Hello darlings
Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2017 1:31 pm
I might hang out here for a while. It's a bit less intense than exmo reddit. Mormon since 11 yrs old. Non-mormon community. Mission. Married within 3 months of mission, first kid 9 months later. More kids. lots of school. All as we're supposed to do.
I don't know when the rot set in/my liberation started. I remember years ago reading Kerry Shirts (apologist) web site and sending him an email in gratitude - this was early days of the internet. For some reason about a year or so ago I decided to do a google search for Kerry only to find out he had stepped away from the LDS church - that gave me a wobble (here was an informed dedicated defender of the faith saying it was bunkum - if he couldn't be sure it, what about the rest of us less informed guys and gals?), but I was too busy to give it serious consideration.
Anyway I thought I had answers for all the anti-mormon stuff it was lies, half truths - Bruce R said that Adam God was never an issue, the Masonic Influence on the temple was only due to the mason having a corrupted version of the endowment etc. So when my teenagers started falling away I would respect their will but tell them the church was true, even if it was not perfect.
But I found church boring, oodles and oodles of tedium. With the internet we had the blogosphere and Times and Seasons had some meaty stuff going on, deeper doctrinal questions and ideas. Someone on Times and Seasons mentioned Rough Stone Rolling (it was either just coming out or had not been out long). So I gave it a bash. But I just parked any faith troubling questions. I then read the Biography of Brigham Young by Turner, it didn't challenge my faith but it broke my long-standing hero worship of Brigham. But what really set me off was a facebook link to the Hans Mattson story in the NY Times. I then listened to his interview on Mormon Stories and I went on youtube and watched videos about the church (non-approved ones): the Hans Mattson and you tube vids were read. listened to and watched in about two days, and my shelf was upside down. I'm a little fuzzy of the time line now, but I think I held off for about 8 months before doing anything else. I spoke with my wife and let her know I had questions but I would hold off (I had some severe professional commitments that took up most of my time). When my commitments abated I sat down and examined the Book of Abraham. My wife had said previously have you checked the sources? So I went and read as deeply as I could, in the end the LDS apologist arguments did not work. Everything else could be argued, BOM, Polyandry... but the facsimile translations were wrong and were irrefutable proof that Joseph could not do what he claimed. On the polygamy front it seemed to me that if Joseph did practice polygamy then he was a liar, because he denied it. If Joseph didn't practice polygamy, Brigham was a liar because he said that Joseph did. Either way check-mate the church the LDS church was scuppered.
So I resigned from the bishopric - my Stake Presidency were very supportive and understanding. I looked at what the church was offering, by virtue of being an RM, educated and in the UK I was looking at being the next Bishop and spending the next 20 years shoulder to the wheel. I could see no point, and no fulfilment. My temple rec has lapsed. I still attend, I enjoy the hymns and my wife is still devout. However my wife knows that I would never lead her wrong, and if I say there is something amiss, there is something amiss - she has read the CES letter (over a year ago) but won't discuss. She knows I would be very much less active if she and my younger kids did not want to go. Putting too much distance between me and the church would cause serious health problems for one of my parents. So in a way compromising my integrity and not being wholly transparent is probably the most charitable thing I can do. I'm still in the anger stage with the organisation. I have no intention of keeping any mormon commandment unless it is within what I feel is good for me and mine, e.g. smoking tobacco is a no no, and martial fidelity is important, also rolling in drunk would upset my younger kids.
OK that's me, not the most riveting read but hey ho - it said 'introductions' so now you have one.
I don't know when the rot set in/my liberation started. I remember years ago reading Kerry Shirts (apologist) web site and sending him an email in gratitude - this was early days of the internet. For some reason about a year or so ago I decided to do a google search for Kerry only to find out he had stepped away from the LDS church - that gave me a wobble (here was an informed dedicated defender of the faith saying it was bunkum - if he couldn't be sure it, what about the rest of us less informed guys and gals?), but I was too busy to give it serious consideration.
Anyway I thought I had answers for all the anti-mormon stuff it was lies, half truths - Bruce R said that Adam God was never an issue, the Masonic Influence on the temple was only due to the mason having a corrupted version of the endowment etc. So when my teenagers started falling away I would respect their will but tell them the church was true, even if it was not perfect.
But I found church boring, oodles and oodles of tedium. With the internet we had the blogosphere and Times and Seasons had some meaty stuff going on, deeper doctrinal questions and ideas. Someone on Times and Seasons mentioned Rough Stone Rolling (it was either just coming out or had not been out long). So I gave it a bash. But I just parked any faith troubling questions. I then read the Biography of Brigham Young by Turner, it didn't challenge my faith but it broke my long-standing hero worship of Brigham. But what really set me off was a facebook link to the Hans Mattson story in the NY Times. I then listened to his interview on Mormon Stories and I went on youtube and watched videos about the church (non-approved ones): the Hans Mattson and you tube vids were read. listened to and watched in about two days, and my shelf was upside down. I'm a little fuzzy of the time line now, but I think I held off for about 8 months before doing anything else. I spoke with my wife and let her know I had questions but I would hold off (I had some severe professional commitments that took up most of my time). When my commitments abated I sat down and examined the Book of Abraham. My wife had said previously have you checked the sources? So I went and read as deeply as I could, in the end the LDS apologist arguments did not work. Everything else could be argued, BOM, Polyandry... but the facsimile translations were wrong and were irrefutable proof that Joseph could not do what he claimed. On the polygamy front it seemed to me that if Joseph did practice polygamy then he was a liar, because he denied it. If Joseph didn't practice polygamy, Brigham was a liar because he said that Joseph did. Either way check-mate the church the LDS church was scuppered.
So I resigned from the bishopric - my Stake Presidency were very supportive and understanding. I looked at what the church was offering, by virtue of being an RM, educated and in the UK I was looking at being the next Bishop and spending the next 20 years shoulder to the wheel. I could see no point, and no fulfilment. My temple rec has lapsed. I still attend, I enjoy the hymns and my wife is still devout. However my wife knows that I would never lead her wrong, and if I say there is something amiss, there is something amiss - she has read the CES letter (over a year ago) but won't discuss. She knows I would be very much less active if she and my younger kids did not want to go. Putting too much distance between me and the church would cause serious health problems for one of my parents. So in a way compromising my integrity and not being wholly transparent is probably the most charitable thing I can do. I'm still in the anger stage with the organisation. I have no intention of keeping any mormon commandment unless it is within what I feel is good for me and mine, e.g. smoking tobacco is a no no, and martial fidelity is important, also rolling in drunk would upset my younger kids.
OK that's me, not the most riveting read but hey ho - it said 'introductions' so now you have one.
