I can't do this anymore

[Mackman]

Well once again I spoke at church mainly for my granddaughter preparing to go on a mission. I am not a good speaker, I stumble over my words can't get my thoughts out the way I want to, my face gets red at times , I'm done speaking !!! The ones who can speak well have all the power. I am the Moses of the branch !! I'm also retiring in Oct I can't continue working in a state prison beyond 62 due to my health , my wife will have to live with it !! She says I have to keep working , I will if she leaves the church Lol !! Comments :: I could use some support I'm really tired of it all. Thanks for listening . Mackman

[Red Ryder]

Sounds like your Exhaustipated. Too tired to give a crap!

Learning to say No to church people should be the number one skill people learn upon a faith transition.

I haven’t spoke in over 10 years. If asked I simply say “No thanks, it’s not my thing.”

As for retirement, congrats and good luck. Retirement can be a whole different life transition. Having to be home together or alone while the other spouse continues to work can be challenging. I’m sure you’ll find plenty to do.

[Linked]

Speaking in church can be really difficult even as a TBM, but after a faith transition it adds a bunch more stress. That was nice of you to support your granddaughter, and I'm sure there are other ways you can and do support her. Hang in there Mackman!

[moksha]

I haven't spoken at Church since I was a young teen. They always wanted a youth speaker back then and I got drafted most of the time because I was too much of a pleaser. No one has ever asked since I rejoined the Church, which suits me fine. I can just imagine speaking on a subject and saying something to which ultra-orthodox Mormons might disagree thereby betraying my connection with the arts, sciences, and philosophies of Mankind.

[jfro18]

I actually love speaking in public, but I totally get the flipside of just hating it especially when it's about something you're not thrilled with.

I'm a huge fan of the band Pearl Jam and in their documentary they have a section about the "power of no," which is to say that you have to learn to say no and be OK doing so if you want to survive sometimes. It took me a long time to get to that point with church (and well before the Pearl Jam documentary haha) but once I was able to finally say 'no' it was easier even if there was fallout.

But that's easier said than done and you have to figure out which battles are worth saying 'no' to and which ones are not... and that really is the balance that seems to never get easier.

[hallew]

I feel for you Mackman. Sometimes life sucks; especially, when it’s related to church.

Setting boundaries is hard. I’m getting better at this.

However, if for whatever reason you can’t say no to speaking next time you are asked, then request for a talk from GC and just read it. Maybe you won’t be asked to speak again or will become the back-up on the fly speaker who only reads conference talks.

[1smartdodog]

The best way i found to not get the call is just become semi inactive. Or totally. It gets you the stigma of an apostate. Who wants an apostate speaking.


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[stealthbishop]

Hey Mackman,

Thanks for checking in. Yes, the speaking issue in the LDS tradition is kind of unique in religious traditions. And yes, some people are better at it than others and that's okay. We all bring strengths to the table and you have yours and it is important to celebrate and amplify those strengths that you have! You're also going through some serious transitions in terms of faith and work it sounds like. That is huge in and of itself and should not be underestimated in terms of the emotional and mental (and even physical) toll it takes on a human being. Full support and solidarity with you Mackman. I hope your wife can gain some more understanding of what you're going through. In the mean time, I'm glad you're getting support on NOM. We're with you!! Hang in there!!!

[Mackman]

I appreciate the support, I plan on never speaking again ever !!! Yes I am going through a lot of changes right now that are very challenging to say the least. I love all my fellow Nomies !! Only you guys can possibly understand , thank you. P.s. doing better today.

[Just This Guy]

However, if for whatever reason you can’t say no to speaking next time you are asked, then request for a talk from GC and just read it. Maybe you won’t be asked to speak again or will become the back-up on the fly speaker who only reads conference talks.

Read the original GC talk given by Elder Ronald Poelman's in the November 1984 conference. OR a BY talk about how Adam-God is absolute doctrine and you cannot be saved if you do not believe it. End the talk by saying you next talk will be to read the 1948 statement from the FP on the state of black people in the church.

Just do the most controversial CG talks possible until they black list you.

[Wonderment]

Read the original GC talk given by Elder Ronald Poelman's in the November 1984 conference. OR a BY talk about how Adam-God is absolute doctrine and you cannot be saved if you do not believe it. End the talk by saying you next talk will be to read the 1948 statement from the FP on the state of black people in the church.

Just do the most controversial CG talks possible until they black list you.

That'll do the trick for sure ! No more speaking requests.
I think it's wonderful that you support your granddaughter, and I'm sure there are many other ways to show emotional support for her.

If you're asked to speak again, you could say something casual like, "Thanks for thinking of me, but I've been asked to speak in church for so many years, and I'd like that assignment to go to other people now."
I think the pressure of being asked to speak in church meeting, or the fear that we are going to be asked to speak and somehow are required to share a testimony, is one of many issues which drives people away.
I wish you the very best in retirement; and if you find you are bored around the house, there are a huge number of part-time jobs available right now, as so many people are hiring.
Thanks for your well-written message, as I find it very timely and relevant. -- Wndr.