Who controls my friendships

[blazerb]

Recently, an old church friend sent me a message asking when he could expect to see me back at church. I responded that I hoped I would be welcome at service projects, but I have problems with the church. He never sent me another message.

Of course, that story gets told 100 times a day for those who have left their faiths. Tonight, though, I was thinking about how I was able to stop attending church because COVID shut down all the meetings. I might still be going if meetings had continued even on Zoom. However, if I remember correctly, SLC said we could not have Zoom meetings for quite a long time. No doubt they thought that the shutdowns would be over in a few weeks, and allowing Zoom meetings causes a loss of control.

Then it occurred to me that SLC has controlled my friendships for most of my life. I get to see my church friends when the church says I can and in the ways it says I can. I know people get together outside of church, but that wasn't happening for me. I cannot go back and give control to this small group of men.

It wasn't just regular meetings. They controlled who could go to whose wedding. The whole time they could have instituted the current policy. They didn't because it would cause a loss of control They only change to try to keep people from leaving anyway. They exerted control over what we said at funerals and mourned our loved ones. I have a little life left in me. I want to live it without the external control.

[2bizE]

Well said Blazerb. If one reflects back, he/she is able to see just how controlling the church is….and just how much members allow the church to control us…our lives and our death.

[moksha]

Count your many blessings: You do not have to stand outside the cave with signs that say Free the Bagwan. No need to paint yourself blue or do a myriad of other things that once bound your being. I mean, sure there is still that gravity thing, but your new helmet protects you from any deleterious thought control of the past.

[Hagoth]

Recently, an old church friend sent me a message asking when he could expect to see me back at church... He never sent me another message.

The yawning gulf between "friend" and "church friend."

[stealthbishop]

I want to live it without the external control.

Amen!!! This is where I'm at too.

I will still make every effort to nourish the LDS friendships and relationships that are important to me as long as they are willing to do the same. BUT, I will not be held hostage by a temple recommend or other controls and "costs".

We belong(ed) to a high demand/strict religion and so these types of patterns of "costs" are commonplace.

This video helped me to see why it is so difficult to find this middle way and to maintain friendships with orthodox LDS (and other high demand religions):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OwlLwBGW4c

[Palerider]

Then it occurred to me that SLC has controlled my friendships for most of my life....They controlled who could go to whose wedding.... They didn't because it would cause a loss of control....They exerted control over what we said at funerals and mourned our loved ones.

Hey!! But they allowed us to have one evening a week with our families (as long as we taught our kids the "gospel").

[blazerb]

Recently, an old church friend sent me a message asking when he could expect to see me back at church... He never sent me another message.

The yawning gulf between "friend" and "church friend."

No kidding.