I’ve decided I’ve moved past all 5 stages of Fowler’s model and have matured and mastered this mortal life enough to break away from NOM and start an Internet cult called the Covenant Pathway to Three Ordinances or CP3O for short.
My cult will be open to kind, happy, overly joyous people who fear government tyranny, hate excessive taxation, and those who find organized religion to be annoying as Tammy Faye Baker’s eyeshadow.
What should you wear when attending my cult meetings you ask? Absolutely anything you want as long as it doesn’t obstruct you from participating in our secret ordinances which may or may not consist of raising your arms high above your head and lowering them as you chant, CP3 ohhhhhhh, three times.
My cult believes in organization synchronization so come prepared to learn more about this ancient Western Egyptian practice too sacred to discuss here in digital print. I will teach you the art form formerly known as Xia aiX which translates to “thou art a super special child of God” when you place an orange in a hat and dim the lights. Be prepared to get orange juice squirted in your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth.
I plan to in the not too far distant future to have many members of my internet cult move in to my mansion that has been funded off the backs of their tax exempt donations and sacrificed livelihood. At a future date they may have the ability to earn heaven points participating in super sacred ordinances that may require consumption of mind altering psychedelics.
Anyone want to join?
See how easy it is to start your own cult?
