I have been coming out lately and it feels great

[trophywife26.2]

Recently came out to some family members about non-belief and a few more friends and neighbors. It just organically happened. There have been consequences and some challenges, but we have been able to handle it. And so far, we haven't lost any relationships yet though some relationships have been strained to say the least. The family members seem in shock/denial. I know it will probably be a year before we reach acceptance with them.

Despite added stress, more than anything I feel free.

Since the first day I posted here (on the old board) the thing I've spoken/posted about more than anything else has been fear of being found out in my apostasy and telling the truth to people about my position with the church. Now it's starting to come out and it's a relief. Just wanted to share.

[Korihor]

I did a little trolling on facebook and some old friends saw my posts on a KSL link. They reached out just to ask basically where I'm at.

They're response was simply, we'll always love the korihor family.

It warmed my cold apostate heart.


Congrats on coming out more and more. It feels good.

[Enoch Witty]

I'm just dying to come out lately, but at this point, I don't think it would serve a purpose.

My family all lives ~3000 miles away. They won't understand or accept it, and they'll do everything they can to "rescue me" or change me or whatever it is they think they're doing, which ultimately damages our relationship, making us less close, and that's really saying something, because of the aforementioned long distance between us. They know I'm not on the strait and narrow, and I get constant needling from my mom, sister, and aunts threatening that I will surely lose my wife if I keep on the path I'm doing. They think they're doing what they should be, but I'm not sure they realize how much it makes me hate the church and shut down around family so I don't have to put up with their BS. Coming out would only exacerbate this (although eventually I'll have to start setting boundaries, of course. I've been doing the non-response tactic for quite some time and it has slowed down these events significantly).

My local community has not really applied a lot of pressure to me. I've stepped back from church completely, and the rescue squad hasn't been sent. I even went to a ballroom dancing EQ activity not long ago for my wife's benefit, and everyone was really nice and nobody pressured me or even did the whole "we miss you" guilt trip thing. I was expecting showing up at that event would put me on the radar, but I haven't heard anything this week, at least. My few TBM friends haven't pushed or interrogated me, either. I can't imagine this will keep up, but if it does, I could see myself keeping it going indefinitely.

Despite all the reasons above, I'm jealous of you people who have had opportunities to come out. It's a scary thing, but it's a necessary step in making our relationships more authentic. Yay!

[Linked]

(on the old board)

Where we used to live?

I'm happy that you are able to come out, and that it is relieving instead of stressful! I dream of that day, but I don't think my relationship with my wife is ready for that yet. I play church ball with some less active guys in my ward and I always want to start a discussion about why they don't go to church and tell them my story, but that can't happen yet (and who knows if they want to get into that). Not to mention having to bite my tongue at family gatherings.

My local community has not really applied a lot of pressure to me. I've stepped back from church completely, and the rescue squad hasn't been sent. I even went to a ballroom dancing EQ activity not long ago for my wife's benefit, and everyone was really nice and nobody pressured me or even did the whole "we miss you" guilt trip thing.

Despite all the reasons above, I'm jealous of you people who have had opportunities to come out. It's a scary thing, but it's a necessary step in making our relationships more authentic. Yay!

There are a couple guys in my ward who rarely come, and when they do I find myself saying "It's good to see you!" and I worry that they think I'm doing a very passive-aggressive guilt trip. But I really do enjoy seeing them and I'm pretty sure my eyes show my sincerity. Would that make you feel guilt tripped?

I think coming out is necessary to move on in our journey and find a self outside of mormonism. I'm feeling damned right now and it sucks.

[trophywife26.2]

Full disclosure I couldn't sleep last night thinking about one of the people I told had me a little keyed up. Or too much caffeine yesterday.

[Enoch Witty]

There are a couple guys in my ward who rarely come, and when they do I find myself saying "It's good to see you!" and I worry that they think I'm doing a very passive-aggressive guilt trip. But I really do enjoy seeing them and I'm pretty sure my eyes show my sincerity. Would that make you feel guilt tripped?

I think you're good. Even "we've missed you" isn't inherently bad; it's the implied question, the implied guilt, and the implied judgment that are offensive there. It's all contextual and on an individual basis, I think.

[Journey]

Trophy, that's awesome and probably so unnerving at the same time. Glad to hear you're making some progress that feels good!

Linked, I think if you could add something more personal to that "I miss you" statement, it would make it sound more genuine, as you actually mean it. I bet if someone said that to me, in that setting, I might not think they really meant more than the usual stuff we hear (and/or say) there. Good luck!

[Korihor]

Threadjack alert -

I moved to Phoenix because of my work. I was promoted to a management position with the same company and so we moved from SLC to PHX in 2015. My boss in Utah is still my boss in PHX, as he got a promotion as well when I was promoted so he could be a "regional manager". Long story short, during the moving process from Utah to Arizona is when my shelf crashed and my boss was very familiar with my religious struggles while I was still in Utah. I was TBM when he knew me there. He knows that I now lost faith in the LDS church, but isn't too familiar with my new life down here.

Yesterday, he was here in Phoenix and we went out golfing. There was a delay on our tee time, so we went to the grill. I ordered a coffee. Since the company was footing the bill, I also helped myself to 4 Corona's. It's kinda fun coming out.

Anyway,