A fun quiz for you and your favorite TBM's

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

For each of the following please complete the sentence or thought to the best of your ability:

1. Knock! Knock! (Door Opens) Hello, my name is Elder Jones, and this is my companion Elder Shumway, and we are missionaries from...

2. The name of the leader of our church is...

3. If you have committed a serious sin and feel the need to repent you should being the repentance process by talking to...

4. ... has the ability to exercise all priesthood keys and can delegate these to others.

5. The individual who provides final approval on our worthiness and ability to enter the temple is...

6. The one who gives the final approval that the sacrament prayer has been said appropriately is....

7. We are saved by...

8. ...was martyred to seal his testimony with his blood.

9. Follow the...

10. If confronted with a situation where the prophet told me to do one thing and Jesus told me to do another then...

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

Now for the answer key:

A TBM likely responds as follows:
1. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
2. President Russel M Nelson.
3. the bishop.
4. The Prophet
5. the Stake President.
6. the bishop.
7. This one has a few likely answers (grace after all we can do) (Faith, Repentance, Baptism) (Obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel)
8. Joseph Smith
9. Prophet
10. Won't happen because the prophet will never lead us astray so he would never tell us something that is contradictory to the words of Jesus.

There may be some variation of the above but those will likely be the answers.

A Christian's answers would be: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

Kind of makes one wonder why we put all this other stuff between He and us doesn't it...most significantly our thought process.

-lost

[Hagoth]

1... down the block.
2... Charles Nelson Reilly (any Dead Milkmen fans out there?)
3... that guy in the mirror who talked you into doing all of that stupid-ass stuff in the first place
4 Vince Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer...
5... Karen W. Mormando (Director of Undergraduate Admissions at Temple University)
6... Minerva McGonagall
7... hitting the S key
8... Blue Oyster Cult? My college roommate wouldn't listen to them because they had signed a contract with the devil... in their own blood.
9... White Rabbit down the hole
10... excuse yourself by making smoke come out of your ears

[Hagoth]

A Christian's answers would be: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

But... but... but... that means you could follow Him without any sort of church oversite or money exchange at all. That can't be right!

[alas]

For each of the following please complete the sentence or thought to the best of your ability:

1. Knock! Knock! (Door Opens) Hello, my name is Elder Jones, and this is my companion Elder Shumway, and we are missionaries from...

2. The name of the leader of our church is...

3. If you have committed a serious sin and feel the need to repent you should being the repentance process by talking to...

4. ... has the ability to exercise all priesthood keys and can delegate these to others.

5. The individual who provides final approval on our worthiness and ability to enter the temple is...

6. The one who gives the final approval that the sacrament prayer has been said appropriately is....

7. We are saved by...

8. ...was martyred to seal his testimony with his blood.

9. Follow the...

10. If confronted with a situation where the prophet told me to do one thing and Jesus told me to do another then...

3. The person hurt by the sin. Because to me, restitution is the most important part of repentance. Even if you confess to Jesus He is going to tell you to go to the person you hurt
5. Me, I answer the last question about do I feel worthy to enter the temple
9. Your own conscience
10. Even when I was The most TBM ever, I still would have answered that I would do what I feel is right, because sometimes you don’t know for sure what Jesus would say n the subject.

[wtfluff]

2... Charles Nelson Reilly (any Dead Milkmen fans out there?)

I do have a big lizard in my backyard, but I won't dance to anything.


Edit: And now it will be stuck in my head for... Weeks? (Not necessarily a bad thing...)

[moksha]

grace after all we can do

Grace of Jesus covers 90% and you have to pay the Church the remaining 10%.

[moksha]

Monsignor - Hey, is there any way we could tell our parishioners that the "Grace of Jesus covers 90% and you have to pay the Church the remaining 10%?"

Bishop - Yes, but that would be blasphemy.

Monsignor - We could start investing that 10% and soon have a hundred billion dollar tax-free slush fund like the Mormons.

Bishop - I suppose it wouldn't hurt to form an exploratory committee on this matter.

