The Mormon Peloton Wife

[Red Ryder]

The Mormon Wife got a new Peloton Bike from her husband for Christmas. Joyful and triumphant she made goals to ride the bike every day for a year. Her goals were driven by a desire to be more healthy, lose weight, and tighten her backside for the annual intimate moment when the garments come off.

The first day she was too busy picking up the 3 older kids, dropping them off to soccer practice, then shuttling across town just in time to pick up the younger 3 kids from music, dance, and pottery lessons. She got home at 6:30 in time to put the frozen lasagna in the oven hoping it would cook in 20 minutes so that her husband could eat and make it to his bishopric meetings on time by 7:00. Then she fed the kids, cleaned the kitchen, switched the laundry, and ran the second leg of carpool picking the kids up from mutual at 8:30 and getting them to bed my 9:30. By the time her husband got home at 9:45, she was too tired to listen to the ward gossip let alone hop on the bike and work her keister off.

The next three nights were just as busy but she endured and was able to spend 10 minutes on the bike while her kids napped. Then play dates, ministering visits, and primary lesson planning took all her time.

Before she knew it half the year was over and her bike sat unused, collecting laundry, towels, and all other forms of things hung with good intentions to put away later.

She recommits herself to put herself first by working on herself and putting her needs above everyone else’s.

...only to find out that she’s expecting child number 7!

[Angel]

The church really does revolve around kids... it would be great to have programs for adults too

[græy]

The Mormon Wife got a new Peloton Bike from her husband for Christmas. Joyful and triumphant she made goals to ride the bike every day for a year. Her goals were driven by a desire to be more healthy, lose weight, and tighten her backside for the annual intimate moment when the garments come off.

...

Before she knew it half the year was over and her bike sat unused, collecting laundry, towels, and all other forms of things hung with good intentions to put away later.

...

...only to find out that she’s expecting child number 7!

From this we can deduce that the annual intimate moment happens sometime between late March and early May. However, speaking from experience... I mean, not my own. A friend's experience. Totally not mine. Speaking from experience, the Mormon wife may want to reevaluate that schedule and adjust to a biennial moment. A friend said that was HIS experience! Why are you looking at me like that?

[Red Ryder]

From this we can deduce that the annual intimate moment happens sometime between late March and early May. However, speaking from experience... I mean, not my own. A friend's experience. Totally not mine. Speaking from experience, the Mormon wife may want to reevaluate that schedule and adjust to a biennial moment. A friend said that was HIS experience! Why are you looking at me like that?

Was this the norm for your friend before his faith crisis? Is his wife a distancer while he’s the pursuer in the relationship? Asking for research purposes as I’m preparing a NOM post called “God Ordained Marital Intimacy (GOMI) Before and After A Crisis of Faith!”

So far the rough draft looks like this:

She bangs, she bangs!
She cries, and cries, and cries, then reads her scriptures, says her prayers, and attends the temple often!

[slavereeno]

This thread is cracking me up.

I am going to print it and put it in the inspirational Christmas story book we have, right before "The Gift of The Magi."

[græy]

Was this the norm for your friend before his faith crisis? Is his wife a distancer while he’s the pursuer in the relationship? Asking for research purposes as I’m preparing a NOM post called “God Ordained Marital Intimacy (GOMI) Before and After A Crisis of Faith!”

So far the rough draft looks like this:

She bangs, she bangs!
She cries, and cries, and cries, then reads her scriptures, says her prayers, and attends the temple often!

LOL! Fun fact, "gomi" is Japanese for "garbage."

If I asked my friend, I believe he'd tell me things were sliding downhill long before his faith crisis, but the distance injected by the faith crisis certainly didn't help. The situation likely has roots in his and his wife's inability to communicate on any meaningful level. Years of being force-fed a fixed solution to every problem, a moral stance in every dilemma, and an answer to every unanswerable question has led to a complete incapacity for individual thought or opinion on any topic from what kind of drink to order at breakfast or what real marital intimacy might look like. Err... so my friend might say.