Speed of Prayer Theory

[moksha]

Let's assume that God is smart enough to come up with a way to accelerate the speed of prayer from Earth to Kolob well beyond the physical limits of lightspeed. With a hyper-lightspeed prayer accelerator, the normal 5000 lightyear distance to Kolob could be whittled down to a mere 50 years - meaning that theoretically, you could receive an answer to your prayers within your own lifetime. The exception to this is asking for God's assistance in finding your keys. Key finding technology is boosted by the addition of short burst twinkling-in-an eye acceleration.

Can you help add some of your own metaphysical understanding to this Speed of Prayer Theory?

[Reuben]

He might delegate prayer answering to a first-degree celestial (a ministering servant) named Brian who orbits the Sun at the Sun-Earth L3 point. Turnaround time for answering prayers from the other side of the Sun would be about 33 minutes, if Brian stays on his toes. Add in a hyper-lightspeed accelerator and answers could be instantaneous.

Joseph Smith was probably visited by Brian and his eternally platonic friend Judy. It's too bad they had to let Lucifer have at him for 33 minutes while they traveled in the conduit.

Weirdly, I just noticed that "first degree" is totally a Masonic term.

[sunstoned]

Prayer mystery solved:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaZDcS-rMf4

[Not Buying It]

Oh ye of little faith. The sun somehow gets its light from Kolob over that unimaginably vast distance, according to Facsimile 2 in the Book of Abraham:

Is called in Egyptian Enish-go-on-dosh; this is one of the governing planets also, and is said by the Egyptians to be the Sun, and to borrow its light from Kolob through the medium of Kae-e-vanrash, which is the grand Key, or, in other words, the governing power, which governs fifteen other fixed planets or stars, as also Floeese or the Moon, the Earth and the Sun in their annual revolutions. This planet receives its power through the medium of Kli-flos-is-es, or Hah-ko-kau-beam, the stars represented by numbers 22 and 23, receiving light from the revolutions of Kolob.

(Wanna read something fun? See FairMormon try and defend this nonsense at https://www.fairmormon.org/answers/Book ... m_Kolob.3F. I’ve read some asinine things in my life, but I am not sure I’ve ever read anything this ridiculous.)

So if the sun can get its light from Kolob “through the medium of Kae-e-vanrash”, why is it so hard to believe that prayers can be received and answered instantaneously over that great distance? Duh.

[Reuben]

So if the sun can get its light from Kolob “through the medium of Kae-e-vanrash”, why is it so hard to believe that prayers can be received and answered instantaneously over that great distance? Duh.

So... Kae-e-vanrash is subspace then? Cool.

It also sounds like a skin condition you'd pick up from a Korean automobile.

[moksha]

So if the sun can get its light from Kolob “through the medium of Kae-e-vanrash”, why is it so hard to believe that prayers can be received and answered instantaneously over that great distance? Duh.

So... Kae-e-vanrash is subspace then? Cool.

Sounds potentially like a wormhole or Star Gate leading to the planets Earth, Oblibish, Enish-go-on-Dosh (AKA the Celtic Planet), as well as others such as Comet, Donner, Blitzen, McConkie, and Smith World.

[dogbite]

Our consciouness only percieves the past. Everything we sense has traveled to our sense systems; been converted to nerve impulses; traveled to the brain; been coverted to other impulses; and added to the model our consciousness builds of reality, which can only be of the recent past. For life on earth this delay is short enough to not matter though as we travel faster in cars and planes and so on, our reaction time and past consciousness becomes less adequate.

Some religious folk argue that the only thing instantly perciev3e is spirit to spirit communication. This is why God talks to us through the holy ghost.

That this would require a translation system of some sort to enter the realm of our chemical consciousness is neglected in the argument. Nor the causality violations the system similarly ignores. Even the proposed hyperspeed prayer gets into causality issues. I suppose the believer just replaces causality violation with the word miracle to hand wave away the issue in the same way Star Trek has warp cores, Heisenberg compensators and so on. If we can replace the confusion with a magic word, the problem is resolved.

[NOMormon]

Our understanding of space-time relativity through the curvature and warping of space is the beginning of knowledge. The "ether" or invisible "substrate" that permeates creation constitutes a "space-time-priesthood" continuum whereby all things are now to God as revealed to him through the Urim and Thummin on which he resides. Your prayer and God not answering it occur simultaneously and have always existed. That we experience reality as a sequence of events is a construct of mortality which to God does not exist. Our prayers therefore need not be accelerated but have always remained unanswered since the beginning.

* The role of Floeese in this system is not currently understood and we await further light and knowledge.

[moksha]

NOMormon, your idea of a Space-Time-Priesthood continuum is most intriguing. Do you know whether any doctoral students at BYU have devoted a speculative dissertation to this subject?

[Phil Lurkerman]

Or - and hear me out - maybe it's all made up.

[Reuben]

Or - and hear me out - maybe it's all made up.

Don't tell the apologists about this defense! It is absolutely bullet-proof. If it's all made up, then it doesn't have to be consistent with facts and well-validated theories. Hell, it doesn't even have to be consistent with itself because it can be reconciled using its own internal logic.

Just... they can never know about the "it's all made up" defense, okay?

[1smartdodog]

If it takes 50 years to get a prayer answered that explains a lot. Think about it. That is about how far behind most of the leaders are.


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[moksha]

If it takes 50 years to get a prayer answered that explains a lot. Think about it. That is about how far behind most of the leaders are.

It's like they should have prayed for wisdom rather than a new 1969 Dodge Dart.

[ulmite]

May I point out that an omniscient God knows what will happen, knows what you will do before you do it, and can therefore sidestep the lag problem by sending responses ahead of time a century to a few hundred milennia or so ahead of time.
To keep everything coherent with a 6,000-ish year old planet and star, it makes sense that He created the arriving prayer answers en route at the same time that He seperated the heavens from the earth.