NOM

My 21 year old son recently had contact with a girl his age that our family babysat when the kids were very young. Her family moved away (to Utah of course, where else?) when she was eight or nine years old. After their phone conversation my son informed me that his childhood friend was now married and also that she did not attend church "but still believed in God". This made me curious, so as I had texted her when the two became reacquainted (long distance) to say hello (she had become quite beloved in our household and we all missed her terribly when her family left), I felt comfortable asking her current status with church, meaning whether she was just inactive or if she had had a faith transition. It will be interesting to see how she responds. I told her that I had had a faith transition, so she'd know that was the basis of my inquiry. I'm publicly a non-believer, so there is no concern about having outed myself to her or her family.

What think ye?

Have you had occasion to reach out like this?

If so, did you?

Update: I thought surely these situations had come up for other people that would like to chime in on what they did or would do when confronted with such opportunities, but regardless, just in case anyone is interested I'll update with her response. She texted back and didn't say anything about church truth claims, but just that when she got out of high school she spent some time observing the situation and concluded that church participation just didn't benefit her life. I told her that was a very mature conclusion to reach at such a young age and let it go at that. It would have been more interesting, I suppose, to learn that she had studied her way into disbelief like so many of us, but it was interested to learn the story, regardless.

I tried to reach out to someone when they were considering divorcing over what seemed to be at least partly based on one's faith crisis - but I think it was more involved and I didn't want to push anything.

There's someone in our ward who I know is NOM or rather done with the church. We're "friends" on facebook (that's how we discovered it). We used to chat here and there, but we haven't seen each other lately. Maybe I'll see how she's doing.

My brother and sister reached out to me when they discovered some things about Mormonism. After they all read it, they gave me "Mormon America" which was kind of eye-opening. And another friend who had a NDE became inactive and when I asked her if Mormonism was a cult as someone said, she explained from a spiritual perspective how the church was not even close to the fullness of truth.

I've been able to meet a few likeminded folk in real life and find it is really helpful.

As time goes forward however, I think just the common ground of being fellow former believers isn't enough to base a long term friendship. Some have become real friends because we share other interests while others have dwindled as we have both moved beyond the church stuff.

I still really value the real time sharing though so would advise us all to have actual conversations to supplement our NOM diet.

I've had a few experiences like this, that I've been able to help those with questions, but that was before I became rather vocal about some of the stupidity. Now, I'm avoided like the plague - either out of fear of being seen talking with the ward apostate, or that I will infect them with my critical thinking disease. Fun times.

No Tof wrote: ↑Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:57 am I've been able to meet a few likeminded folk in real life and find it is really helpful.

As time goes forward however, I think just the common ground of being fellow former believers isn't enough to base a long term friendship. Some have become real friends because we share other interests while others have dwindled as we have both moved beyond the church stuff.

I still really value the real time sharing though so would advise us all to have actual conversations to supplement our NOM diet.

Definitely. Besides work and family, it's good to have some other social interactions. But I think this isn't easy - especially if:
1. You got lazy, having had the church make socializing required.
2. You're surrounded by TBMs and you fear that eventually, some topic you feel strongly in disagreement about, is going to come up and make it more difficult to relate.