Just when I think I've heard it all !!!

[Mackman]

Talking to my TBM wife and I mentioned that Russell M Nelson is presiding over the largest church exodus in a century her response: That's just God making sure that less faithful members who are not needed anyway are leaving to keep the Celestial kingdom pure !!! I looked at her shook my head and thought OMG !!! It's worse than I imagined. I also said I'm not going to try and convince you anymore !!! Just incredible!!

[hmb]

To keep the celestial kingdom pure? Wow. Sometimes I do wish mormon heaven was what we were really going to get. It would be entertaining to see the look on TBM faces when they see who really did and did not make it into the CK. Personally, I would want to stay far away from that kingdom. Still, it would be fun to meet up with others, in a lesser kingdom, who thought they had it made, but fell short. Maybe from that pride thing, thinking they were too good for lazy learners, taking up space at church.

[Angel]

always loved this story

An old man and his dog were walking down a dirt road for quite sometime when they finally came to a beautiful marble wall with a golden gate. The person standing guard was dressed in a white robe and said:

"Welcome to Heaven". It was then the old man realized he and his dog were dead and traveling down Eternity Trail. They both were hot and very thirsty as they had been walking for a long time. The old man was so happy to be at Heaven's gate.

He started to enter with his dog following him but the gatekeeper stopped him and said: "I'm sorry, but dogs are not allowed in Heaven so he can't come in with you", as he gestured towards the man's dog.

The old man replied: "But my dog has been my faithful companion all his life. If my dog can't come in with me, then I will stay out too. I will not desert him now, not even to enter Heaven."

The gatekeeper replied: "Suit yourself, but I must warn you, the Devil's on this road and he'll try to sweet talk you into his area. He will promise you anything to get you to enter. So if you don't leave your dog now and come in, you will spend eternity on this road hot and thirsty or end up in Hell."

But the old man still refused to enter and continued walking along the dirt road with his dog.

After walking a long ways further, the man and his dog came upon a rundown fence with no gate. He saw a man dressed in old ragged clothes just on the other side, standing next to a large shady tree. The old man called out to him saying:

"Excuse me Sir. My dog and I have been on this road all day and are very hot and thirsty. Would it be okay if we took a much needed rest under your shady tree?"

"Of course", the other man replied. "There's some cold water under the tree too. So please come in and help yourselves."

The old man asks: "Are you inviting my dog too, because I won't come in without him. In fact, that's why I chose not to go to Heaven because I was told dogs are not allowed."

The man smiled and said, "Welcome to Heaven, and bring your dog!"

The old man exclaimed, "You mean this is Heaven? And dogs are allowed? How come that fellow down the road said they weren't?"

"That was the Devil and he gets all the souls who are willing to give up a life long companion for a few small comforts. ...."

[Palerider]

That's just God making sure that less faithful members who are not needed anyway are leaving to keep the Celestial kingdom pure !!!

So after serving 5 years in a Bishopric and then being called as HP group leader (not to mention EQ pres and all of the other callings I served in...) It turns out that I was one of the less faithful and the church didn't need me anyway.

It is amazing what a TBM mind will assume about those who leave and about what they seem to know is going on in God's mind. All done in order to protect that little hill of arrogance they have staked out for themselves. I might have been tempted to ask if she came up with that on her own or did someone else claim to know God's mind?

Don't take it too hard Mackman. Someday it will all disintegrate in plain sight and the truth will ultimately prevail.

Patience.

[Corsair]

Don't take it too hard Mackman. Someday it will all disintegrate in plain sight and the truth will ultimately prevail.

I fear that one of the illusions we maintain is that the church will actually disintegrate in plain sight and the truth will prevail. TBMs will continue to work and serve and sacrifice and the institutional church will continue to have more money than Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, or Bill Gates. The church will be around for a long time with members either celebrating growth or holding firm in the face of the very elect falling away. Their reaction will simply depend on whichever good or bad numbers they hear about. As a result, a million other believers like Mackman's wife will echo whatever baseless rhetoric they can to explain any statistics report.

