A New Name
Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2016 4:41 pm
Hello! I'm glad to see NOM 2.0 is up and active. I was mostly a lurker on NOM 1.0, so here is a brief reintroduction (with my new NOM 2.0 name).
I'm a multi-generational Mormon, BIC, son of a seminary teacher & grew up on the Wasatch Front. I wasn't perfect, but I always strived to choose the right growing up in a pretty orthodox family. I was seminary president in the mid-80's and was one of the oldest in my graduating class, so I was endowed and left on my mission the fall after graduation. In spite of all the things I tried to do to prepare to serve a mission, it didn't work out for me. My faith crisis started the day of my temple endowment. I was really creeped out by the strangeness of the experience and didn't feel the spirit at all. Then I left on my mission and really struggled with the experience and ended up coming home after just a few months, very depressed and ashamed.
I wasn't treated badly for coming home early, but I just felt like no one knew how to act around me or what to say to me. I struggled for years to overcome my depression and fit in, yet still remaining active in the Church, although very unsure of my beliefs.
I met my wife, who loved me and accepted me for who I was and I was finally able to put my nightmare mission experience behind me. We got married in the temple within a few more years. I kind of put my faith crisis on the shelf and moved on with life, and was pretty much living the Mormon dream - 5 kids, faithful Church service, etc. Then I had my two oldest sons go through similar mission experiences, with both returning home early. All the negative mission memories and feelings returned and I started to sincerely doubt the truth claims of the Church, and for the first time, I began looking at non-Church approved sources for answers. I found Mormon Stories, Mormon Matters, A Thoughtful Faith, Mormon Discussion Podcasts and other sources of non-sanitized information and couldn't get enough.
Nothing really shook me that much, but at some point, I admitted to myself that I didn't believe the truth claims of the Church anymore, and I probably hadn't for some time. I thought there was still a lot of good in the Church, and then the November exclusion policy happened, which really shook me to the core. I am still active now, but it's not the path that I would choose for myself. I'm only doing it to stay married. My TBM spouse does not understand and is still 100% committed to the Church. Unfortunately we can't talk about our beliefs much, because she always ends up in tears and I feel like the biggest dirtbag on earth.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!
I'm a multi-generational Mormon, BIC, son of a seminary teacher & grew up on the Wasatch Front. I wasn't perfect, but I always strived to choose the right growing up in a pretty orthodox family. I was seminary president in the mid-80's and was one of the oldest in my graduating class, so I was endowed and left on my mission the fall after graduation. In spite of all the things I tried to do to prepare to serve a mission, it didn't work out for me. My faith crisis started the day of my temple endowment. I was really creeped out by the strangeness of the experience and didn't feel the spirit at all. Then I left on my mission and really struggled with the experience and ended up coming home after just a few months, very depressed and ashamed.
I wasn't treated badly for coming home early, but I just felt like no one knew how to act around me or what to say to me. I struggled for years to overcome my depression and fit in, yet still remaining active in the Church, although very unsure of my beliefs.
I met my wife, who loved me and accepted me for who I was and I was finally able to put my nightmare mission experience behind me. We got married in the temple within a few more years. I kind of put my faith crisis on the shelf and moved on with life, and was pretty much living the Mormon dream - 5 kids, faithful Church service, etc. Then I had my two oldest sons go through similar mission experiences, with both returning home early. All the negative mission memories and feelings returned and I started to sincerely doubt the truth claims of the Church, and for the first time, I began looking at non-Church approved sources for answers. I found Mormon Stories, Mormon Matters, A Thoughtful Faith, Mormon Discussion Podcasts and other sources of non-sanitized information and couldn't get enough.
Nothing really shook me that much, but at some point, I admitted to myself that I didn't believe the truth claims of the Church anymore, and I probably hadn't for some time. I thought there was still a lot of good in the Church, and then the November exclusion policy happened, which really shook me to the core. I am still active now, but it's not the path that I would choose for myself. I'm only doing it to stay married. My TBM spouse does not understand and is still 100% committed to the Church. Unfortunately we can't talk about our beliefs much, because she always ends up in tears and I feel like the biggest dirtbag on earth.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!