NOM

As a bit of background, I left the LDS church a couple of years ago after it stopped working for my family and I found myself having to "translate" many things said in church so they fit my belief system.

My husband left the church long ago, after realizing that he couldn't believe in a church based on the Old Testament. I left the church with no rancor and let the bishop and primary president (I was in the nursery) know I was leaving. I maintain friendly relationships with people from my ward.

Here's my strange question of the day. I received a notice that I had a certified letter from the church, and that I need to go to the post office to pick it up. It could have been to either my husband or me, as only our last name was listed.

Neither one of us is very outspoken about leaving the church, although it is not a secret. I do attend the Unitarian church (not going to church on Sunday is a hard habit to break) and I do post about activities that I go to there.

It really surprised me to get a certified letter from the church. I'm friends with enough people that they could just call me, I haven't made any tithing donations ... not sure what it's about. Has anyone heard of anything like this?

Welcome to the forum. Wonder what could be in that mystery letter? Hope it is something good.

Yes, welcome!

Certified mail costs $$$. The church would only spend money unnecessarily if it was something important and/or something they need to prove you received.

You could always just ignore it, and let the postal system "Return to Sender".

wtfluff wrote: ↑Mon Mar 13, 2017 8:46 am You could always just ignore it, and let the postal system "Return to Sender".

I love this idea. Of course curiosity is extremely intriguing, it would be awesome to thwart the attempt.

My guess that the mysterious letter is an invitation to a loving gathering with about fifteen men from your stake. Certified letters are one way they notify members of such get togethers.

Probably some friend from the ward has seen your Unitarian posts and figures you have jumped ship officially.

Tough decision to make.

Hope I'm wrong and it's something pleasant.

I called the bishop. He told me the certified letter was indeed about my "membership." He said that because I was attending the Unitarian church, and espoused their beliefs, it was considered apostasy. "It might be easier for us/you if you requested your records be removed from the church." He said that he had had "reports from several people" and had "called around" to ascertain that this was true (that I was attending the Unitarian church). I told him that the handbook stated that someone needed to formally join another church AND advocate its teachings, neither of which did I do. I told him I did believe their teachings, which consist of things like "Each person is important and be kind in all you do..." and that I might at some point sign the book which would make me a member, but that I had not yet done that. He said it is not a disciplinary council, but a review. I asked him if the church is in the process of cleaning house, and he said no, that this was the first time this had happened to him. He said the only people who knew about it were him and the stake president.

I still haven't decided what I'm going to do. I don't think it's appropriate to even call for a review, as the handbook states that "total inactivity or attending another church does not constitute apostasy." I don't really mind if my records are removed, but I want it to be my decision.

No Tof wrote: ↑Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:38 am My guess that the mysterious letter is an invitation to a loving gathering with about fifteen men from your stake. Certified letters are one way they notify members of such get togethers.

Something else that makes me grumpy is that a friend of mine told me if it's a woman, they only meet with the bishop about membership/disciplinary counsel, whereas if it's a man with the MP, they meet with the whole high counsel.

It looks to me like the bishop has made up his mind. Next move is yours. I'm sorry this is being placed upon you.

Canterbury wrote: ↑Wed Mar 15, 2017 4:41 pm

No Tof wrote: ↑Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:38 am My guess that the mysterious letter is an invitation to a loving gathering with about fifteen men from your stake. Certified letters are one way they notify members of such get togethers.

Something else that makes me grumpy is that a friend of mine told me if it's a woman, they only meet with the bishop about membership/disciplinary counsel, whereas if it's a man with the MP, they meet with the whole high counsel.

My understanding is that men have the entire high council, stake presidency, and bishopric there, and that women have only their bishopric. Effed up, man.

Canterbury wrote: ↑Wed Mar 15, 2017 4:40 pm He said that because I was attending the Unitarian church, and espoused their beliefs, it was considered apostasy.

He might have a point, after all, the Unitarians would not have sent their world renowned choir to celebrate the inauguration of Donald Trump.

At a time where the retention of members is precarious, it does not seem wise to clean house. The less accepting the Church becomes, the more members will leave.

Canterbury wrote: ↑Wed Mar 15, 2017 4:41 pm

No Tof wrote: ↑Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:38 am My guess that the mysterious letter is an invitation to a loving gathering with about fifteen men from your stake. Certified letters are one way they notify members of such get togethers.

Something else that makes me grumpy is that a friend of mine told me if it's a woman, they only meet with the bishop about membership/disciplinary counsel, whereas if it's a man with the MP, they meet with the whole high counsel.

As a former ward clerk, I can attest to the veracity of that claim. Men, if they are going up for something serious, have to meet before the SP and the HC. Women only have to meet with the BP and his counselors, and the disciplinary decision is made at that level, even excommunication.

wtfluff wrote: ↑Mon Mar 13, 2017 8:46 am You could always just ignore it, and let the postal system "Return to Sender".

I like this idea a lot.

I would highly recommend that you don't attend any councils. They are emotionally violent and nobody that has gone through one has enjoyed the experience. Think of attending a large meeting with self-important people wearing suits, telling you that they don't like you or want you on their team. Not delightful.

Just ignore them and let them do whatever the heck they feel like, or remove your name from the records from the church. They only have as much power over you as you give them. Give them none. Just politely say, "no thanks" to any requests to meet. Definitely don't allow them to put you through the emotional beating that is a "court of love".

Having listened to several people who have gone through them, they are designed to make you feel horrible, alone, and isolated. I can tell by how you are responding already that this is affecting you negatively. Don't let it. It doesn't have to.