Unintended consequences of civil marriage announcement

[jfro18]

I was working on a quite write-up of this... thinking of the unintended consequence of the wedding announcement yesterday.

So far I have 3 but was wondering if anyone had others?

My 3 so far...

1. Virtue Signaling/Class Creation -- basically creating that dynamic of more/less righteous if you have a civil ceremony as opposed to those who stick to what God really wants and has a temple ceremony anyway.

2. It's going to hurt those excluded a lot more now -- Now that it's a choice, if you still have a temple wedding it's going to really, really hurt those who know you don't have to do it this way whether it's parents, siblings, or even friends.

3. It's causing a lot of pain to those who suffered from this -- both members and exmos have been highlighting how much pain this policy caused them. It's really pouring salt on some very unnecessary wounds.

Anyone have others?

[Not Buying It]

I have to think some shelves are getting loaded for believing members who excluded loved ones from their temple weddings only to now wonder if that was completely unnecessary and arbitrary. Some may now think "why should I make sacrifices now if the Church just comes along and changes and pretty much nullifies those sacrifices"?

[Anon70]

I was wondering if those of us that are paying and obeying in order to not be excluded from these events might stop paying and obeying. Tithing receipts may go down?

[Red Ryder]

THERE SHOULD ONLY BE ONE! #3. The past can't be changed. An apology would be nice but...

Everything else we can eliminate every un-intended consequence by doing this one weird trick:

Point out that this change allows for EVERYONE to attend your wedding! That's the purpose of the change!

"I'm planning a civil wedding first so that the following people in my life can attend my wedding:

My cute 3 year old niece. She's going to be a flower girl. You should see her dress.

My 12 year old brother. He's going to be a grooms man. He looks lit in his tux!

My 18 year old brother who leaves on his mission in June. He hasn't been through the temple yet so he's happy to see me married before he goes.

My 87 year old grandma from Chicago. She's not Mormon but loves me just as much!

My inactive unbelieving father who provided food, clothing, and wisdom since I was born. The man who followed his heart and integrity and have up living a lie. This man deserves every ounce of respect and to attend my goddamn wedding!

This is why we are CHOOSING to have a civil wedding first!

[RubinHighlander]

Will some TBMs continue to do the Temple only because as the church keeps watering down it's super special peculiarness, zealous TBMs will grab on to any last remaining remnants? I think there's a percentage there that like to feel like they are a cut above the rest by living the letter of the law.

[hmb]

1. Virtue Signaling/Class Creation -- basically creating that dynamic of more/less righteous if you have a civil ceremony as opposed to those who stick to what God really wants and has a temple ceremony anyway.

I hadn't considered this. It will be like those of us who came from pioneer stock are somehow more "special" than those who did not. Just a notch higher on the totem pole.

[Corsair]

This is going to be interesting going forward. My wife noted this change to me and she really does not like to bring up church matters with me. Her concern is that she prefers that I maintain a temple recommend so that I can attend the presumably temple marriage of one daughter who is most likely to be married in a temple. My wife quite kindly wants our daughter to have both parents attend the sealing. This policy change has, I think, put some existential dread onto her. The repercussions of me dropping my temple recommend have been dramatically lowered.

My preference is an amusing middle way in this matter. I actually would like to retain my temple recommend, partly for the sake of my father who is a temple worker. At the same time, I will encourage my daughter to have a civil wedding in some delightful location like up in the mountains or on a beach or in a historic building (not an LDS historic building). This will allow all of my children to actually attend the ceremony. This will let allow the attendance of school friends, cousins, and perhaps some of you fine NOM folks. This will allow some cute child to act as the flower girl.

I can anticipate some opposition to this from certain grandparents and youth leaders. This does not acknowledge the desires of the future groom to my daughter as bride. I assure you that I will let you know how this story unfolds.

