How to do you feel about your mission now?

[desertrat]

A few weeks ago my wife and I had a really good conversation with my TBM father in law about our leaving the church. He was very kind and understanding, which was great. He said something about how he appreciates that we seem to have a lot less anger towards the church than some other family members who have left. He said that he doesn't think the church has intentional hidden anything, but that he could understand feeling like the two years I spent on my mission had been wasted. I didn't really respond to the question of the church hiding anything because I didn't want to get into it, but I told him that I have felt quite a bit of anger and that I think it is a healthy and normal part of the grieving process, but that I just probably express it differently than other members of the family. I told him that I don't really feel any anger about my mission, and actually feel like it was overall a good experience that changed my life for the better. There are things that my second mission president did that I've always been angry about, and probably feel even more angry about now, but those are relatively small parts of the whole experience.

My wife and I have been talking about how we want to decorate out new house that we move into next month. My wife has already taken the family proclamation, paintings of JS, etc. to Good Will (no DI, we are not in Utah). I think she even took the painting of Jesus, so we don't have a lot to hang on the walls now. We've decided to hang up things that we like, and are meaningful to us now. I've decided that that will include my mission tag, and photos of my skinny 19 year-old self standing on the castles of Portugal. Those experiences are still sacred to me, but in a totally different way. Now it is about experiencing a different language and culture. Meeting new people and getting to know them. It is about doing really hard things. Living with people you don't like. Dealing with rejection. I'm proud of those things. Luckily I didn't really have any success at all, and refused to do unethical things like other missionaries that my second mission president praised. My main regret now is that i didn't get to visit the Portuguese beeches or try the Port. Now I've at least correct that last regret .

I remember thinking the same thing that my father-in-law did when other RM's left the church, but I guess I'm a little surprised now that I'm in their shoes I'm not really angry about that part at all. How about you other RM's out there...how do you feel about your mission now?

[Ghost]

I absolutely look at my mission as a positive experience, overall. I learned about another culture and language, developed better study habits, and benefited from simply interacting with many different people despite being introverted. Many of the same things you mentioned.

Of course, I remember being somewhat miserable at times as a missionary. But I see that, too, as useful life experience. That said, I realize that I am fortunate to have avoided some of the especially negative things that others have experienced in that environment.

[redjay]

mostly a waste of time. Glad I wasn't very successful. I served in my own country, so there was no cultural discovery, and I have mentioned elsewhere that i found the majority of elders a bit filled with their own self-importance.

I did learn to discipline myself - abiding by the crazy rules did not come naturally, but on the whole I was a diligent missionary, and I lasted two years, which was my commitment to myself, no matter what.

Towards the end I leaned that when I stopped with, what I saw as the deceitful lost sheep program* advocated by my mission leaders, I became more successful, I was getting in and teaching a lot, whereas with the lost sheep program I could never make it work - in other words, to my own self be true. In essence I was disobedient yet I was more successful, and I felt more at peace with myself and god not following what the church was telling me to do. That message has stuck with me and gives me confidence as I navigate my faith transition. So for that lesson from my mission I am grateful.

* The lost Sheep Program involved looking for members who were on the records but haven't been seen in years, you, as a missionary would knock their door from the address on the ward list - most of the time they had moved home, so you would strike up a conversation with the person who had moved in to the house, and then you would knock on the neighbours doors trying to look for a forwarding address - i thought it was stalker like and creepy, and if you as a missing but existing member really wanted to be in contact with the church you would be. The whole thing was to make out like you were really interested in finding the 'lost sheep' but really it was a way to strike up conversations with people who lived around the address on record. Sneaky stuff.

[Raylan Givens]

mostly a waste of time. Glad I wasn't very successful. I served in my own country, so there was no cultural discovery, and I have mentioned elsewhere that i found the majority of elders a bit filled with their own self-importance.

I did learn to discipline myself - abiding by the crazy rules did not come naturally, but on the whole I was a diligent missionary, and I lasted two years, which was my commitment to myself, no matter what.

Towards the end I leaned that when I stopped with, what I saw as the deceitful lost sheep program* advocated by my mission leaders, I became more successful, I was getting in and teaching a lot, whereas with the lost sheep program I could never make it work - in other words, to my own self be true. In essence I was disobedient yet I was more successful, and I felt more at peace with myself and god not following what the church was telling me to do. That message has stuck with me and gives me confidence as I navigate my faith transition. So for that lesson from my mission I am grateful.

I think this is how I feel. I do have some regrets starting school late. I did like meeting new people and I did meet some weird people, even though I was just a few states over.

[Just This Guy]

I'm very mixed on mine.

