One hour church

[Mormon 8]

I'm hearing several reports about the 'church' piloting and experimenting with one hour church in select stakes in both Arizona and Utah - can anyone corroborate this? The scuttlebutt is a 25 minute sacrament meeting, 5 minute break and then 30 minutes alternating between SS and priesthood/RS every other week.

[Reuben]

I've been personally piloting zero-hour church for a couple of years now. The breakdown is 0 minutes SM, 0 minutes break, and then 0 minutes SS/PM (alternating weeks). It goes by really fast.

[Angel]

My new year's resolution involves 45 minutes of church, 4 times a week. It involves putting on tennis shoes, popping in ear-buds, and strapping my two ministering pooches round my waist, then getting my heart up to around 130BPM ...

I go to church where Jesus went, outside in the hills.

[Hagoth]

They're trying to figure out the least amount of product they must produce while maximizing the amount of free money coming in.

[1smartdodog]

Sounds like a rumor with no reality to me. Impossible to do a sacrament meeting in 25 min. Just announcements and the sacrament. Even I think that is lame and why would i go to church.

Somewhere along the line they need to think of policies and programs that will inspire.


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[glass shelf]

Sounds like a rumor with no reality to me. Impossible to do a sacrament meeting in 25 min. Just announcements and the sacrament. Even I think that is lame and why would i go to church.

Somewhere along the line they need to think of policies and programs that will inspire.


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I agree. At some point, it's so short that it's not worth the effort to even go. Maybe not so much in UT, but I lived plenty of places where members had to drive 30-45 minutes to get to church.

Also, that's even more downtime on Sunday when Mormons have so few "allowable" activities.

[no1saint]

Sounds like a rumor with no reality to me. Impossible to do a sacrament meeting in 25 min. Just announcements and the sacrament. Even I think that is lame and why would i go to church.

Somewhere along the line they need to think of policies and programs that will inspire.


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It would be like lunchtime mass. Quick and efficient. Sacrament can be done in 10 minutes. Greetings and announcements 5 minutes. 10 minutes for one hymn and a homily/message from someone in the bishopric.

[Hagoth]

ld be like lunchtime mass. Quick and efficient. Sacrament can be done in 10 minutes. Greetings and announcements 5 minutes. 10 minutes for one hymn and a homily/message from someone in the bishopric.

If this were true, sacrament would become the focus and the object of publicly demonstrating your worthiness and orthodoxy, similar to what the temple has become. Perhaps worthiness-shaming implications would be stepped up and sacrament partaking would become more of a public demonstration that you are OneOfUs. Less emphasis on message, more on ritual and conformity. Missing even one sacrament meeting would be a confession-worthy sin. To make it faster they could combine the two prayers and eliminate any mention of Jesus Christ. Maybe you would partake in the name of Obedience, the first Law of Heaven.

A patent search reveals that a shell corporation in SLC has recently filed patents for a rapid-fire bread pellet gun that sprays water on the projectile as it leaves the chamber. The attached drawings include an illustration of a 12-year old male in a white shirt strafing a congregation who are wearing mouth-opening clamps (patent pending), a la Alex DeLarge's eye clips in A Clockwork Orange. The sacrament would be a horrific ordeal but could be accomplished in seconds with a well trained crack squad of Partakinators. And everyone would come away gushing about how strongly they felt the spirit.

[Corsair]

As someone in Arizona, it sounds great, but I doubt it. No rumors of One Hour Church have circulated around my ward. Granted, I am not in a bishopric, so perhaps such a delightful idea has not yet reached me.

[slavereeno]

As someone in Arizona, it sounds great, but I doubt it. No rumors of One Hour Church have circulated around my ward. Granted, I am not in a bishopric, so perhaps such a delightful idea has not yet reached me.

Also in AZ and hearing nothing about this. I think if a ward were indeed piloting this, there is no way that the information would be kept quiet for long.

[Red Ryder]

Yes, yes, the rumors are true! My ward is piloting 1 hour church and it is magnificent and glorious! Whoever received the revelation to pilot this is a true messenger from God!

This same pilot program is also testing sacrament wine, no garments, and 1% tithing.

#TenderPilotMercy!

[slavereeno]

Yes, yes, the rumors are true! My ward is piloting 1 hour church and it is magnificent and glorious! Whoever received the revelation to pilot this is a true messenger from God!

This same pilot program is also testing sacrament wine, no garments, and 1% tithing.

#TenderPilotMercy!

I'm in, please help me find a home to buy somewhere in your ward boundaries.

[Anon70]

I've been personally piloting zero-hour church for a couple of years now. The breakdown is 0 minutes SM, 0 minutes break, and then 0 minutes SS/PM (alternating weeks). It goes by really fast.

[2bizE]

Plenty of non-lds churches have 1 hour services in Sundays. Seems to have worked for them for years...

[no1saint]

ld be like lunchtime mass. Quick and efficient. Sacrament can be done in 10 minutes. Greetings and announcements 5 minutes. 10 minutes for one hymn and a homily/message from someone in the bishopric.

If this were true, sacrament would become the focus and the object of publicly demonstrating your worthiness and orthodoxy, similar to what the temple has become. Perhaps worthiness-shaming implications would be stepped up and sacrament partaking would become more of a public demonstration that you are OneOfUs. Less emphasis on message, more on ritual and conformity. Missing even one sacrament meeting would be a confession-worthy sin. To make it faster they could combine the two prayers and eliminate any mention of Jesus Christ. Maybe you would partake in the name of Obedience, the first Law of Heaven.

A patent search reveals that a shell corporation in SLC has recently filed patents for a rapid-fire bread pellet gun that sprays water on the projectile as it leaves the chamber. The attached drawings include an illustration of a 12-year old male in a white shirt strafing a congregation who are wearing mouth-opening clamps (patent pending), a la Alex DeLarge's eye clips in A Clockwork Orange. The sacrament would be a horrific ordeal but could be accomplished in seconds with a well trained crack squad of Partakinators. And everyone would come away gushing about how strongly they felt the spirit.

Love it. The war on Satan has become literal.

[moksha]

... a well trained crack squad of Partakinators. And everyone would come away gushing about how strongly they felt the spirit.

Brilliant ideas need repeating.

[no1saint]

It makes sense. Consolidated wards in one building and freeing up others to be adapted into temples. There is a rumour that RMN wants to put a 0 on the end of the current temple tally. That could be easily done by converting a stake centre into a temple.

[Hagoth]

It makes sense. Consolidated wards in one building and freeing up others to be adapted into temples. There is a rumour that RMN wants to put a 0 on the end of the current temple tally. That could be easily done by converting a stake centre into a temple.

Sounds like a pointless one-upsmanship ego-boosting kind of thing. Maybe he should just wave a white hanky over a warehouse full of Corn Flakes boxes and make them all temples while he's at it. Add another 0.

[Thoughtful]

It seems like they piloted 2 hours for a decade before it being institutionalized.

[no1saint]

It makes sense. Consolidated wards in one building and freeing up others to be adapted into temples. There is a rumour that RMN wants to put a 0 on the end of the current temple tally. That could be easily done by converting a stake centre into a temple.

Sounds like a pointless one-upsmanship ego-boosting kind of thing. Maybe he should just wave a white hanky over a warehouse full of Corn Flakes boxes and make them all temples while he's at it. Add another 0.

That literally made me giggle. RMN is an ego maniac, as every dear leader has been before him. I believe they will announce it at conference. Considering SWK ran a session from Palmyra, I wonder what RMN will do in this bicentenary year of the first lie - ( I mean first vision, I mean first lie) to one up him.