NOM

Good news for preppers on Earth 1: The Yellowstone caldera is not due to erupt for another 90,000 years. That will give us time to build many new LDS temples.

Oh yeah, the good news... while it will wipe out life in North America, that does not mean the extinction of the human race. Let's hope they build a Tasmanian temple and a millennial bunker for the Brethren underground in Samoa.

Imwashingmypirate wrote: ↑Sat May 18, 2024 12:13 am Was it not Emma smith that had a part in the word of wisdom commandments?

Maybe she was sick of washing all the tea cups.

Emma and the girls grew tired of all the missed tobacco spittle (those spittoons were not huge), and the whiskey and beer bottles that surrounded the cracker barrel after a hard night of testifying during the School of the Prophets at the Newel Whitney store. They pleaded with Joseph to do something about it, and so he came up with his list of health suggestions.

Later in 1851, Brigham Young told the assembly of Mormons at the General Conference that they better follow the Word of Wisdom and go easy on the Valley Tan whiskey that he sold.

By 1870, Young ended the practice of chewing and spitting tobacco in the Salt Lake Tabernacle.

In 1921, LDS Church president Heber J. Grant finally made adherence to the Word of Wisdom a prerequisite for temple admission.

Isn't Joseph preserving us from the wrath of a vengeful Anubis who wants his snout back?!!!

The LDS Church has appointed this new lawyer, Corporate Dog from
Kirton McConkie, to preserve them from Anubis.

Salt Lake Temple Executive Bathroom

Do Malaysians come from Early-day Mormons?

Yes, it is thought they sailed from the Mississippi River in Missouri (near the sacred St. Louis) to the Gulf of Mexico and then onto the Yangtze River in China. From there the Early-day Mormons gradually made their way down to Thailand and the Malaysian Peninsula. Eventually, they boated to the Indonesian Islands and the Philippines using crafts of curious workmanship.

We should be proud of the ingenious travels of the Early-day Mormons. Honest.

The LDS church took advantage of the Days of 47 Parade to announce the newest member of the Godhead. Mentioned briefly in the Old Testament as The Destroyer, this eternal being was promoted into the top tier of celestial entities as a sign of the times to remind kids of the coming apocalyptic consequences of multiple piercings, green tea sipping, lackluster tithing payment, and ill speaking of the Lord's anointed.

That part of the population listed in the census as LDS seems most mysterious. Claiming to be of "Kolobian" descent (in a galaxy far far away), they came to earth only 6,000 years ago, long after the ascent of modern humans. These mysterious people first beamed into an area near Independence Missouri at a transport site they named, "Adam-ondi-Ahman".

moksha wrote: ↑Thu Oct 17, 2024 10:38 pm That part of the population listed in the census as LDS seems most mysterious. Claiming to be of "Kolobian" descent (in a galaxy far far away), they came to earth only 6,000 years ago, long after the ascent of modern humans. These mysterious people first beamed into an area near Independence Missouri at a transport site they named, "Adam-ondi-Ahman".

The newly arrived astronaut colonists, named Adam and Eve, had to build a wall around their garden home to keep out all of the curious Native American looky-loos.

Hagoth wrote: ↑Sat Oct 19, 2024 10:06 am The newly arrived astronaut colonists, named Adam and Eve, had to build a wall around their garden home to keep out all of the curious Native American looky-loos.

Was that after they showed them how to make green loincloths?

Update on the Moon Quakers

History Bird wrote: ↑Mon Nov 11, 2024 6:23 pm Makes you wonder why the Church abandoned the sealing power of a tumble on a haystack. Think of all the sealings the Church could have claimed in the backseat of the old Chevy.

Imagine a roll in the hay with Fanny Alger being the first recorded Celestial marriage!!! Still, it sounds more dignified and Mormon-like than Joseph just canoodling with one of the serving girls at his house. This could make an interesting display for the Church Museum on the evolution of Temple marriage. A recreation of Joseph on top of Fanny performing the First Sealing would spur museum attendance.

moksha wrote: ↑Mon Nov 18, 2024 7:53 pm A recreation of Joseph on top of Fanny performing the First Sealing would spur museum attendance.

Animatronics?

moksha wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2025 9:04 pm [Bednar/Soaking meme]

Wikipedia has a very informative article about soaking, including illustrations:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soaking_(sexual_practice)

There is also a historical precedent, regarding Apostle Albert Carrington:

In 1885, one of the LDS Church's top leaders, 73-year-old apostle Albert Carrington, argued during the hearings before his excommunication that his decade of extramarital sexual relationships with multiple younger women did not count as adultery (a violation of the church's law of chastity) and was just a "little folly" because he would only partially penetrate the vagina with just the tip of his penis and part of the shaft (reportedly to less than the total "depth of four inches"), and pulled out before ejaculation.