[Give It Time]

1. Knock! Knock! (Door Opens) Hello, my name is Elder Jones, and this is my companion Elder Shumway, and we are missionaries from...

Oh, my goodness! You two must be very hot and tired. Here, let me get you some water.

2. The name of the leader of our church is...

How nice. I don't believe in organized religion.

3. If you have committed a serious sin and feel the need to repent you should being the repentance process by talking to...

I'd start with my therapist, because I have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth and then I'd go talk to the person I hurt and work things out with them.

4. ... has the ability to exercise all priesthood keys and can delegate these to others.

You know what you're saying is bonk, right?

5. The individual who provides final approval on our worthiness and ability to enter the temple is...

Me.

6. The one who gives the final approval that the sacrament prayer has been said appropriately is....

You know there's a pandemic going on, right?

7. We are saved by...

Minding our own goddamned business and living a good life.

8. ...was martyred to seal his testimony with his blood.

All those "witches" who weren't actually witches killed during the witch trials.

9. Follow the...

Money. IOW, who benefits from what I see happening?

10. If confronted with a situation where the prophet told me to do one thing and Jesus told me to do another then...

Follow my own logic and conscience.

[Random]

For each of the following please complete the sentence or thought to the best of your ability:

1. Knock! Knock! (Door Opens) Hello, my name is Elder Jones, and this is my companion Elder Shumway, and we are missionaries from some Church or other.

2. The name of the leader of our church is Jesus.

3. If you have committed a serious sin and feel the need to repent you should begin the repentance process by talking to God and, if it will not do further harm, the person you hurt.

4. God has the ability to exercise all priesthood keys and humans really have no clue what that even means.

5. The individual who provides final approval on our worthiness and ability to enter the house of God is God.

6. The one who gives the final approval that the sacrament prayer has been said appropriately is whoever was willing to read along as the prayer was being said.

7. We are saved by the grace of God and our own sincere repentance.

8. ̶ ̶.̶.̶.̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶m̶a̶r̶t̶y̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶t̶e̶s̶t̶i̶m̶o̶n̶y̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶b̶l̶o̶o̶d̶. [I really don't have one for this. I disagree with the general consensus here of JS's moral character. I believe he was killed because of those who professed to follow him (or at least who once professed that). At this point, I don't really understand sealing a testimony with one's blood. What testimony, exactly, was he sealing? What I see is that time had run out for building the temple God told them to build; and if they didn't build it soon enough, they'd be moved out of their place. I think Joseph being killed marked the end of the allotted time]

9. Follow the gospel of Jesus Christ.

10. If confronted with a situation where *a prophet told me to do one thing and Jesus told me to do another then - duh, no-brainer. Listen to Jesus.

*A prophet, not "the". I don't believe we have one man we should follow and place in the chief seats, as it were. And anyone can be a prophet, really.

[moksha]

8. ...was martyred to seal his testimony with his blood.

This is a very strange claim and the points Random made were very good. I think people may have been using the idea of people, objects, and ideas being sealed with blood for a long time. Religious guy, John Hus, refused to recant before he was burned at the stake and said, "My testimony is sealed with my blood'. Amerindian tribespeople would indicate a bond between each other with blood. Faust's deal with the devil was sealed with Faust's blood. I imagine vampires have their own stories as to what this concept means to them. Anyways, this phase was widely used back when Blood Atonement was being discussed.

[Hagoth]

8. ...was martyred to seal his testimony with his blood.

This is a very strange claim and the points Random made were very good. I think people may have been using the idea of people, objects, and ideas being sealed with blood for a long time. Religious guy, John Hus, refused to recant before he was burned at the stake and said, "My testimony is sealed with my blood'. Amerindian tribespeople would indicate a bond between each other with blood. Faust's deal with the devil was sealed with Faust's blood. I imagine vampires have their own stories as to what this concept means to them. Anyways, this phase was widely used back when Blood Atonement was being discussed.

James Strang
David Koresh
Marshall Applewhite
Etc.

[Reuben]

1. Knock! Knock! (Door Opens) Hello, my name is Elder Jones, and this is my companion Elder Shumway, and we are missionaries from...

