Your Random LDS Questions

[Hagoth]

If my eternal family™ consists of my wife, myself and our two children, who is in my parents' eternal family? Who is in my wife's parents' eternal family? Who is in their parents' families? Who is in my childrens' families? My grandchildrens'?

Does sealing link us all together in one, big, all-inclusive family? What is the difference between a family that includes everybody and a set that includes everybody, but without sealing?

[Hagoth]

Why doesn't the Book of Mormon, the keystone of our religion which contains the fullness of the gospel, contain any LDS doctrine?

[Reuben]

If my eternal family™ consists of my wife, myself and our two children, who is in my parents' eternal family? Who is in my wife's parents' eternal family? Who is in their parents' families? Who is in my childrens' families? My grandchildrens'?

Does sealing link us all together in one, big, all-inclusive family? What is the difference between a family that includes everybody and a set that includes everybody, but without sealing?

You end up in one big, all-inclusive family headed by Adam (and lately, Eve). In a really, reeeealy big house. Everyone gets to live near their earthly children, too, even though each child has like, a billion of their own descendants. It works out because eternity happens in infinite-dimensional spacetime, which defies our intuitive notions of proximity.

Look, this isn't that hard.

Everyone who is sealed has naughty bits that are still, um, naughty. Having proved their self-control, they can be trusted to sire trillions of spirit children and send them to earths to be tested. The men can also use their naughty bits to get naughty with a spirit daughter to provide a savior/sacrifice for them all. Those who are sealed get to live in the really, reeeealy big house, too, headed by their own Adams (and lately, Eves). And they can all live near their loving heavenly parents, because infinite-dimensional spacetime.

Again, this isn't that hard.

[moksha]

Why would God want Man to influence how things work in heaven via the power to bind things on earth?

[Hagoth]

Everyone who is sealed has naughty bits that are still, um, naughty. Having proved their self-control, they can be trusted to sire trillions of spirit children and send them to earths to be tested. The men can also use their naughty bits to get naughty with a spirit daughter to provide a savior/sacrifice for them all. Those who are sealed get to live in the really, reeeealy big house, too, headed by their own Adams (and lately, Eves). And they can all live near their loving heavenly parents, because infinite-dimensional spacetime.

OK, that leads to another question. Sometimes in Mormon doctrine we come from intelligences that are co-eternal with God, and sometimes we are created as spirits by Mom & Dad gods doing the nasty. Where did that doctrine come from? The whole concept of what "intelligence" means seems to morph all over the place, from intelligent beings to unorganized spiritual matter. And how is it that when people with celestial bodies have intercourse they create spirits rather than bodies? Are sperm and egg involved? Chromosomes? Does the mother actually get pregnant and give birth? Lots and lots of dangling loose ends here. When Elohim inseminated Mary why did they get a physical Jesus and not a spiritual one?

[Raylan Givens]

I like this.

Will I have a belly button when I am resurrected? (I hate getting lint in it)

What if Heavenly Mother isn't a good cook? Do I still have to eat the food she gives me?

When the millennium comes, will you still need to go to church, or can we count hanging out with Jesus as church?

Will the upcoming youth program be any good?

Will the Church accept tithing from lottery winnings?

If I slip and fall while shoveling the walks around the church building, will help be offered for my medical bills?

What is the best gift to give President Nelson?

[Just This Guy]

Third question. According to the church,...WHAT IS DOCTRINE!?

I think it was Joseph Fielding Smith who said that if a GA said something that didn't square with the standard works, then it wasn't doctrine. And you have quotes by Brigham Young that are repeated that say "The prophet is more important than all the standard works."

So, what does the church actually say IS its doctrine?

What a question!!!! After being in the church for almost 45 years of my life,...I don't know what constitutes DOCTRINE! WOW...what a rush....I'm serious here.

Back on my mission, the Missionary Guide had a section on this. They used an example of a missionary talking about how GC and the monthly church magazines were more and more doctrine. The Missionary GUide sated this was incorrect. GC and church Mags were not doctrine. Only what was published as part of the standards works (cannon, voted on by the members to accept) counted as doctrine. Everything else was just interpretation.

Of course, that does open a huge can of worms. Very little of modern Mormonism is actually based on what is in the standard works. The WoW today is nothing like what is in D&C 89. Almost none of the temple stuff is in there. The PoX, renunciation of polygamy, Q15 power structure, succession, the list goes on and on.

If you go by what they teach missionaries, or at least used to, the church today does not even follow their own definition of doctrine.

[Hagoth]

Q: Is this a correct and church-approved illustration of how doctrine works?

[Reuben]

Q: Is this a correct and church-approved illustration of how doctrine works?