[deacon blues]

I suspect at least one member per temple fibs in their temple interview, hence all of God's 100+ houses here on earth are being polluted. Remember , it just takes one. Hang in there Mackman.

I remember playing a New Year's gig at a big hotel in downtown SLC a few years back, and my former wife, who sat in the crowd, said, Sister _____, Stake president's first counselor's wife, is drinking. I had to talk her out of reporting the lady.

[Red Ryder]

The problem is that everyone’s definition of the celestial kingdom is different.

[hmb]

I suspect at least one member per temple fibs in their temple interview, hence all of God's 100+ houses here on earth are being polluted. Remember , it just takes one. Hang in there Mackman.

And why are there locks on the temples', dressing room lockers???????

[Hagoth]

The problem is that everyone’s definition of the celestial kingdom is different.

If it's anything like earthly LDS meetings, temples, and gatherings I would be relieved not to get stranded there, and if that damnable organ and choir provide the soundtrack it would be a living hell for me.

I'm sure my idea of heaven would be hell to most Mormons. It would probably consists of rowing and sailing small boats between islands on a desert lake where you join small crowds for barbeques, H. P. Lovecraft reading clubs, sci-fi movie previews, hippy music jams, star parties... and rivers of endless free coffee and donuts. The Hagothian Kingdom. Let him enter.

[wtfluff]

I'm sure my idea of heaven would be hell to most Mormons. It would probably consists of rowing and sailing small boats between islands on a desert lake where you join small crowds for barbeques, H. P. Lovecraft reading clubs, sci-fi movie previews, hippy music jams, star parties... and rivers of endless free coffee and donuts. The Hagothian Kingdom. Let him enter.

Would any of Hagoth's favorite "Celestial Hagothian Activities" get boring after a few million millennia?

[Hagoth]

Would any of Hagoth's favorite "Celestial Hagothian Activities" get boring after a few million millennia?

You're right, I forgot to mention sex.

ETA: I think the only kind of infinite existence that would be bearable would be one in which you forget everything every century or so. Being a god who learns everything there is to know and then just sits around, with nothing left to learn, listening to the incessant, whining, pleading, and praising of your creations would be the worst kind of hell. You'd be wishing for a little bit of pitchforking and roasting in brimstone to liven things up.

[wtfluff]

You're right, I forgot to mention sex.

ETA: I think the only kind of infinite existence that would be bearable would be one in which you forget everything every century or so. Being a god who learns everything there is to know and then just sits around, with nothing left to learn, listening to the incessant, whining, pleading, and praising of your creations would be the worst kind of hell. You'd be wishing for a little bit of pitchforking and roasting in brimstone to liven things up.

Exactly.

"Eternity" in general just sounds like hell to me any more.

[Reuben]

I'm sure my idea of heaven would be hell to most Mormons. It would probably consists of rowing and sailing small boats between islands on a desert lake where you join small crowds for barbeques, H. P. Lovecraft reading clubs, sci-fi movie previews, hippy music jams, star parties... and rivers of endless free coffee and donuts. The Hagothian Kingdom. Let him enter.

Would any of Hagoth's favorite "Celestial Hagothian Activities" get boring after a few million millennia?

No. No they would not.

Hagoth, how can I get damned there?

[Hagoth]

I'm sure my idea of heaven would be hell to most Mormons. It would probably consists of rowing and sailing small boats between islands on a desert lake where you join small crowds for barbeques, H. P. Lovecraft reading clubs, sci-fi movie previews, hippy music jams, star parties... and rivers of endless free coffee and donuts. The Hagothian Kingdom. Let him enter.

Would any of Hagoth's favorite "Celestial Hagothian Activities" get boring after a few million millennia?

No. No they would not.

Hagoth, how can I get damned there?

Well, for starters you must build a sailboat, meet me at a remote beach location, and sacrifice a rack of pork at that spot. Then I will administer the sacred mushroom and will share with you the secret key words to guide you past the Kens and Barbies of the netherworld.

Man, have I taken this thread off the rails. Sorry.