NOM

blazerb wrote: ↑Mon May 15, 2017 10:24 am We were living in an apartment at the time on the bottom floor of a 2 story building. It was an older building, and my wife was constantly complaining about the noise made by our upstairs neighbors walking. My wife had become reasonably friendly with the owner by reporting a woman for living with her boyfriend. One day, my wife called the owner to complain about the noise from the upstairs neighbor. Apparently the owner called the upstairs neighbor to try to mediate. When I got home, the neighbor came out to let me know what he thought about the situation. It was pretty aggressive. I quickly ended the conversation to try to figure out what had happened. My wife informed me.

I should have let it drop, but I felt it was necessary to explain my wife’s position to the neighbor. Luckily for me, before I could go back I spoke with a friend. He gave some good advice about limits on defending certain requests. When I went back to the neighbor, he was not any happier, and there really isn’t a way to ask someone not to walk around in their apartment. I thanked the neighbor for some help he had given us previously. Our relationship was strained the rest of the time we lived there, but the worst was defused. If I had not talked with my friend, the situation could have been much worse.

Thank you for sharing. That's rough and you're right. It could have turned really nasty. I'm glad you had a cool head too consult. I'm glad you had your wife's back, but sometimes it can backfire. I want to think about yours and testimony lost's posts. It's late. I need to sleep.

However, this. This way that marriages so often get is really why, when I contemplate marrying again, I say, "No, thank you".

We have an amazing relationship. I can honestly say we seldom have what one might call a "fight", and after 35 years I can honestly count on one hand those times. We do everything as a couple, we have three things we hold dear: memories, forgiveness of mistakes, and always promising to never give up on each other.

As an example, she was a SRSP when I gave her the CES letter to read. We did not discuss it for two weeks, finally she came into my office and said, "My marriage means more to me than a religion, and this document makes me realize just how important we are to each other." I told her at that time I was stepping away, and we resigned our callings a few weeks later.

As I read some of the posts relating the marriage issues resulting in individual beliefs as to the church, it makes me realize how fortunate we are to have each other.

Grace2Daisy wrote: ↑Thu May 18, 2017 10:56 am We have an amazing relationship. I can honestly say we seldom have what one might call a "fight", and after 35 years I can honestly count on one hand those times. We do everything as a couple, we have three things we hold dear: memories, forgiveness of mistakes, and always promising to never give up on each other.

As an example, she was a SRSP when I gave her the CES letter to read. We did not discuss it for two weeks, finally she came into my office and said, "My marriage means more to me than a religion, and this document makes me realize just how important we are to each other." I told her at that time I was stepping away, and we resigned our callings a few weeks later.

As I read some of the posts relating the marriage issues resulting in individual beliefs as to the church, it makes me realize how fortunate we are to have each other.

I might write about this elsewhere, but I've recently reconnected with my cousin, because his father died. I didn't really have first-hand knowledge of their marriages, but in those little unguarded moments I did witness, their marriages seemed beautiful. Not just good. Beautiful. Neither my cousin, nor my Uncle is/was LDS.

Give It Time wrote: ↑Wed May 17, 2017 10:54 pm Thank you for sharing. That's rough and you're right. It could have turned really nasty. I'm glad you had a cool head too consult. I'm glad you had your wife's back, but sometimes it can backfire. I want to think about yours and testimony lost's posts. It's late. I need to sleep.

However, this. This way that marriages so often get is really why, when I contemplate marrying again, I say, "No, thank you".

Thank you for the kind words. I can understand the hesitation to marry. Sleep well.

Give It Time wrote: ↑Thu May 18, 2017 3:37 pm

Grace2Daisy wrote: ↑Thu May 18, 2017 10:56 am We have an amazing relationship. I can honestly say we seldom have what one might call a "fight", and after 35 years I can honestly count on one hand those times. We do everything as a couple, we have three things we hold dear: memories, forgiveness of mistakes, and always promising to never give up on each other.

As an example, she was a SRSP when I gave her the CES letter to read. We did not discuss it for two weeks, finally she came into my office and said, "My marriage means more to me than a religion, and this document makes me realize just how important we are to each other." I told her at that time I was stepping away, and we resigned our callings a few weeks later.

As I read some of the posts relating the marriage issues resulting in individual beliefs as to the church, it makes me realize how fortunate we are to have each other.

I might write about this elsewhere, but I've recently reconnected with my cousin, because his father died. I didn't really have first-hand knowledge of their marriages, but in those little unguarded moments I did witness, their marriages seemed beautiful. Not just good. Beautiful. Neither my cousin, nor my Uncle is/was LDS.

My wife was not LDS when we met, nor are any of her family members (she was the only one to join), and yet they are all models of wonderful family relationships.

First of all, guys, I have to apologise. This thread was because my therapist called me on one of my experiences and it was my reaction to the whole, my wife made me do it thing. I'm trying to figure out the whole thing, so I can understand, so I can do better. Second part of the apology, I don't know about you, but after I posted, I thought it was a rude question to ask, but it was out there and I'm working with that. So, thank you for bearing with.

Testimony, my further thoughts is it's rough when it's something like the minor things you mentioned. My husband-at-the-time didn't forbid, but he sure gave me a hard time about my Diet Coke habit. So I took my soda habit underground and binge-watched R-rated movies when he was at fathers and sons. What your wife has done is not healthy. However, it's part of her belief system.

Blazer, all I can say was your situation was toxic. It sounds like you've bootstrapped yourself, though. That's good.

A possible middle ground is something along the lines is, "my wife doesn't like" or "my wife would prefer". I have used the reverse on this one and I've heard men use this. The good: it's both the truth in stating it's not your preference and you're owning through implication that you're doing what your spouse wants for the good of the relationship. The bad: this doesn't work as well as I think it should. Many people see this as an opportunity to try harder to convince the person to go against the spouse's wishes, but I think, especially in the Mormon community, a statement that you're putting your marriage first should end all discussion, but that's me.