Unfortunately no, because the illustration demonstrates success.

[Palerider]

Q: Is this a correct and church-approved illustration of how doctrine works?

Unfortunately no, because the illustration demonstrates success.

Right.

You really need a green slimer where it's sliding down the wall and the photographer just catches the top corner in the bottom of the image.

[jfro18]

Here's one I'd love to see the church answer:

Since Joseph F Smith said, as prophet,the following: "When the wife is faithful and desires to obey the divine law and the husband is rebellious, or unwilling to obey the will of the Lord, if she maintains her integrity to the best of her ability, she will be given to another husband in eternity and will receive all the blessings of the celestial kingdom."

What is the official church stance on mixed faith marriages. Will the wife be given to another man as one of his wives in the afterlife as declared by a prophet of the church? And 'it'll all work out in the end' is not an answer.

[Reuben]

Here's one I'd love to see the church answer:

Since Joseph F Smith said, as prophet,the following: "When the wife is faithful and desires to obey the divine law and the husband is rebellious, or unwilling to obey the will of the Lord, if she maintains her integrity to the best of her ability, she will be given to another husband in eternity and will receive all the blessings of the celestial kingdom."

What is the official church stance on mixed faith marriages. Will the wife be given to another man as one of his wives in the afterlife as declared by a prophet of the church? And 'it'll all work out in the end' is not an answer.

Why is it not an answer? Does it feel like a dodge, where Joseph F Smith's answer is the unspoken real answer?

[jfro18]

Here's one I'd love to see the church answer:

Since Joseph F Smith said, as prophet,the following: "When the wife is faithful and desires to obey the divine law and the husband is rebellious, or unwilling to obey the will of the Lord, if she maintains her integrity to the best of her ability, she will be given to another husband in eternity and will receive all the blessings of the celestial kingdom."

What is the official church stance on mixed faith marriages. Will the wife be given to another man as one of his wives in the afterlife as declared by a prophet of the church? And 'it'll all work out in the end' is not an answer.

Why is it not an answer? Does it feel like a dodge, where Joseph F Smith's answer is the unspoken real answer?

To me it is 100% a dodge. "It will all work out in the end" is the answer the church gives for every troubling question that they know there is just no answer for - especially when it comes to polygamy and the afterlife.

Joseph F Smith was clear as to what happens to the wife in a mixed faith marriage and no president since has contradicted it as far as I know, so I'd love to hear someone give an honest answer because I guarantee you that no current leader would have the balls to repeat Joseph F Smith's statement as truth.

[Just This Guy]

Inspired by a post by Hagoth.

If a majority of voters in Conference were to say they do not sustain the church leadership as profits, seers, and revelators, and do not sustain them as leadership, what would happen? Would the leadership be dismissed and new ones called? Would they ignore it and continue on? would they hold a recall election?

You could do this for any level of leadership throughout the church. What would happen?

[Hagoth]

"It will all work out in the end" is the answer the church gives for every troubling question that they know there is just no answer for - especially when it comes to polygamy and the afterlife.

Since that vast majority of people who have ever lived or who will ever live on this planet have absolutely no awareness of "true" church, it makes almost no sense that God would bother to put such an institution on the earth, especially considering how many times the leaders of that institution have screwed up in ways that will have to be undone by God in the next life.

The only difference such a church would make would be to bring condemnation on the few unfortunates who were unlucky enough to have been members of that church, as they will be judged more harshly than all of the rest of humankind.

We are taught that God will undo the infractions of, and damage done by the church's leaders, but the common members are offered no such amnesty.

In other words, if you are Joseph Smith or Brigham Young, or if you have never heard of Mormonism, you're probably in pretty good shape for the afterlife. The rest of chosen people are probably screwed.

[2bizE]

Question: why are certain musical instruments excluded from sacrament meeting worship?

[Hagoth]

Question: can a man-god marry so many women that he cannot have intercourse with all of them?

[Reuben]

Question: can a man-god marry so many women that he cannot have intercourse with all of them?

That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do—not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased.

Here's a related question. How many sister-wives can dance on the head of their lord?

[moksha]

I'd love to hear someone give an honest answer because I guarantee you that no current leader would have the balls to repeat Joseph F Smith's statement as truth.

I think you are wanting to hear a mormocentric answer, whereas the real answer might be "none of the above".

[Hagoth]

I think you are wanting to hear a mormocentric answer, whereas the real answer might be "none of the above".

The correct answer is that a guy-in-throne mormonish God could not do this but a real God/Goddess could create an endless universe of sex particles and be constantly engaged in continuous intercourse with every particle of it for eternity, taking time out for nectar and ambrosia and the occasional smiting, of course.