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Re: Crazy Town
Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2017 1:20 pm
by Enough
SeeNoEvil wrote: ↑Fri Aug 04, 2017 11:02 am
Enough I am just reading this! Sorry a bit late to the party but, my oh my! Crazy is not the word! Sounds like a bit of intervention is needed here and maybe another "come to Jesus" meeting. Since they seem bent on all things church I would definitely lay down some ground rules and most definitely remind them just what age appropriate activities might look like. Coloring? Yep.... time to sit the mom and dad down again!
PS. Sounds like you need a forest to hide in!
Thanks, SeeNoEvil! You got the edited version of the story (it was more of a rant when I originally wrote it, but I don't much like my Rantish self-- so I edited things a bit after I returned to my happy place -- after my family left).
Yes, Yes I do need a forest to hide in! Fortunately I have a fantastic Meditation Retreat (aka Continuing Education Conference) planned for Scott's Valley this month. I love California...There are MANY places (including forests & beaches) I can't wait to visit!
As for me trying to revisit my boundaries or reciprocate the "Intervention" that my parents tried to pull off, in my behalf, in 2013 or so-- I am pretty torn. Sometimes I think I should sit down with them and review my requests for understanding, empathy, dignity, love....or at least basic respect & courtesy-- space for me to make my own grown-up choices (including choices regarding the teaching of my children...). BUT, most of the time, I think that ONE explicit conversation (been there, done that) about my boundaries, needs, expectations, etc. should be enough. If they didn't "get it" (or care) the first time, I'm not sure that 100 more sit-downs would make a dent in their plans to save me & my family.
But, if my parents EVER insist that my 21-year-old (starting Law School this month!) color for their projects again, I may very well re-evaluate that position.
Re: Crazy Town
Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2017 2:35 pm
by SeeNoEvil
Enough wrote: ↑Fri Aug 04, 2017 1:20 pm
SeeNoEvil wrote: ↑Fri Aug 04, 2017 11:02 am
Enough I am just reading this! Sorry a bit late to the party but, my oh my! Crazy is not the word! Sounds like a bit of intervention is needed here and maybe another "come to Jesus" meeting. Since they seem bent on all things church I would definitely lay down some ground rules and most definitely remind them just what age appropriate activities might look like. Coloring? Yep.... time to sit the mom and dad down again!
PS. Sounds like you need a forest to hide in!
Thanks, SeeNoEvil! You got the edited version of the story (it was more of a rant when I originally wrote it, but I don't much like my Rantish self-- so I edited things a bit after I returned to my happy place -- after my family left).
Yes, Yes I do need a forest to hide in! Fortunately I have a fantastic Meditation Retreat (aka Continuing Education Conference) planned for Scott's Valley this month. I love California...There are MANY places (including forests & beaches) I can't wait to visit!
As for me trying to revisit my boundaries or reciprocate the "Intervention" that my parents tried to pull off, in my behalf, in 2013 or so-- I am pretty torn. Sometimes I think I should sit down with them and review my requests for understanding, empathy, dignity, love....or at least basic respect & courtesy-- space for me to make my own grown-up choices (including choices regarding the teaching of my children...). BUT, most of the time, I think that ONE explicit conversation (been there, done that) about my boundaries, needs, expectations, etc. should be enough. If they didn't "get it" (or care) the first time, I'm not sure that 100 more sit-downs would make a dent in their plans to save me & my family.
But, if my parents EVER insist that my 21-year-old (starting Law School this month!) color for their projects again, I may very well re-evaluate that position.
You do make a valid point about not getting it the first time. You have more patience than I would had I'd been in such a situation. Must be all that "meditation" you are doing! And you're going to Scott's Valley... as in California? I am soooo jealous. What a gorgeous place! I used to live in Morgan Hill which isn't to far from there. We are a bit a ways from there now so another day you will have to visit my oasis! Enjoy the peace.
Re: Crazy Town
Posted: Sat Aug 05, 2017 10:20 pm
by dispirited
That's crazy, at least they live 6 hours away! My in laws live within walking distance, and we have a once a month Sunday dinner at their house. 3 of their 5 children have left the church, we are closet non-believers, and one is TBM. My Mother in law has a full on spiritual thought that is more like a lesson every time after dinner. The kids that have left get up and leave, saying they don't want to hear her crap, but she just smiles and says she hopes they will stay and listen next month. This has been going on for years. I now get up and leave with them, my wife stays because she feels bad everyone else is leaving. It's weird. The rare occasion she doesn't have her "lesson" after dinner, everyone stays and we play games and has fun. You would think she would get the hint...
