Meeting with Bishop Tonight

[Deepthinker]

Following up from my other thread, I will be meeting with my bishop tonight at 8pm. Going to try and keep it as short as possible. Tell him I need to be released, that my mental health is suffering right now. We'll see how it goes. I'll return and report tomorrow.

I'm just really ready to start transitioning away. The depression has given me a wake up call that I am not mentally able to keep going like this any longer.

[wtfluff]

Good luck.

Remember a couple things:

• It's a volunteer organization. You can stop volunteering any time.
• No. Is a complete sentence. No thanks. Works too if you want to be slightly more polite.
• You don't owe your volunteer "leader" any explanations. (I can't remember if you've already had some discussions with said "leader.")

[Red Ryder]

Good luck.

The less you say the better you'll be.

"Bishop, I'm dealing with a bout of depression and need to reduce my life responsibilities including my church calling. It's been fun, thanks for understanding. I'll see you next Sunday!"

Then fade away as needed.

[MoPag]

You've got this DT!
I would give him an end date or say something like "I taught my last GD lesson last Sunday. Thanks bye!" That way he can't string you along with "oh just wait till we find a replacement.. blah bah.."

[Brent]

As others have said you don't have to explain yourself you simply was lying cuz you're not in a position to fulfill we calling well or at all.

[blazerb]

I don't have anything to add beyond the great advice already given. Just want to wish you good luck. I still have a calling, but with much less responsibility that I used to have. It was such a relief to get out from under that burden.

[Anon70]

Good luck.

The less you say the better you'll be.

"Bishop, I'm dealing with a bout of depression and need to reduce my life responsibilities including my church calling. It's been fun, thanks for understanding. I'll see you next Sunday!"

Then fade away as needed.

This. And good luck!

[Deepthinker]

Well, it's over now and I have to say it went better than I expected. I'll try to recap.

We talked for over an hour, the first 10-15 minutes was just catching up on how life was going, work, etc. Then he asked what he could do for me. I said "Bishop, I've been going through a rough bout of depression for awhile and I'd like to be released." He said he understood and asked if I would take another calling. I said I needed a break right now and focus on my mental health, that I have been seeing a therapist.

He told me that he had been thinking of releasing me and putting me in Deacons, and asked me if I would do that. I told him that I can't right now, and he pressed a little as to why. Soooo....I took a risk and opened up about losing faith in Joseph Smith. Explained as short as I could the process I went through, how I was only looking for the truth, trying to resolve the things I had learned. He asked what the main issues were that I had, I told him BoA and polygamy/polyandry were what really sent me to questioning more, but that it was a build up of many many things.

I told him that teaching GD has been weighing heavily on me, that I don't want to be a hypocrite. He asked me to read the Book of Mormon, I said I would try again, and explained what I went through a few years ago doing that. I told him that this has been a very long process for me, not something that was overnight, and that I never intended to prove the church false. He was kind about that, saying the lord looks on the heart, he could tell I was being sincere.

He tried the "Joseph wasn't perfect" pitch and I told him that while I accept he wasn't perfect, I still can't see him in the same way. I said, it's like how I used to view Bill Cosby growing up, and told him that I'm not trying to compare Cosby to Smith. How Cosby was the model example of a good husband and father, but today I can't look at Dr Huxtable the same way no matter how I try. We kept things very civil, and I told him how much I respected him as a person, and we ended with a full hug, not just the bro hug. He told me that I'm a good man and that it took a lot of courage to come in and talk to him about this.

I asked him about my son's ordination to a deacon on Sunday, that I'm fine if he wants to do that. He left it up to me to decide if I wanted to, I said I would. I talked to him about my recommend, which is up for renewal next month, that I have an issue with answering the restoration question. He asked me point blank: "Do you believe the church Christ established is the same church we are a part of today?" I told him: "I'm not sure that it is." I wanted to say, I don't know that Christ ever established a church, but..well...I didn't. He could tell I had been trying and struggling with these things for years and said: "You don't beat a horse that's trying". He said he was fine with me keeping my recommend, that it was my decision. He said that as long as I'm trying, he's fine with that, but that what he worries about is if I decide I no longer want to try.

I didn't tell him I'm at that point, I no longer want to try. I'll save that for another time. He wanted to meet again next month and I have waaayyyy more confidence now telling him at that time.

It was a huge release for me, and I told him that even if nothing else, opening up to him was helping me. I said there is no place for someone to talk about these issues in the church, and that is the reason for the loneliness, the depression. Not feeling like I can openly be myself. He understood that and was fine if just talking to him would help, he's there for me. Overall, I think it went quite well.

[Anon70]

I’m so glad you went and it went well! I hope this helps you to continue healing and taking care of yourself. Thanks for the return and report-he sounds like a good one.

[crossmyheart]

Congratulations!

I will bet your shoulders feel so much lighter today. You definitely won the leadership roulette with your son's ordination and your temple recommend still intact. Impressive.

[Red Ryder]

Great job! I feel relieved just reading your post!

Now all you have to rely on going forward is "I'm trying the best I can Bishop!"

Today focus on the beauty of the world around you. The sky will be bluer, the clouds whiter, and the sun more vibrant. Hold onto this feeling and know that your cage door has been pushed wide open. Now it's up to you to walk away and live a more authentic life.

[wtfluff]

Glad things went well.

Hopefully you're not on the love-bombing list now (unless you want to be on that list. )

[græy]

Well done Deepthinker. I'm glad that went well and worked out for you! Our bishop is one that still hands out The Miracle of Forgiveness to anyone who comes to speak to him. Nuances are part of his gospel plan. You definitely won leadership roulette!

[Linked]

That's great! I'm glad things went well last night Deepthinker. It's nice when those discussions are friendly rather than combative. Enjoy today and good luck with tomorrow!

[jfro18]

Yea! Thanks for letting us know it went well -- nothing better than a conversation actually going better than feared.

So glad you have some space now to process and deal with everything, and as you said now the next meeting you can be more confident in whatever you want to discuss.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

Well navigated deepthinker! It's tough to come up with good NOM responses on the fly especially not knowing how the Bishop will treat you. You did well.

[MerrieMiss]

I'm glad to hear this went so well. Get some rest and enjoy whatever comes next!

[slavereeno]

Nicely done.

[azflyer]

Good luck.

The less you say the better you'll be.

"Bishop, I'm dealing with a bout of depression and need to reduce my life responsibilities including my church calling. It's been fun, thanks for understanding. I'll see you next Sunday!"

Then fade away as needed.

This is good advice. I've opened up to two bishops about my feelings. I told the first bishop that I did not believe in the historicity of the BOM. He was totally cool with it and supported me in my calling (that I wanted to keep).

When we moved into another ward, I opened up ever so slightly to my new bishop and I think my family has paid the price for it ever since. This same bishop took my wife's TR away because she confided some level of disbelief.

The less you say to church leaders, the better.

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EDIT

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Looks like you had a "bishop #1" kind of response. I'm glad to hear it went well.

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

You would think church leaders would be cautious about recommending people read the Book of Mormon...after all when Nephi thought God was talking to him he beheaded his church leader.