrote: ↑Sun Apr 23, 2017 7:13 pm I wonder if families being ripped apart because of Mormon insanity, happens more often than is broadcasted. I know that there are people who are kind of hiding out (like many of us here) - and others have no idea that they are not TBMs.

It happens all the time. The vast majority of church leaders attitude is, too bad for him/her if they aren't worthy enough to keep a commitment then they aren't worthy enough to have an eternal partner. It's sickening. But if god is as kind and compassionate as I believe him to be, he wouldn't condone ripping peoples hearts out and ripping apart families over religion. It really defeats the whole purpose of "love one another" doesn't it?

On a similar note this attitude even affects how people approach dating in the church. It's not a courtship to see if you are compatible, love each other. (Or god forbid if it would be financially viable to marry and have 100 kids) It's all about are you "worthy" to hold a temple recommend. /rant over

PalmSprings wrote: ↑Mon Apr 24, 2017 12:42 am It happens all the time. The vast majority of church leaders attitude is, too bad for him/her if they aren't worthy enough to keep a commitment then they aren't worthy enough to have an eternal partner. It's sickening. But if god is as kind and compassionate as I believe him to be, he wouldn't condone ripping peoples hearts out and ripping apart families over religion. It really defeats the whole purpose of "love one another" doesn't it?

You got me going on this one PalmSprings. I've seen the church take a very divisive role on some of this. They would quote where Jesus said: "I have not come to bring peace, but a sword...." etc. IN the early days of the church, a justification for taking other men's wives was that the person doing the taking could get them to the CK...and their family to (as JS would promise). This attitude still exists out there in pockets. Loyalty to the church, and deferral to authority are the primary motives--NOT "love at home". (what a joke).

On a similar note this attitude even affects how people approach dating in the church. It's not a courtship to see if you are compatible, love each other. (Or god forbid if it would be financially viable to marry and have 100 kids) It's all about are you "worthy" to hold a temple recommend. /rant over

OK...I'm gunna bring up a topic I've spoken about before (and you are all probably sick and tired of hearing from me), but the counsel of the church, laid out in A Parents Guide- chapter 6 found here... https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-gu ... e?lang=eng" is to NOT discuss or talk about sexuality before marriage--in fact, it should be relegated to the "mundane". (Read it all if you think I'm lying). The only REAL thing that you should look for, as you mentioned PS, is if you are obeying the "Church" gospel.

And, the church admits (at least use to), that the #1 cause of divorce is sexual disharmony. The idea that the church cares about marriage is a joke. This divorce over "not living the gospel" also goes right into the bedroom. The answer to marital problems, according to the church, is "read your scriptures, say your prayers, pay your tithing...blah blah blah."

I find it hilarious that the suggested remedy to sexual problems in the church is the same--but has nothing to do with "well,..figure out how to have good sex."

Duh.

This is a big "pisses me off" topic--the idea that the church says marriage is a big deal, and treats marriages like sh!t.

It seems like divorce is more likely if the couple realizes the Church was the only thing they had in common. Sadly I know couples like this. You know, Pres Kimball's "any good man and any good woman" can get married thing.