Creative Mormon Mythology

[slavereeno]

[moksha]

How the Yucatán was Lost



A short cinematic look at how the Yucatán was lost. Part of the Lamanite Heritage Series at BYU.

[moksha]

Getting Polygamy off the Ground

The Angel with the drawn sword took the lead and said, "Do this".

[moksha]

I respectfully request a Mormon member on this board to please list 10 questions that the Book of Mormon gives answers.

1. Was there really a land north and a land south in the Americas?

2. Is there a French compound word from the Reformed Egyptian words: Ahd meaning “have an excellent or adequate” and Eew meaning “leave-taking or farewell” to be found anywhere in the Book of Mormon?

3. Was there a Book of Mormon equivalent for a GPS system?

4. Assuming Brainiac captured an Earth city and beamed it up into space, does the Book of Mormon offer any clues as to which city was taken?

5. Have there ever been any reports of the noted astrological phenomena in which a planet stops its rotation for over a day mentioned in the Book of Mormon?

6. Does the Book of Mormon offer any hints about curious ships dropping large burly Asians off on various Pacific Ocean islands?

7. Did the Book of Mormon make any mention of the wonderful creatures we know as Penguins and Ostriches through the use of their taxological names, Curelom Penguinensis and Cumom Headinsandicus?

8. Did the Book of Mormon ever mention any visiting famous relatives of deities making an appearance in the Mesoamerican TED talks?

9. Did the Book of Mormon mention any refuges seeking to hide sacred records in Upstate New York while bearing a phony green card and using a cover story of doing seasonal kitchen work at one of the Adirondack resorts?

10. Were portions of the answer to the above question omitted to save on Reformed Egyptian algorithm space in the Golden Plates?

Hope that helps.

[moksha]

Recently Elder David Bednar was at a swanky soirée in Park City, Utah held at the Chateau Romney. Each important guest had their name and titles announced as they descended the marble staircase. Two places ahead of Elder Bednar some blond-haired dame handed the head butler her card and he announced, “Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regnant of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons”.

Elder Bednar did not wish to be outdone, so he added a few extra entries to his introduction card. Besides the usual, it read "Fourth of Twelve in the Quorum, Doctorate of organizational behavior from Purdue University, First Primate of Rexburg, Holder of the Royal Melchezidek Priesthood, Future President of the One True Church, and Right hand of God". Elder Bednar felt quite pleased that he was able to upstage that Targaryen woman.

[RubinHighlander]

Elder Bednar did not wish to be outdone, so he added a few extra entries to his introduction card. Besides the usual, it read "Fourth of Twelve in the Quorum, Doctorate of organizational behavior from Purdue University, First Primate of Rexburg, Holder of the Royal Melchezidek Priesthood, Future President of the One True Church, and Right hand of God".

Thanks for the laugh swiming bird man! I think he could have added "High Mason Master of Sacred Smugness"

5. Have there ever been any reports of the noted astrological phenomena in which a planet stops its rotation for over a day mentioned in the Book of Mormon?

Not just stop the planet, but made it so only one continent had a day night day with no night. The other side of the globe only got a bright star but still got their night. Or perhaps the brightness of the new star turned it up a few million lumens for only one side of the globe. That's what you get when your prophet only had a 3rd grade education and hadn't had astrophysics yet.

[moksha]

A Convert Story

A peace-loving hippie joined the LDS Church. When attending his first Elder's Quorum meeting he noticed that most of the Elders were sneering at him. It became so uncomfortable that he finally had to ask, "What is it? Why is everybody looking at me so disapprovingly?" The group became silent until one young Elder spoke up, "It's your manner of dress. You are wearing shorts, sandals, and a tie-dyed T-shirt. All the rest of us are dressed as God commanded us in appropriate business attire."

The next Sunday the same peace-loving guy came dressed in a dark suit, white shirt, and conservative tie. The members all beamed at him and shook his hand. Later, when he was walking home from church, a neighbor spoke to him and asked what possessed him to wear a suit. He looked at his neighbor and thoughtfully explained, "When you are a sheep and attending a meeting of wolves, it helps to dress in wolf's clothing".

[moksha]

More Archeological Proof for the Book of Mormon

The New Story of Humanity's Origins in Africa: Several new discoveries suggest that our species didn’t arise from a single point in space. Instead, the entire continent was our cradle. Our Adam-ondi-Ahman.

Consider the ancient human fossils from a Moroccan cave called Jebel Irhoud, which were described last year. These 315,000-year-old bones are the oldest known fossils of Homo sapiens. They not only pushed back the proposed dawn of our species, but they added northwest Africa to the list of possible origin sites. They also had an odd combination of features, combining the flat faces of modern humans with the elongated skulls of ancient species like Homo erectus. From the front, they could have passed for us; from the side, they would have stood out as BYU students.

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/arc ... ns/564779/

[moksha]

How come Joseph Smith didn't know there were no horses nor European domesticated animals in the Americas during the Book of Mormon time frame?

Due to the sedimentary process, the Seer Stone entries on many facets of the Nephite experience, such as with domesticated animals and cultivars, were garbled. It was later revealed that the horses mentioned in the book were actually tapirs of unusual size.

Hope that helps.

[Just This Guy]

Tapirs of Unusual Size?

Nah, I don't think they exist.

*wham*

[moksha]

Explanation

Fig. 1. Asthma sufferer stifling a horrendous sneeze.

Fig. 2. Communications officer, wearing the sacred antenna, patting him on the back.

