NOM

This stinks. It sounds like you are ready to handle it as well as possible. I'm probably going to face this situation in 2-10 years. I will remember this.

This thread is basically about how to keep the focus on the bride and groom, so I guess on of my best replies might be: "Today is about (happy couple.) If you really want to talk about me at some point in the future, let me know." (The vast majority of believers don't really want to talk about it, so that'll end the conversation forever...)

Very much agree with you -- the day is about the happy couple and not about any one person's belief system. I think you're right that Mormons, especially passive-aggressive ones, do not want to get into contentious discussions about religion and will try to avoid those interactions. I think you're doing a wonderful job of sorting everything out, and you're really on the right track. Please keep us updated on what happens. I really admire your thoughtfulness in working out these important issues. -- Wndr.

P.S. - I agree with Blazer that it stinks that the church, which constantly chirps that "it's all about the family", is able to so callously separate parents from children at one of the most important moments of their lives. That's an absolute load of b.s., and it has always infuriated me. -- Wndr.

lostinmiddlemormonism wrote: ↑Tue Dec 11, 2018 4:26 pm 4. Kind - I wish the couple all of the best. I respect and honor their beliefs, but those beliefs are not mine.
-Lost

Sounds great but I would leave out the italicized part. Unless we were Donald Trump, good wishes do not need to be about us - just the happy couple.

Separate Moksha rant - It seems highly disrespectful for a child to leave a parent out of a wedding ceremony. Best if the couple got married in a ceremony where all loved ones can attend and do the Temple stuff later on.

moksha wrote: ↑Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:21 pmSeparate Moksha rant - It seems highly disrespectful for a child to leave a parent out of a wedding ceremony. Best if the couple got married in a ceremony where all loved ones can attend and do the Temple stuff later on.

Yeah, I think we have ample evidence that a kid who was raised in the LDS Corporation has been indoctrinated their entire life to believe that the LDS Corporation is much more important than their parents. It's not disrespectful, in fact it is the parent's fault for not being good enough. (Not saying that's "right," I'm saying that's what they are taught, and I'm pretty sure most of believed the same way at some point in our lives.)

I don't fault my kid at all, nor think they are being disrespectful; They're doing exactly what their extremely high demand religion told them to do. (They're also afraid that the (supposedly) all-powerful toga-wearing alien living near Kolob will punish them for eternity if they don't do the polygamous cult ceremony. Beyond that they're probably even more afraid of "what everyone else will think" if they don't do the cult ceremony.)

The blame lies entirely in the court of LDS-Inc. This practice is literally against the law in pretty much every country in the world besides the USA. They could change the policy in an instant, but that would impact tithing revenue, and we all know that tithing revenue is much more important than family togetherness.

Sorry to hear this fluff. I am headed down the same road myself. I have a recommend still for this very reason, but I am getting tired of keeping up the ruse.

So sorry for this. This will place you on another journey, that many of us long to be on.

2bizE wrote: ↑Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:21 pmSo sorry for this. This will place you on another journey, that many of us long to be on.

The journey of being "out" to my siblings/family? That's not really going to change much for me, except for the sad looks on their faces, and probably more people writing my name on a slip of paper so people in baker's hats and veils can chant in a circle for me.

I guess I'll be able to get away with buying a shirt that says: "I am an empty chair" and wear it publicly, but I'm not sure that would be a great idea.

If I were you, I’d probably be sure to mention to whoever gossips most: (that way you’re not being pushy about it but are getting out nicer gossip about you than people thinking the worst)...

“I sure wish I could be there for - & -‘s wedding moment, but we send our tithes to those in need so I don’t have a recommend. (& maybe joke) I guess I graduated from Mormonism.”

I actually said about the tithes recently when someone asked if I wanted to go do temple work with them, and like the humor you mentioned about moving on from Mormonism.

Show up with a coffee cup and point to it.

DW and I just usually have plans during temple stuff (we luckily have had legitimate excuses). Sorry, we are in charge of X,Y,Z, we love you and hope you have a wonderful experience. See you at the reception.

This year I have lost 75 lbs, so there were a lot of clothes I couldn’t use anymore. I donated most of them, but kept a few pieces for sentimental reasons, even though I’ll never be able to wear them without major alterations. They just don’t fit me now.

Over the past several years my eyes have been opened about the reality of the church, and I have stopped attending. There may be some good things there, but most would need major alterations before I could willingly include them in my life. The doctrines and policies of the church don’t fit the person I am now. There are family members who still attend and that’s fine, but it’s just not useful for me, any more than my old clothes that are 5 sizes too big. Time to move on to a way of life that serves me better.

wtfluff wrote: ↑Tue Dec 11, 2018 11:15 am ... The funny thought of going in disguise has crossed my mind also...