One the positive side, I was very introverted in high school. My mission forced me to learn to come put of my shell and be comfortable talking to strangers and being sociable. Also, Southern California is a melting pot of the world. I learned a lot about many different world cultures all within an area 20 miles by 30 miles.

On the other hand, it set me back in life by three years. All that time and effort and I have very little to help me in my life today. Military service or the Peace Corp would have been something that I could put towards college or later career. Outside Utah, a mission isn't something you can put on a resume. Proselytizing doesn't count as charity or humanitarian aid.

[redjay]

I'm very mixed on mine.

One the positive side, I was very introverted in high school. My mission forced me to learn to come put of my shell and be comfortable talking to strangers and being sociable. Also, Southern California is a melting pot of the world. I learned a lot about many different world cultures all within an area 20 miles by 30 miles.

On the other hand, it set me back in life by three years. All that time and effort and I have very little to help me in my life today. Military service or the Peace Corp would have been something that I could put towards college or later career. Outside Utah, a mission isn't something you can put on a resume. Proselytizing doesn't count as charity or humanitarian aid.

Fair point - I was quite talkative at school, but speaking to strangers was not my thing at all, so having me stand in the middle of town centres, stopping people and speaking to them about god sure pushed me out of my comfort zone and helped me to put myself forward. (you spend your youth being taught not to speak to strangers and not to discuss politics and religion and then BANG there you are in the field).

[blazerb]

I also have mixed feelings about my mission. I saw some horrible things done to missionaries, members, and others. I saw poverty and political upheaval that can't be imagined in the US, at least for now. My mission president was barely competent. He was unable to speak the language and had no clue how to inspire young men and women.

But, I learned to talk to people. While my mission is not something on my resume, my language abilities have helped me get a job. I think I learned a little empathy for minorities, though I recognize there is a huge difference between being the only white person in a room in Latin America and being the only latino in a room in the US.

I don't think my son will serve a mission. I am encouraging him to look at the Peace Corps or something that will get him experience but won't have the crushing manipulation that accompanies a lot of mission service. My daughter says she wants to serve a mission. We'll see. She is still pretty young.

[MalcolmVillager]

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

The good:
I learned so much. I developed great habits and skills. I learned Spanish. I learned of other cultures and poverty. I made friends and connected in truly deep ways! I saw some amazing conversions and those people have thrived in the church. It truly was a blessing to them!

The bad:
I learned to feel remorse for silly things. I learned to obey without question. I learned to believe everything and not doubt. I wasted 2 years of the prime of my life. I wasted my parents money. I baptised dozens of Argentineans and got them ostracized from their families.

I think it is a great program. Too bad the poor missionaries do not know the truth behind the church.

[Zack Tacorin Dos]

photos of my skinny 19 year-old self standing on the castles of Portugal.

Haha!

How about you other RM's out there...how do you feel about your mission now?

Like a lot of others who've already responded, my feelings are mixed about my mission. I have said before that I've learned since my disaffection that my place on the Church was one of privilege. Not that I was from Mormon royalty, but I'm white, heterosexual, male, middle-class background, have only a relatively light temptation to vices, sort of introverted but with the ability to be socially engaged if motivated, etc. I enjoyed the Church and by extension my mission because I was given the "atta-boys" and mostly ignored the shaming and other harmful practices of the Church. I loved the people of my mission and enjoyed their hospitality for this gringo. Learned a lot from them. Learned a new language. And mission life was actually less stressful for me (once I got the language down) than school and work, because you always knew what you were supposed to be doing (funny how the Church instructs the mishies on just about everything they should do).

Some of the negative I feel regarding my mission is that I now see the proselyting as spiritual and cultural imperialism. I remember estimating that I baptized something like 100 people. My consolation to that is that activity rates there are something like 25% according to Cumorah.com. And I'd guess that activity rates of new converts is even lower. If I fantasize about doing it over, my fantasy is to ditch the religious mission and go support a medical or public health mission. So much poverty there. So useless was my priesthood to alleviate any of the results of that poverty.

Thanks for bringing this up DesRat!
Zack

[deacon blues]

I look back on my mission with good feelings because: 1- I learned there were real Christians who weren't LDS, where in Southeastern Idaho I had been raised in a culture that thought such people were merely ignorant of the "real" gospel. 2- There were some Elders who stayed connected to reality, despite the pressure to turn into automatons missionaries.

[20/20hind]

I dont regret the mission. I developed life long friendships from it. It was more for my own growth as a person. I learned some great lessons about life.

One of those is, dont trust people with confidential information. Those interviews with the mission President showed me very fast that people love to gossip, and will stab you in the back when given a chance to make you look bad while while buiding up their own self esteem. It happened all the time in the mission and happens often in our professional lives.