Re: Crazy Town
Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2017 2:59 am
by moksha
I guess we have to accept our relatives "as is". If the parents drive all the way from Grover's Mill dressed as Time Lords to attend Comicon 2017, don't be surprised if they speak of the TARDIS. It is what they know and love, plus they are your kin. Remember, no one would complain if they brought along Rose Tyler dressed as an English school girl for special Time Lord initiations and ceremonies. You would most likely be enthralled if Rose taught you some hand gestures and Monsonian cuddles.
Nothing crazy about that.
Re: Crazy Town
Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2017 12:14 pm
by Enough
moksha wrote: ↑Sun Aug 06, 2017 2:59 am
I guess we have to accept our relatives "as is"....Nothing crazy about that.
Do we really "have to"?
I disagree. There is a certain amount of acceptance and tolerance that we should give, trying to be patient and accepting in the process. BUT...I disagree that we "have to accept our relatives 'as is'... when they are acting in damaging ways.
Sure, I can "accept" them "as is"... if I'd like to live with continued judgment and "conditional" love. But, personally, I believe it is healthy to draw a line --(and I'm working on doing so-- albeit with difficulty, because this is the only family I Have! ) ... but, NO...I won't take the criticism and disparaging comments, beliefs, indoctrination any more. Not for me...not for my kids. No. I'm not accepting this.
I have a responsibility to treat others (including my TBM family) with love, respect, compassion, and kindness. But, they have the same responsibility -- and it's not my problem if they just can't or won't do it. I will walk away...and in many respects, I already have. That is sad...it's not what I want.
I do not understand how family members can choose dogma over family. To me...this is crazy.
Re: Crazy Town
Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2017 4:34 pm
by achilles
So, essentially, they are spending their lives, their only time with their grandchildren, not living, but doing work for the dead. OK.
I know it's not my fight. But I don't know if I could do it.
I really wonder if Mormonism provides such a detailed to-do-list for life that you never have to really make decisions for yourself, find your own friends, or decide what life is going to be about. It's too bad you can't insist that they have time with their grandparents actually living life--you know, going to the park, seeing a show, cooking dinner together, playing board games, going to the mountains, etc.
When I was in college, I was in the marching band. Whenever we traveled to another city, my friends and I always spent time going to a local temple in our spare time. We should have just live life! Surely there are better things to do in San Diego, Phoenix, Las Vegas!, than spending all of spare time and spare change going to the temple. The other folks in the band must've though we were insane.
I wish I could have my early twenties back.
Re: Crazy Town
Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2017 11:30 am
by SeeNoEvil
Enough wrote: ↑Mon Aug 07, 2017 12:14 pm
moksha wrote: ↑Sun Aug 06, 2017 2:59 am
I guess we have to accept our relatives "as is"....Nothing crazy about that.
Do we really "have to"?
I disagree. There is a certain amount of acceptance and tolerance that we should give, trying to be patient and accepting in the process. BUT...I disagree that we "have to accept our relatives 'as is'... when they are acting in damaging ways.
Sure, I can "accept" them "as is"... if I'd like to live with continued judgment and "conditional" love. But, personally, I believe it is healthy to draw a line --(and I'm working on doing so-- albeit with difficulty, because this is the only family I Have! ) ... but, NO...I won't take the criticism and disparaging comments, beliefs, indoctrination any more. Not for me...not for my kids. No. I'm not accepting this.
I have a responsibility to treat others (including my TBM family) with love, respect, compassion, and kindness. But, they have the same responsibility -- and it's not my problem if they just can't or won't do it. I will walk away...and in many respects, I already have. That is sad...it's not what I want.
I have to agree with you here in that we don't have to accept our relatives as is. It is hard to come to this point but kudos to you for standing up to protect yourself and your family. It has taken me an entire lifetime of trying to get along with some of my family and I have come to the conclusion there are just some people that are so toxic I have had to walk away. Recently I took a good look at my family. I do love them, but if I had to choose these people as family/friends I wouldn't. I did not choose these people and just because they are "family" doesn't mean I am forced to be their best friend and put up with their toxicity. I choose to be respectful, kind, etc. but I do not choose to have my life negatively affected by their toxic behavior in any way. I have distanced myself from them now and put into place the boundaries necessary for my mental and physical well being.
I do not understand how family members can choose dogma over family. To me...this is crazy.
You could be dealing with a narcissist .... just a guess.
Re: Crazy Town
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 1:02 pm
by Jinx
I will not let this happen with my future grandchildren. I want to be a normal part of their lives and I want to be interested in what they're interested in. You stay young that way.
Re: Crazy Town
Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 2:55 pm
by NOMelgänger
I totally get this. One of the reasons it's so hard to come out to TBM family is that you cease to become a person, you become a project. your kids more so. It's dehumanizing. So sorry you have to deal with that.
