Requesting a Visit

[Just This Guy]

Looks like we may be a new project family. DW got an email yesterday asking of several people could make appointment to come over to visit. Their suggested time? 7:30 PM.

I have three kids. 9, 4, and almost a year. So they want to come over on a school night right at bedtime? I am pretty sure that the 11th commandment is: "Thou shalt not interrupt the baby's sleep time least thy shall suffer greatly."

DW replied that the time would not work. We'll see if they try to reschedule

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

It's the time that is most convenient for their "task force", not your kids.

[Korihor]

Yes, it is bad timing. But don't blame them too much, TBM's just don't recognise stuff like this. It's like blaming a toddler for failing a physics exam.

[Just This Guy]

Yes, it is bad timing. But don't blame them too much, TBM's just don't recognise stuff like this. It's like blaming a toddler for failing a physics exam.

I think part of the problem is that the local ward has a very high average age. I think a lot of people just do not think about kids and what that entail as far as planning.

[Red Ryder]

That sounds about right.

7:00 - meet at the church.
7:05 - have an opening prayer and ask the HG to know who to visit.
7:24 - stop chatting about the Super Bowl.
7:25 - drive to your house and have a prayer in the car.
7:30 - Ring your doorbell!

Somewhere in that timeline they may stop for a box of day old donuts to give you.

[a1986]

That sounds about right.

7:00 - meet at the church.
7:05 - have an opening prayer and ask the HG to know who to visit.
7:24 - stop chatting about the Super Bowl.
7:25 - drive to your house and have a prayer in the car.
7:30 - Ring your doorbell!

Somewhere in that timeline they may stop for a box of day old donuts to give you.

[HighMaintenance]

That sounds about right.

7:00 - meet at the church.
7:05 - have an opening prayer and ask the HG to know who to visit.
7:24 - stop chatting about the Super Bowl.
7:25 - drive to your house and have a prayer in the car.
7:30 - Ring your doorbell!

Somewhere in that timeline they may stop for a box of day old donuts to give you.

You're forgetting that they said they'd be there at 7:30, which really means 9-ish.

[Give It Time]

We had one of these visits long ago. I told the former Mr. Time that I could no longer go to the temple. I hated the obedience covenant. I gave him a vague idea of why. I told him I had no desire to renew they covenant, nor make it on someone else's behalf. He supported me and I'm grateful for that.

Then we got a visit from a stake representative during stake conference. They gathered us all into one room. After the polite chit-chat, they brought up the subject of the lapsed temple recommends. There, in front of our children, they pointed out how we weren't measuring up. They then encouraged us to measure up. We were polite. The visit ended. That was the first time I realized how very cheeky those visits are.

I apologized to Mr. Time, because, as the HOH, that visit made him look bad. I thanked him for supporting me.

Years later, when the separation was fresh, an invitation to have stake representatives in my home came by phone. I politely declined. Just a couple of weeks ago, I got another invitation (new administration). I politely declined.

All visits from the church that aren't extending a calling are missionary work. Full stop. They are about keeping you engaged with the gospel. It isn't a good thing or a bad thing. It's just a fact. Any time you have a church representative in your home (and it will always be them inviting themselves over) it's about getting/keeping you involved with the church.

If you don't want this happening, simply politely decline.

[moksha]

Somewhere in that timeline they may stop for a box of day old donuts to give you.

That seems to be the most important and welcome part of the timeline.

[Notchet]

They gathered us all into one room. After the polite chit-chat, they brought up the subject of the lapsed temple recommends. There, in front of our children, they pointed out how we weren't measuring up. They then encouraged us to measure up. We were polite. The visit ended. That was the first time I realized how very cheeky those visits are.

I apologized to Mr. Time, because, as the HOH, that visit made him look bad.

Had a similar experience with a pushy home teacher. Chastising and humiliating me in front of my children caught me off guard and was inexcusible. He was never allowed back into our home. If it were to ever happen again...that person would be shown the door in short order. Still irks me!

[deacon blues]

They gathered us all into one room. After the polite chit-chat, they brought up the subject of the lapsed temple recommends. There, in front of our children, they pointed out how we weren't measuring up. They then encouraged us to measure up. We were polite. The visit ended. That was the first time I realized how very cheeky those visits are.

I apologized to Mr. Time, because, as the HOH, that visit made him look bad.

Had a similar experience with a pushy home teacher. Chastising and humiliating me in front of my children caught me off guard and was inexcusible. He was never allowed back into our home. If it were to ever happen again...that person would be shown the door in short order. Still irks me!

Sounds like old school Boyd Packer type fellowshipping

[Give It Time]

They gathered us all into one room. After the polite chit-chat, they brought up the subject of the lapsed temple recommends. There, in front of our children, they pointed out how we weren't measuring up. They then encouraged us to measure up. We were polite. The visit ended. That was the first time I realized how very cheeky those visits are.

I apologized to Mr. Time, because, as the HOH, that visit made him look bad.

Had a similar experience with a pushy home teacher. Chastising and humiliating me in front of my children caught me off guard and was inexcusible. He was never allowed back into our home. If it were to ever happen again...that person would be shown the door in short order. Still irks me!

Sounds like old school Boyd Packer type fellowshipping

Yep. And it's in tithing settlement, as well. I imagine most people are full tithe payers, but those that aren't. Right there, in front of your family.

Maybe this church is so danged family oriented, because family is such an excellent manipulating device.

[Jinx]

Be careful. They will come over without asking. Voice of experience.

[Just This Guy]

I will give them credit that they didn't show up uninvited. DW asked to reschedule, but they have not replied to the request. We're not terribly torn up about that.

So the question is are we becoming the latest project family, or is it just the annual attempt to connect with us.

[Silver Girl]

Be careful. They will come over without asking. Voice of experience.

This is true. I've never seen such pushy behaviors - certainly not in a church setting. I put a stop to the unannounced visits right after I joined, and I maintained that rule the entire time I was a member. I eventually decided to not even have VT or HT in my home - for one thing, it's not convenient for me (I work out of my home), and for another, I began realizing it has overtones of letting the church be in charge of your own space and your private life. An RS president I knew (a terrible woman, by the way) once said the sole purpose of VT was, "To get inside the home." Excuse me?

You don't get as many stale donuts this way (as per RR), but you get the freedom of owning your own space.

[Silver Girl]

I will give them credit that they didn't show up uninvited. DW asked to reschedule, but they have not replied to the request. We're not terribly torn up about that.

So the question is are we becoming the latest project family, or is it just the annual attempt to connect with us.

Based on your OP, there were several people coming over? That sounds like it has project-potential to me. I'm not a fan of in-home visits. If you go for it, raise the ante to pizza and beer as well as the donuts.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

I don't mind visits, but ever since I made my home teacher cry several times by discussing factual information about church history, I don't get any visits. HT and his wife went on a mission and nobody has replaced him. I'm radioactive.

[Give It Time]

Be careful. They will come over without asking. Voice of experience.

[Answering the door]

I'm sorry, it's not a good time. The fumes still haven't completely cleared from that last batch we cooked. Hey, doughnuts (grab box)! Thanks! (Close door)