POST CONFERENCE UPDATE on the Stealths

[stealthbishop]

So, my wife was very "tempted" to listen/watch GC. She did give in to listening to the Saturday Morning session. She does continue to struggle with stepping away. Her worry lately is that she wonders if her "heart is hardened" against the church/God/JC. She still very much wants to preserve a relationship with HF and JC. The church and it's rituals and communal worship and the socialization were really important to her and it's a loss she is grieving. I know it will take time.

OTOH, the several toxic messages of this GC also confirmed to her that she made the right choice in stepping away. I did take her out on Sunday for a nature walk under the 'blue dome cathedral". I think it helped because she does enjoy nature. And we read and discussed summaries of the talks after the fact but I was firm in that I wasn't going to waste my time in listening to them in real time. She said it was more important for her to be with me which was nice. Saturday Morning I was busy so it was a non-issue.

I wonder how long she will struggle for. It's been about a year now. It might take a long time for her.

There's not great substitutes for church. I'm not a huge fan of traditional Christianity. Especially the American/Conservative/Evangelical variety. I can definitely tolerate ones that are more in line with my values. Women's equality and LGBTQ+ affirming are non-negotiable for me. I'm open to attending something else now and then for her. But I like my Sundays free. I'll keep you all updated. It's a crazy journey. And I hope it's not too triggering for many of you on here. I know I got lucky. Maybe the jackpot even. I'm sensitive to that. Very sensitive to it.

[Red Ryder]

Triggering? Hell no! We need to read stories of hope!

Stealth, I’m super happy you are sharing this part of your wife’s journey out with us. Its uncharted territory for most of us. It’s paving the way for me to be an understanding husband as Syster Ryder might be on the cusp of the rabbit hole looking down at the entrance. It’s scary for her. It’s emotional. It’s raw.

Watching your spouse go through this has to be difficult but she’s lucky she has you in her arms to catch her when she feels faint.

It’s a matter of time before the indoctrination totally fades. Fill it with togetherness, fun, and ice cream!

[Wonderment]

I think you're doing a wonderful job of supporting your wife through her transition ! You're showing lots of empathy and understanding, which is so important.
It is sometimes said here that the good values found in the church are not exclusive to the church. They can be found in many other spiritual gatherings and religious groups, where attendance can be as casual as you wish. I agree w/ you that the Conservative Evangelical Christianity w/ its exclusion of the LGBT community and its limitations on women's roles is not such a good substitute. But there are many other groups that are welcoming and inclusive.

It's great to have Sundays free for walks and exercise under the "blue dome cathedral." . Thanks for the update, and please keep us posted. -- Wndr.

[jfro18]

It sounds like you're handling it as best as you can having gone through it before. I've often wondered if my wife started to actually open up to this info what it would be like because I know it wouldn't be easy or fun.

But all you can do is be there for her and be ready to talk when she is. Seems like some people are out in a day of research and some take years... and of course some never open up to it at all. Crazy how our minds all work!

[Tangent]

Totally agree with RR that we need to hear stories like yours!

We all like (or would have liked) to be treated gently and with understanding in our faith transitions, so glad you can provide that for your DW.

[moksha]

Especially the American/Conservative/Evangelical variety. I can definitely tolerate ones that are more in line with my values.

You might try mainstream to liberal Christian churches.

[hallew]

Even before my "faith crises" I stopped watching conference. I will never forget the last conference I watched. I was nursing my second child. Oaks was speaking and made light of a woman who was lamenting about what heaven would look like for her since she was the second wife sealed to her husband. The audience let out a guffaw. I really think that's when I started questioning what it means to be a woman in the LDS church.

Yep; GC opened my eyes and not in the way the church intended.

I know conference is a trigger for me and so I avoid it. I have come to the mindset that maybe some leaders in the church do have moments of inspiration; not as God's authorities, but just like any person can have a moment of inspiration. I have started a list of books (mostly non-LDS Christian based) I want to read. I'm expanding on finding what speaks to my soul and brings me peace.

[Mormorrisey]

We're all with you, stealth. I suspect the community aspect is just one of many things that people struggle with upon leaving the church. It will be the least of my concerns, but I can certainly understand the reticence for your wife in cutting the cords. In fact, since I've been mentally gone, there are times I think, "wouldn't it just be easier for everybody if I just went back to the way things were?" And it would be. For everybody BUT me.

So you are doing the right thing, and I'm sure your wife appreciates your support. And you are correct, it takes some people a real long time to make the final break, and she's lucky to have you there while she's in the middle of doing that.

[moksha]

President Oaks reaffirming that the LDS Church remains firmly committed to its war against the rights and happiness of LGBTQ individuals made the national and international news. That sends a clear message to LGBTQ students at BYU and LGBTQ members of the Church that they will not be tolerated. So watch out for "musket firing Mormons".

[Red Ryder]

In fact, since I've been mentally gone, there are times I think, "wouldn't it just be easier for everybody if I just went back to the way things were?" And it would be. For everybody BUT me.

Glad to realize I’m not the only one who has had these thoughts. It drives me crazy because the people pleaser comes out and tries to push me aside. I’ve been able to recognize that behavior pattern and learned to set boundaries. Something Mormons are taught to avoid.

Thanks for posting this.

[moksha]

President Oaks reaffirming that the LDS Church remains firmly committed to its war against the rights and happiness of LGBTQ individuals made the national and international news. That sends a clear message to LGBTQ students at BYU and LGBTQ members of the Church that they will not be tolerated. So watch out for "musket firing Mormons".

In saying that the Church's position is irrevocable, perhaps that means they are unable to put down the cross
that they will die upon. Tough break.