I'm pretty new here. I've enjoyed reading others posts, questions, responses, ideas, feelings, etc. It's amazing to me the love people have, and the time people give up to offer support to people they do not know, and may never see. A big shout out to everyone! THANK YOU!!
My current status is this: I was born into the church, and have never known any thing else. After years and years, I was finally sick of the way I was feeling. I feel the spirit. I know the church teaches good values, and there are many AMAZING people in the church (and some not so amazing
) But I often wondered why I have never felt the way many members claim to "know" or "believe without a doubt" some of the ideas and teachings. Was it because I wasn't righteous enough? Was K not saying the right things in my prayers your? Was it because I didn't have 100% home teaching over my LDS career ..... 
There are times I begged and pleaded to have an answer. During a very short mission (head on vehicle crash at over 60MPH put me in the hospital for a week and rehab for a year) I "fervently" prayed all night and into the morning for an answer. Nope, still wasn't my time. But it's just because I haven't prayed until I got a good feeling right? Back to the grind...I eventually tried to ask myself, a hypothetical question (of course it could absolutely positively not be correct) what if the church was not true. What if I get to the afterlife and discover I had tunnel vision ? I think that is where. I planted my mustard seed, but it was a different mustard seed than what I had grown up learning about. Maybe there was a reason I wasn't getting the answer to the question I was asking. Maybe that was my answer. Slowly I began to dig a little deeper and deeper, until I discovered enough about the church, about the things we AREN'T taught, that I decided I needed to take a step back and process everything.
And so here I am, trying to process all of this. Learning that we were taught half truths. Although I do appreciate the church, and the good values it does offer, there is still more I need to understand, and contemplate. After searching online, I am amazed at how many other people are in the same predicament I am in. It has helped me to read your stories, and feel your struggles, as I deal with mine.
For those that stuck through that, thank you once again. I hope to to contribute more, and not just be a mooch.