Fig. 3. Venus Flytrap about to consume a baby duck.

Fig. 4. Mindy, the asthma sufferer's teenage daughter.

Fig. 5. Chad Hotep, Mindy's boyfriend.

Fig. 6. One-eyed alien with a thing for Chad.

Mindy is asking asthma dad for ten gold shats so that she and Chad can go that night's chariot races.
Bruce the one-eyed alien will probably tag along to cop some feels off of Chad.

[moksha]

The Attack of the Giant Brine Shrimp was a fine example of the LDS horror genre. It sent chills to the navel and apprehension to the marrow to imagine a tiny brine shrimp experiencing the semi-supernatural forces of chemical tailings from Kennecott and excesses religious texts dumped into the Jordan River by Deseret Book, suddenly thrust into being the one Supreme Brine Shrimp without even a millennium of eternal progression. That was enough to make its antennular flagellum writhe in agony!

No wonder the Brine Shrimp sought solace from the hand of the Brigham Young statue on Main Street. He was after all a Prophet of God. The Church was in no way culpable of the subsequent destruction of the Tribune sign or the conflagration of the Saltair resort. The Brine Shrimp exercised its own free agency.

Fortunately, the deliverance of Saints from the maw of the shrimp was secured when a Giant Seagull of the Lord appeared and did battle with the enraged Brine Shrimp.

To this day the exoskeleton is kept under constant guard in a sacred and sequestered vault at the mouth of Little Cottonwood Canyon.

[moksha]

Austrian Branch of Mormonism - "the COJCOLDS"

Ötzi the Iceman's 5,300-year-old remains were found by two hikers on a mountain between Austria and Italy in 1991. Since then, researchers have learned much about Europe’s oldest natural mummy, such as Ötzi having 19 genetic relations still living in Austria.

Now, what does that have to do with Mormonism? That is where the story really becomes interesting. Not only did Ötzi have 19 living relatives living in Austria, but they all have Nephite genetic markers, proving that Ötzi was the progenitor of Lehi from Jerusalem.

And now you know the rest of the glacial melting story.

[moksha]

Temple evolution is definitely one of those controversial subjects among the Saints.

Some who hold with the Young America theory, contend that the Temple in Salt Lake has been around since the creation, about 6,000 years ago. Certain scholars at Utah Valley University contend that Temples evolved from a rock outcropping at Adam-ondi-Ahman Missouri, to the ancient Temple of Solomon in Israel, to the gothic splendor of the Salt Lake City Temple. These so-called "Temple Evolutionists" have even been so bold as to point out that divergent species such as the Cathedral of Notre Dame, and the Familia Sagrada Basilica in Barcelona, and the Crystal Cathedral in Orange Grove, California exist as proof of Temple evolution. Temple fundamentalists insist that these other structures do not exist or were planted by Satan to deceive the faithful.

Hope that helps.

[deacon blues]

Brilliant! Moksha, you should write a book. By the way, did you use to write for MAD magazine? Your lyrics show stylistic similarities with MAD magazines of the early 1970's. Also, I don't want to blow your cover, but are your initials T.T. and did you once marry an A.A? I'm a B.R. who once was married to J.A.

[moksha]

There is a good interview with Marshall Brooks in today's Salt Lake Tribune:

https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2019/03 ... rmons-are/

Upon reading the article, I knew the First Presidency would issue an immediate and inspired response.

If they experience their faith as embodied and experiential vis-à-vis sexuality, then sexuality is also the locus through which faith needs to be undone. What I found fascinating is how sexuality becomes the locus of the undoing of that entrenched feeling of faith.

After a late night revelatory episode by her husband, Sister Nelson released this message bypassing the normal Presidential Newsroom route:

After what we read yesterday, we are calling an immediate session of the Brethren to pray for an army of seagulls to rid us of these locus affecting the faith of our young.

[RubinHighlander]

There is a good interview with Marshall Brooks in today's Salt Lake Tribune:

https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2019/03 ... rmons-are/

Upon reading the article, I knew the First Presidency would issue an immediate and inspired response.

If they experience their faith as embodied and experiential vis-à-vis sexuality, then sexuality is also the locus through which faith needs to be undone. What I found fascinating is how sexuality becomes the locus of the undoing of that entrenched feeling of faith.

After a late night revelatory episode by her husband, Sister Nelson released this message bypassing the normal Presidential Newsroom route:

After what we read yesterday, we are calling an immediate session of the Brethren to pray for an army of seagulls to rid us of these locus affecting the faith of our young.

Unfortunately Wendy fails to realize how narcissistic seagulls have become behind the Zion curtain. Brigamite era gulls were less nuanced than the modern gulls of the Great Basin today.

[moksha]

SALT LAKE CITY - Even The Church of Jesus Christ has released details of its revolutionary new member recruitment procedure.

A new member receives Mormon truth stimulus via electrode attachments

This new procedure being conducted at the Intermountain Health Care Center in Murray, Utah will hopefully stem the tide of flat growth for the former Mormon Church. Dr. Egon H. Spengler, of the First Quorum of LDS Experimental Surgeons, hopes that the new trial of electrode implantations will result in an entirely new breed of converts who will remain active and impervious to the historical information now plaguing the current generation of LDS Millennials. Dr. Spengler adds, "So far the Brethren are very happy with our work. We aim to make them even happier with new converts who will stand to attention even before the Brethren enter a room".

[moksha]

[moksha]

New Artwork for Remodeled Temples


Captain Moroni battles Raptor at Mount Timpanogas