Endowed?

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

I swear the very next time someone asks me if I'm endowed I'm going to just whip it out and show them.

-lost

[Mormorrisey]

I swear the very next time someone asks me if I'm endowed I'm going to just whip it out and show them.

-lost

Then this really would be Nude Order Mormon.

Question, though. Is this question asked with a hand on your back for a garment check? I've heard of this phenomenon, but I've never had it confirmed by anyone I would actually believe.

[Red Ryder]

Ha!

My son reluctantly invited his non member friend to the recent temple open house.

He died laughing when someone tried to explain the concept of the endowment.

Mormon terminology is for kokobian aliens.

I say whip it out next time for sure.

[2bizE]

Both my wife and I used to be well endowed, but now with age and not going to church because of Covid our endowment is less pronounced.

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

Ha!


Mormon terminology is for kokobian aliens.

This could be a whole separate thread.

Jesus
Christians-God incarnate
Mormons-Satan's big brother

Modesty
Christians-abstaining from being ostentatious. Not drawing attention to oneself or living beyond ones means.
Mormons-shoulders and belly buttons, especially female versions of these.

Elder
Christians-an individual with responsibility and oversight for a congregation, the husband of one wife
General population-a senior citizen
Mormons-an 18 year old boy

Seminary
Christians-a post graduate school for individuals committed to spend their lives in the service of their congregation, including classes in finances, counseling, therapy, comparative religion, and legal responsibilities
Mormons-a high school class

Sister
Christians- a catholic nun or equivalent
Mormons-anyone without a penis


Church
Christians- a) a specific place of worship; b)the body of believers in Christ regardless of denomination
Mormons- a) a specific place of worship; b)The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Jehovah
Christians-God
Mormons-Jesus

Sheesh!

-Lost

[Cnsl1]

Stake Center
Current Mormons: big building to gather in for large boring "church" services. Aka the church.
Old Mormons: the building where we had the fun stuff like dances and road shows.
Everyone Else: the middle of a ribeye.

Tithing
Current Mormons: 10% of your net.
Old Mormons: 10% of your gross if you wanted the most blessings.
Everyone Else: a charitable contribution to help a religious organization keep the lights on.

Ward
Current Mormons: your local congregation of about 40 people you have to pretend to like.
Old Mormons: your local congregation of about 200 people who share a building and friendships.
Everyone Else: a section of a hospital, or Beaver's dad.

Holy Ghost
Current Mormons: a deity who magically can be felt in multiple places but can only really be in one place at time.
Old Mormons: the third member of the godhead who doesn't have a body yet.
Everyone Else: when your kid makes his own Halloween costume using an old bed sheet.

Communion
Current Mormons: something that Catholics do.
Old Mormons: an evil practice by the church of the whore of all the earth.
Everyone Else: sharing bread and wine to commemorate Christ.

Interview
Current Mormons: the meeting with the bishop to get your golden ticket.
Old Mormons: when your bishop asks you about masturbation.
Everyone Else: the meeting to get a job.

[Red Ryder]

Ward
Current Mormons: your local congregation of about 40 people you have to pretend to like.
Old Mormons: your local congregation of about 200 people who share a building and friendships.
Everyone Else: a section of a hospital, or Beaver's dad.

Love it!

Let me try…

Underwear:
Current Mormons: new choice of materials and patterns revised for comfort and modesty; to be worn day, night, while doing yard work; reportable compliance interviews every 2 years. Any excuse to remove is understandable. Dr office visit, sex, sports, workout clothes, etc.

Old Mormons: wrist and ankle length polyester; butt flap; reportable compliance interview every year. May remove for sex, swimming, sports. Mainly swimming.

Really old Mormons: secretive plot to determine your participation in plural marriage; never to be removed unless in Carthage Jail because it’s too hot.

Everyone else: ewww Mormons! that’s weird! Choices, choices, choices. No compliance reporting; eeewww Mormons… that’s weird!!

[wtfluff]

Holy Ghost
Current Mormons: a deity who magically can be felt in multiple places but can only really be in one place at time.
Old Mormons: the third member of the godhead who doesn't have a body yet.
Everyone Else: when your kid makes his own Halloween costume using an old bed sheet.

Addendum to Holy the Ghost for any sort of current or old MORmON: Constant companion / protector, yet: Runs away and hides at the very first teeny-tiny-itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie sight of "trouble."

[Hagoth]

Addendum to Holy the Ghost for any sort of current or old MORmON: Constant companion / protector, yet: Runs away and hides at the very first teeny-tiny-itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie sight of "trouble."

Further addendum: the only phantasm that goes to bed at midnight.

[Cnsl1]

Addendum to Holy the Ghost for any sort of current or old MORmON: Constant companion / protector, yet: Runs away and hides at the very first teeny-tiny-itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie sight of "trouble."

Further addendum: the only phantasm that goes to bed at midnight.

Added addendum: not only goes to bed at midnight, but never travels above the speed limit.

[Red Ryder]

Addendum to Holy the Ghost for any sort of current or old MORmON: Constant companion / protector, yet: Runs away and hides at the very first teeny-tiny-itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie sight of "trouble."

My brain went straight to “bikini”…

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

My brain went straight to “bikini”…

Apostate!

[wtfluff]

Addendum to Holy the Ghost for any sort of current or old MORmON: Constant companion / protector, yet: Runs away and hides at the very first teeny-tiny-itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie sight of "trouble."

My brain went straight to “bikini”…

Makes sense. Holy the Spook is most definitely afraid of bikini's and will instantly RUN AWAY! ( <- Typed with my best Monty Python accent.)