Raylan Givens wrote: ↑Wed Dec 12, 2018 10:35 pm Show up with a coffee cup and point to it.

DW and I just usually have plans during temple stuff (we luckily have had legitimate excuses). Sorry, we are in charge of X,Y,Z, we love you and hope you have a wonderful experience. See you at the reception.

So... If one of your kids got married in the temple, you'd just skip the after-ceremony photos, etc. and just show up at the reception?

nibbler wrote: ↑Thu Dec 13, 2018 9:08 am

wtfluff wrote: ↑Tue Dec 11, 2018 11:15 am ... The funny thought of going in disguise has crossed my mind also...

Thanks for the GIGGLE nibbler.

Now... I've got to figure out how to make that into a real Halloween costume. I wonder if they make "industrial sized" tubs of Fluff?

Congrats on the wedding, sorry it's under these circumstances.

How about "Those mirrors really creep me out."

vankimber wrote: ↑Thu Dec 13, 2018 3:06 am This year I have lost 75 lbs, so there were a lot of clothes I couldn’t use anymore. I donated most of them, but kept a few pieces for sentimental reasons, even though I’ll never be able to wear them without major alterations. They just don’t fit me now.

Over the past several years my eyes have been opened about the reality of the church, and I have stopped attending. There may be some good things there, but most would need major alterations before I could willingly include them in my life. The doctrines and policies of the church don’t fit the person I am now. There are family members who still attend and that’s fine, but it’s just not useful for me, any more than my old clothes that are 5 sizes too big. Time to move on to a way of life that serves me better.

Many congratulations on your weight loss ! Just as the wrong size clothes don't fit our bodies any more, the old beliefs don't fit our minds and our souls any more. We've moved on and are now in a new stage of our life. That's why we never have to apologize for not having a temple recommend or for waiting outside for those who still choose to be enmeshed in the old rituals which don't provide spiritual nourishment any more for ourselves. -JMO -- Wndr.

The worst part is TBM people actually pity us for not having a temple recommend!

Well it's actually a pretty good gig minus the missing WTF's Kid Wedding part.

I actually enjoy not having to be subjected to a repetitive bad movie and cos play! Not having to do a TR interview is pretty damn nice as well!

Ironic don't ya think?

Linked wrote: ↑Thu Dec 13, 2018 3:19 pmHow about "Those mirrors really creep me out."

Oh yeah! That's definitely one I need to add to the "list". (The entire temple is creepy, so it should definitely be OK to joke about the mirrors.)

It might be a really good "break the ice" intro to dropping one of the other, more serious replies.

So far I'm thinking something like: "I've had to step away from mormonism." I can add "for my own mental health" or some other qualifier if needed, and get even more "real" after that if they keep digging. (Before I cut them off and tell them to ask me later, of course.)



If someone is crazy enough to try to say something along the lines of how I "took the easy way out" then something like this will get dropped:

Reuben wrote: ↑Tue Dec 11, 2018 4:41 pm"I chose truth over loyalty. It was a terrible choice to have to make."

I'm thinking something like: "I had to choose being honest with myself (or the truth) over seeing my child get married. Do you really think that was EASY?" There might also be expletives tossed into that reply if I have to use it. It will be brutal, but that sort of thinking needs some honest, brutal truth tossed at it.

wtfluff wrote: ↑Wed Dec 12, 2018 4:02 pmThey're doing exactly what their extremely high demand religion told them to do.

Ah, the Nuremberg defense.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Tue Dec 11, 2018 2:44 pm Well, I'm not surprised the underlying theme of honesty trumps my diarrhea suggestion.

Can't you be honest about your diarrhea? I've found most people aren't.

"Ever since I was injured by that circus freak/carnie, I can't raise my arms above my head. So I probably should't go..."

wtfluff wrote: ↑Thu Dec 13, 2018 12:26 pm

Raylan Givens wrote: ↑Wed Dec 12, 2018 10:35 pm Show up with a coffee cup and point to it.

DW and I just usually have plans during temple stuff (we luckily have had legitimate excuses). Sorry, we are in charge of X,Y,Z, we love you and hope you have a wonderful experience. See you at the reception.

So... If one of your kids got married in the temple, you'd just skip the after-ceremony photos, etc. and just show up at the reception?

Kids, whew that's a tough one...

I owe my FIL an apology and a big hug. His smile was the biggest at our wedding photos. We are all pulling for you.