[A New Name]

Another unintended consequence will be all the people registering with their local state’s laws so they can perform the wedding of a friend. In California it just takes about an hour at the County Clerk’s office, and $75, and you are deputized to perform a single wedding on the day chosen. I’ve done this once after I was released as a Bishop. It was a lot of fun. You can even have a woman (aunt Dorothy) officiate! This will drive some of the “brethren” crazy!

[alas]

Another unintended consequence will be all the people registering with their local state’s laws so they can perform the wedding of a friend. In California it just takes about an hour at the County Clerk’s office, and $75, and you are deputized to perform a single wedding on the day chosen. I’ve done this once after I was released as a Bishop. It was a lot of fun. You can even have a woman (aunt Dorothy) officiate! This will drive some of the “brethren” crazy!

My daughter officiated at her sister’s wedding. It kind of does make it special. The bride already had enough bride’s maids, and wanted a more special role for her sister.

[2bizE]

Will some TBMs continue to do the Temple only because as the church keeps watering down it's super special peculiarness, zealous TBMs will grab on to any last remaining remnants? I think there's a percentage there that like to feel like they are a cut above the rest by living the letter of the law.

Yes, these will be the STPs (same ten people) that show up to clean toilets, every activity, and do their ministering. They can rise above the normal people by having a temple only wedding. They can only be outdone by an all-white temple wedding performed by a GA.

[RubinHighlander]

Will some TBMs continue to do the Temple only because as the church keeps watering down it's super special peculiarness, zealous TBMs will grab on to any last remaining remnants? I think there's a percentage there that like to feel like they are a cut above the rest by living the letter of the law.

Yes, these will be the STPs (same ten people) that show up to clean toilets, every activity, and do their ministering. They can rise above the normal people by having a temple only wedding. They can only be outdone by an all-white temple wedding performed by a GA.

In the past two wards I was in as a TBM, they called these "The Great Families"; I'm not kidding.

[crossmyheart]

Will some TBMs continue to do the Temple only because as the church keeps watering down it's super special peculiarness, zealous TBMs will grab on to any last remaining remnants? I think there's a percentage there that like to feel like they are a cut above the rest by living the letter of the law.

you just described both of my sisters

[nibbler]

4. Rank and file members start to realize that long standing policies that they sacrificed to obey can and will change. Something that would hopefully make them think twice about how much they are willing to sacrifice for other extant policies.

Tired of waiting around for the church to "authorize" coffee? Just start drinking it. Be ahead of the permission curve and give yourself permission.

[blazerb]

I could imagine that in the short term there will be a few bishops and stake presidents who deny recommends to couples who marry civilly but don't have a "good" reason to do so. A bride who just wants a ceremony that includes her younger siblings or maybe wants something that looks nicer than the temple clothing will be pressured to go straight to the temple. I am certain there will be conflicts. It could lead in some small corners of mormondom to realize that our leaders sometimes don't even know the most publicly discussed church policies. It will load up some shelves.

[alas]

4. Rank and file members start to realize that long standing policies that they sacrificed to obey can and will change. Something that would hopefully make them think twice about how much they are willing to sacrifice for other extant policies.

Tired of waiting around for the church to "authorize" coffee? Just start drinking it. Be ahead of the permission curve and give yourself permission.

I see this happening over the last few years anyway, even before Nelson started changing some long held policies that hurt people. I have been amazed at the number of TBMs I know who are drinking green tea, wearing garments only to the temple, giving themselves a medical exemption from the coffee ban, deciding that the church “punishment” for getting a civil wedding is well worth the one year wait, deciding that for their family, two hour church is fine and just skipping third hour, or one family I knew just took the kids to primary and then attended the other ward’s sac meeting, then chatted in the hall until their children were finished and went home. You didn’t seen any of this kind of behavior twenty years ago. So, I think RMN is partly trying to head off disobedience by changing the rules people don’t follow anyway. Kind of like they gave up the ban on birth control when nobody paid attention to it.