LDS Guesstimates

[moksha]

Sometimes we all have questions in the LDS Church, such as:

How many wives does God have?


Does anyone like to make an LDS Guesstimate and perhaps ask their own questions?

[wtfluff]

Sometimes we all have questions in the LDS Church, such as:

How many wives does God have?


Does anyone like to make an LDS Guesstimate and perhaps ask their own questions?

LDS Guesstimate: We don't like to think about that or talk about that.

[2bizE]

I’ve heard a number of funny apologetics in this over the years. One was that there are different races of people because they came from different heavenly mothers. White folks came from one mother, Hispanics from another, Japanese from another, middle eastern from another….whatever allows them to make it work out in their heads

[Ghost]

How many planets will it take to provide all the matter needed to resurrect everyone who lived on Earth? How about the animals? Insects? Bacteria?

[alas]

How many wives does God have. Just one. She is monogamous.

[moksha]

Would you be okay if your daughter joined a group that publically stated it did not practice polygamy when it actually did? What if she was trafficked from Western Europe to Western America?

[Hagoth]

I’ve heard a number of funny apologetics in this over the years. One was that there are different races of people because they came from different heavenly mothers. White folks came from one mother, Hispanics from another, Japanese from another, middle eastern from another….whatever allows them to make it work out in their heads

I was taught this in Sunday School. It kind of seems exactly like what Solomon is condemned for; collecting women because they were different and interesting.

I was also taught that the reason the continents have shapes that seem to fit together is because they were pushed apart by the flood. Also that dinosaur bones are leftover crumbs from other planets. Also that there's photographic proof that the sun is a gigantic oven made of bricks that were hand laid by Jehovah. Also that Down Syndrome kids were the most valiant generals in the war in heaven, so they get a pass at having to figure out hard stuff on earth. Also that garments stop bullets. Also that Joseph Smith was a devoted wife of one woman. Also that I'm surrounded at all times by a cloud of evil spirits whispering in my ears trying to make me think naughty things. Also that I should figure out a way to shake hands with them as needed. Also that Homo Erectus, Habilis, etc. were just people with bone diseases...

Geez, I could go on all day.

[Hagoth]

How many planets will it take to provide all the matter needed to resurrect everyone who lived on Earth? How about the animals? Insects? Bacteria?

And the space to house them on the paradisiacal earth. I was taught that every blade of grass has a spirit and will be resurrected. Look at a field of grass and try to imagine how the generations of grass will stack up there. Or trees in a forest. Can you imagine just the beetle population alone if they all get resurrected at the same time? Or are some beetles worthy to rise in the First Resurrection, while the less faithful and God-fearing beetles have to wait until the end of the millennium?

[nibbler]

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Am I getting the spirit of this thread right?

[moksha]

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

One super righteous Elder to preside, one wife to change the bulb, and thirty-eight sister-wives to be barefoot and in the kitchen.

[deacon blues]

I’ve heard a number of funny apologetics in this over the years. One was that there are different races of people because they came from different heavenly mothers. White folks came from one mother, Hispanics from another, Japanese from another, middle eastern from another….whatever allows them to make it work out in their heads

I remember hearing this in my youth as well. Can't remember who said it, but it was in the LDS culture back then. Aren't we odd?

[deacon blues]

How many planets will it take to provide all the matter needed to resurrect everyone who lived on Earth? How about the animals? Insects? Bacteria?

And the space to house them on the paradisiacal earth. I was taught that every blade of grass has a spirit and will be resurrected. Look at a field of grass and try to imagine how the generations of grass will stack up there. Or trees in a forest. Can you imagine just the beetle population alone if they all get resurrected at the same time? Or are some beetles worthy to rise in the First Resurrection, while the less faithful and God-fearing beetles have to wait until the end of the millennium?

I remember hearing this when I was young too. But, unlike you Hagoth, no one would take it to its obvious, faith-based conclusion.

[nibbler]

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

One super righteous Elder to preside, one wife to change the bulb, and thirty-eight sister-wives to be barefoot and in the kitchen.

I was thinking along the lines of 17 million. One to change the lightbulb, and 16,999,999 to claim that the bulb was never changed.

[Cnsl1]

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

One super righteous Elder to preside, one wife to change the bulb, and thirty-eight sister-wives to be barefoot and in the kitchen.

I was thinking along the lines of 17 million. One to change the lightbulb, and 16,999,999 to claim that the bulb was never changed.

I thought it would take 2, but the light bulb would really need to want to change, and give 10% of its daily wattage, wear a special filament, and agree to no longer drink fluorescents.

[moksha]

Can' the rift between LDS Authorities and salamanders ever be repaired?

[alas]

One super righteous Elder to preside, one wife to change the bulb, and thirty-eight sister-wives to be barefoot and in the kitchen.

I was thinking along the lines of 17 million. One to change the lightbulb, and 16,999,999 to claim that the bulb was never changed.

I thought it would take 2, but the light bulb would really need to want to change, and give 10% of its daily wattage, wear a special filament, and agree to no longer drink fluorescents.

You left out submerging the lightbulb in water by the power of electricity with one of the people changing it holds. Zzzzzzaaaaaappppp.

[MoPag]

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

One super righteous Elder to preside, one wife to change the bulb, and thirty-eight sister-wives to be barefoot and in the kitchen.

I was thinking along the lines of 17 million. One to change the lightbulb, and 16,999,999 to claim that the bulb was never changed.

Who needs light bulbs when they are the world's best gas-lighters? The light bulb doesn't need to be changed, and if it does, then it is because you didn't have enough faith.

[moksha]

Winner! No lightbulbs because it is all Gaslighting!!!

[2bizE]

Guess how many species of animals Noah loaded on the Ark?