It's still me

[Jinx]

It's been a while since I introduced myself so maybe I should give it another go. Most of you don't know who I am because I didn't post very often, but I read an awful lot.

I'm a middle-aged mom with three children aged 23, 19, and 17. DH left the church about five years ago, which prompted a lot of soul-searching on the part of the rest of the family. (I read his posts on Post-Mo from that time period - I was the DW who didn't understand and didn't know what to do.) I had always just accepted the church's truth claims because I was practically born and raised with them. I knew I hated going to church, and I knew that I couldn't believe all the things that went on there, but I just "stacked them on the shelf" and went on with life in the Morcor. But it took my husband saying "what if none of it is true" to really free my mind. The fact that my heart leapt when he said those words was my epiphany. I wanted it not to be true so I didn't have to live it anymore.

Unlike the rest of my family, I still attend church. The reasoning behind this is a little circuitous. 1) My calling is SM chorister and I love it. I love looking out over the sea of faces and singing to them. 2) We have the best ward choir leader in the history of the church. He used to be a BYU music professor and he literally writes music for us to sing (and for the MoTab to sing as well - we warm up for them). I am his go-to soprano and there's no way I'm quitting choir until that wonderful man is no longer around. So I show up to choir practice and SM every week, sit with my friends, say hi to everyone, and go home before the 2nd and 3rd hours. I read NOM during SM so I don't have to listen to the conference-talk-of-the-week. You guys are my lifeline.

The rest of the family is out (except DH goes to choir with me and sings every month in SM). DD1 lives in the Morcor and tells everyone she's not Mormon. She may be gay (she is ambiguous), most of her friends are LGBTQ and she wants nothing to do with the church. DD2 is in California going to school and has left the church behind but has pretty hard feelings. All her high school friends were in the good Mormon kid crowd and are now on missions, so she hears the "good news" constantly. She is the most conflicted of my kids and I worry about her. DS has no use for the church and has found a friend base who don't care so he's probably the sanest of us.

So that's us. Someday when I don't have church during the 10-12 time slot DH and I may work our way up to the "chapel" at Harmon's in Draper.

[Fifi de la Vergne]

It always warms my heart to hear from another middle-aged woman in a situation (somewhat) similar to mine. The demographics of NOMs and exmos (at least on the boards) seems to skew differently. Glad you're here!

[SeeNoEvil]

Welcome Jinx! Sounds like you have found a way to make all this craziness work. Your family sounds amazing! How lucky for you to have so much support. I too am on the older side of most here. It definitely is a different road at our age but I welcome the energy here and NOM has been my life saver. I look forward to hearing more about your story. You and your DH should take a Sunday off and visit the Harmon group. I went there for a few years and recently moved out of state. There is a lot of great people there!

[Corsair]

Your experience with ward choir is similar enough to my own continued involvement with my ward. I appreciate Christian music as an important cultural bulwark of western civilization. As a tenor who has a talent for sight reading music I am happy to contribute to my ward choir even if I am an unbeliever of LDS truth claims.