I do regret "converting" people. I unwittingly spead "the gospel" without full information. But hell i was young and uninformed. So i give myself a pass on that one.

The thought has crossed my mind about contacting people who i introduced to the church and telling them, sorry i was wrong, but if it works for them, i dont want to take that away from them.

I learned about "the shelf" while on my mission. What i mean by that is, i would see very disobedient missionaries make the top baptism goal very frequently. While i struggled to get any baptism. I had some serious cog dis over this one because we were taught if we are obedient to mission rules we would be blessed, and to see the opposite happening really got me thinking.

I started being not so obedient to all the strict rules and i started seeing success.

I put that on the shelf for years.

[ThirdTier]

Mixed feelings like others here:

Since I was *elect* and was called to a foreign mission, I learned a new language and culture. That was cool. Second, I really did learn to love people who were very different from me there. I am very grateful for that.

But, I regret all the time I spent worrying/agonizing during my mission and the 2 decades afterward - that I wasn't good enough and God was disappointed in my service to some degree. And someone probably wasn't converted because I was weak. That, I could have done without.

I know most good Mormons try to combat that mentality in missionaries and elsewhere, but you really can't. It's baked into the system.

[Stig]

I'm also in the mixed feelings group.

Pros - Discovered I had a penchant for teaching and public speaking which has served me well in my career. Learned additional self-discipline and how to work hard. Made some friendships that continue to today (one companion is even on this board).

Cons - I "sold" people something that wasn't real; I have real regrets about that. Those two years might have served me better in school. I kind of abandoned many of my best friends in life because they weren't members. I didn't learn a new language (served in the U.S.). I came home hard-core committed to the Church and it took a very long time to break that loose.

[Random]

I have mixed feelings, too. I didn't go out of the U.S., but it was still a new experience to be in a place where there were so few Mormons. That was good for me. It tore down the base I had and built a new one - based more on Christ and less on culture.

Having the mindset that I was there for the duration was good for me, too. I had a lot of fun with other missionaries (playing tricks on each other part of the time). Other missionaries were not only the highlight of my mission, but also the bane. I did like that I learned to speak extemporaneously, and lost my terror of speaking in meetings (tons of missionary meetings, plus a sacrament meeting).

I met some "investigators" that were not interested in lessons nor in learning about the Church, but who were great to visit. I cursed the stupid planner that required us to account for every minute of our lives (except when we were supposed to be asleep). Without it, I would have spent more time visiting them, especially when I had the most awesome companion ever.

I hated the guilt, and hated the fear that I would mess up and somehow break out of living in a strait jacket. I hated feeling like I'd go to hell if I listened to any music but MoTab, watched any television, and so on. I hated tracting, and hated street contacting even more (I think we only tried it once or twice). I hated the pressure to baptize, baptize, baptize - and to get more discussions than anyone else in the mission. And the one time we did get the most discussions, we didn't get credit for it; another missionary team was on the monthly newsletter getting kudos.

I wish I could have just relaxed and enjoyed it more. I wish the mission had had a policy of allowing missionaries to visit Holland (a city) during the tulip festival. I wish I could have gotten the 9 hours of sleep I desperately needed (in the MTC, I only got 7 1/2 - if I managed to fall asleep the instant my head hit the pillow). The MTC taught me to fall asleep in the temple. Sleep deprived + dark room and quiet voices = zzzzz


edit:typo

[Culper Jr.]

I have pretty negative feelings about my mission. I served in Salt Lake City, and at the time we were the highest baptizing english speaking mission. There was a lot of pressure to maintain that, especially with church HQ so close. I was pretty naive, and I had a really hard time reconciling the numbers driven hard sell approach that was taught with the spirit driven gospel approach that I expected. Loren C. Dunn was the Area Authority over our mission, and that dude had some pretty wacky ideas about how the gospel message should be presented. Some of that stuff was over the top culty. Affirmation cards we had to memorize, trying to commit people to baptism on the door approach, the special manipulation meetings we had to take investigators to if they were not committed to baptism by the 4th discussion... and all I had wanted to do was teach the gospel; what was I thinking?

I came home a guilt ridden wreck. After struggling for a year or so I decided to enlist in the air force... best decision I ever made. It taught me everything my mission didn't and set me up for success in life. And now with my disaffection with the church... wow, what a waste. What if I had joined the military instead of a mission. What kind of person would I be without that 2 year mind f___ ? I get mad even thinking about it.

[PalmSprings]

Looking back very negative. I would have made much better use of my time attending college and learning skills that would have actually helped me landing a job and improve my self confidence. Plus I learned there is NO privacy within the organization of the church. My over the top crazy parents called my mission president to gossip about me. Missions are not for everyone and although I wasn't a bad missionary, I didn't enjoy it one bit.