The Church of Cheese and Rice of Rattle-Day Snakes.

2. The name of the leader of our church is...

Reality itself, distantly approchable and somewhat effable.

3. If you have committed a serious sin and feel the need to repent you should being the repentance process by talking to...

The person you have wronged, if possible.

4. ... has the ability to exercise all priesthood keys and can delegate these to others.

Whoever has the common consent of those they delegate to. Keys are purely a social construct, and pretending they come from God is only a ploy to get people to hand over their personal authority without question.

5. The individual who provides final approval on our worthiness and ability to enter the temple is...

Whoever you think has that authority over you. I hope it's you.

6. The one who gives the final approval that the sacrament prayer has been said appropriately is....

The bishop, as per the corporation's employee handbook.

7. We are saved by...

Lifeguards? The fire department? What is this saving you speak of? Why would we need it? Saving from what?

8. ...was martyred to seal his testimony with his blood.

Thanos. Emperor Palpatine. Scar.

This is a stupid notion. The fact that someone is willing to die for an idea says almost nothing about that idea's worth.

9. Follow the...

Evidence, regardless of where it leads.

10. If confronted with a situation where the prophet told me to do one thing and Jesus told me to do another then...

I would make an appointment to see a psychiatrist.

[blazerb]

1. Knock! Knock! (Door Opens) Hello, my name is Elder Jones, and this is my companion Elder Shumway, and we are missionaries from...

Oh, my goodness! You two must be very hot and tired. Here, let me get you some water.

2. The name of the leader of our church is...

How nice. I don't believe in organized religion.

3. If you have committed a serious sin and feel the need to repent you should being the repentance process by talking to...

I'd start with my therapist, because I have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth and then I'd go talk to the person I hurt and work things out with them.

4. ... has the ability to exercise all priesthood keys and can delegate these to others.

You know what you're saying is bonk, right?

5. The individual who provides final approval on our worthiness and ability to enter the temple is...

Me.

6. The one who gives the final approval that the sacrament prayer has been said appropriately is....

You know there's a pandemic going on, right?

7. We are saved by...

Minding our own goddamned business and living a good life.

8. ...was martyred to seal his testimony with his blood.

All those "witches" who weren't actually witches killed during the witch trials.

9. Follow the...

Money. IOW, who benefits from what I see happening?

10. If confronted with a situation where the prophet told me to do one thing and Jesus told me to do another then...

Follow my own logic and conscience.

This is perfect.

[RubinHighlander]

2... Charles Nelson Reilly (any Dead Milkmen fans out there?)

Okay, I bought that album on vinyl in the 80s. I have it on a thumb drive. Next road trip! Here's to politically incorrect angsty post punk rock surfer music!

[Random]

8. ...was martyred to seal his testimony with his blood.

This is a very strange claim and the points Random made were very good. I think people may have been using the idea of people, objects, and ideas being sealed with blood for a long time. Religious guy, John Hus, refused to recant before he was burned at the stake and said, "My testimony is sealed with my blood'. Amerindian tribespeople would indicate a bond between each other with blood. Faust's deal with the devil was sealed with Faust's blood. I imagine vampires have their own stories as to what this concept means to them. Anyways, this phase was widely used back when Blood Atonement was being discussed.

Vampires. Hm.

James Strang
David Koresh
Marshall Applewhite
Etc.

But what are these people sealing? Isn't a sealing a closing of some sort? (like sealing an envelope, or sealing a room so no one gets out) Or were they gluing themselves to something? God, maybe?

[moksha]

But what are these people sealing? Isn't a sealing a closing of some sort? (like sealing an envelope, or sealing a room so no one gets out) Or were they gluing themselves to something? God, maybe?

Or like little Jackie Paper who loved that rascal Puff the Dragon and brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff.

[Random]

But what are these people sealing? Isn't a sealing a closing of some sort? (like sealing an envelope, or sealing a room so no one gets out) Or were they gluing themselves to something? God, maybe?

Or like little Jackie Paper who loved that rascal Puff the Dragon and brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff.

Sounds about as good as any other explanation I've heard.