NOM

Linked wrote: ↑Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:06 pm I'm like a blade of Fine Fescue in a lawn of Kentucky Bluegrass. I'm part of the lawn, but I'm not the same breed.

So, am I Mormon?

Not sure about the Mormon part, but becoming completely inactive might mean a change to dormant Bermuda Grass. Heck, you could always go to Mormon Discussions and become a thistle.

achilles wrote: ↑Wed Feb 21, 2018 11:01 am Linked, I don't know a whole lot about your situation. It strikes me as odd that they would send their child to ask you, unless the question was hers in the first place. (send the child is weird boundaries/passive aggressive stuff, if so). I think the family situation (where they might be blaming you) is tough.

Yes, it struck me as odd that the child would be sent to ask you. If it truly was her question and the parents told her to be assertive and talk to the person, great. But I highly doubt that's the case. It sounds more like a passive way for the parents to torment you with their accusations. I empathize. This sounds exactly what my in-laws would do if they knew. I already wonder if they blame me for giving my husband ideas.

I don't know that there is anything you can do to assure anyone of anything. It hurts less to blame you than to admit the nephew can make his own decisions.

The few times someone completely out of my church circle has asked if I am mormon I said I was a non-believing member. But like redjay, I figure I'll always be mormon one way or another. It's a deep part of me I can't really get rid of.

Thank you for all your thoughtful comments! This question is one I never really thought about before disaffection, mostly ignoring the existence of non-TBM mormons. Our varied views and experiences really highlight how deep this question really is.

MerrieMiss wrote: ↑Thu Feb 22, 2018 11:54 am

achilles wrote: ↑Wed Feb 21, 2018 11:01 am Linked, I don't know a whole lot about your situation. It strikes me as odd that they would send their child to ask you, unless the question was hers in the first place. (send the child is weird boundaries/passive aggressive stuff, if so). I think the family situation (where they might be blaming you) is tough.

Yes, it struck me as odd that the child would be sent to ask you. If it truly was her question and the parents told her to be assertive and talk to the person, great. But I highly doubt that's the case. It sounds more like a passive way for the parents to torment you with their accusations.

It wasn't too disingenuous, I didn't paint the whole picture. This was my niece's question and her mom was encouraging her to be assertive. I was standing in the kitchen a few feet from where my niece was talking to my SIL, her mom. The niece whispered something to my SIL and SIL said why don't you ask him and beckoned for me. I walked over and asked what she wanted to ask me. The niece's eyes got big and she shook her head. SIL said "she wants to know if you hmph..." before she could finish my niece had slapped her hand over SIL's mouth to stop her from asking. I smiled and laughed a little and coaxed my niece that it was okay, she could ask me. Then my niece asked me 3 or 4 times because she was embarrassed and said it really quietly.

græy wrote: ↑Tue Feb 20, 2018 11:58 am

Linked wrote: ↑Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:06 pm I'm like a blade of Fine Fescue in a lawn of Kentucky Bluegrass. I'm part of the lawn, but I'm not the same breed. My roots are heavily intertwined with the rest of the lawn, and leaving would be tricky. I am definitely not Kentucky Bluegrass though.

But that isn't really a good analogy because I'm not grass and the question isn't about a lawn...

I feel like I really relate to this analogy. It highlights the way the question "Are you Mormon?" changes meaning dramatically depending on who is asking the question. They might just want to know if you're some shade of green and anywhere in the vicinity of the rest of the lawn. Or, they might be wondering if they need to get the weed killer. They're either asking for general interest and the answer has no real consequences, or they're questioning whether or not they should file for divorce.

I go through the actions, but I don't really believe any of the truth claims or miracle stories. Most of the doctrines I once cherished just seem ridiculous. I feel like I'm in the church but not of the church, but my actions show that I am fully in and of.

No one asks the question because no one doubts. Which is good, I still don't know the answer.

I'm glad you liked the analogy, I spent a lot of time refining it trying to come up with a good answer for my niece after the fact. Good point on the perspective of the asker, that makes a big difference.

achilles wrote: ↑Wed Feb 21, 2018 11:01 am So I did some allergy blood testing two weeks ago and found out that I am allergic to Kentucky Bluegrass...

Hahaha, that's hilarious with this analogy, but sorry to hear you are allergic to Kentucky Bluegrass.

Linked wrote: ↑Thu Feb 22, 2018 5:13 pm

achilles wrote: ↑Wed Feb 21, 2018 11:01 am So I did some allergy blood testing two weeks ago and found out that I am allergic to Kentucky Bluegrass...

Hahaha, that's hilarious with this analogy, but sorry to hear you are allergic to Kentucky Bluegrass.

Reading just this part of the exchange gave me an idea. I think my answer to "Are you Mormon?" might now be, "Yes, but I found out I'm allergic to it."

On my mission, i was often told by victims, er investigators, that they were "born Catholic and would die Catholic". I'd smartly reply "and then what?" Because i thought i knew everything.
Converts, even long time ones, would mention non latter day saints, wear crucifixes, and say clearly Catholic phrases such as Nossa senhonra, driving some multi generation, Utah breed elders nuts.
What ive realized now is, just like them, i was born Mormon and Ill die Mormon. Doesn't mean i believe it, but its how i look at the world. 8 is a special birthday in our world, and will be in or out od the church. Bad stuff happens and it will be viewed through Mormon lenses of "the pride cycle". Even if we self correct, it will happen. Our sense of humor, our language, our self view..its all shaped who we are and it was all shaped by LDS INC. Our childhoods, our adolsences, our marriages, and our adult lifes ARE Mormon, and apart of us for better or worse. So ya, Im Mormon-for better or worse.