Utah researcher: theory of religious influences in Utah LGBT suicides may be overblown

[jfro18]

Today at school one of my DD's friends overheard a conversation wherein a girl was accusing my DD of being a lesbian; which she is not. The girl spreading this rumor is from a TBM family from the local ward. We've had problems with all of our daughters being bullied or made fun of or being left out of the clicks in three wards different wards in this stake that we attended as TBMs over the past several years. This girl spreading the rumors today is one of the worst.

I'm so sorry to hear this - definitely sending hugs your way.

My sister was bullied in HS and that was back when the only real ways to do it online were AOL Instant Messenger, but I remember my mom just not knowing what to do. It was a lot of the same stuff you see today - spreading rumors and then messaging her to ask about them, etc.

My brother teaches middle school and he said in the 15 years he's been doing it that girls are just getting worse and worse with that stuff. His daughter is in middle school now and he's terrified because he's seen so much of it.

I hope you can get some results to get that stopped - it is such a horrible problem regardless of church/state/etc and I wish kids had more empathy/kindness/etc for each other because they'll (almost all) regret doing it years later.

[Red Ryder]

Jonathan Haidt just did a podcast with Joe Rogan and they get into this discussion about kids/girls bullying via rumor and social media and even talk about the high rates of anxiety and depression amongst teenagers. He pinpoints it to the rise in iPhones/smart phones and social media at the junior high level and really takes off around 2014. It was eye opening to say the least.

It's episode 1221 on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast.

I'll see if I can find some of his study material and slides he mentioned in the podcast.

[græy]

The incident today is just one of many we've had to deal with, beginning in Jr. High to now.

I'm sorry to hear about this too. I feel so bad for kids going through school these days. It has never been easy, and social media has only made it worse. My kids are just approaching middle-school age so we haven't hit the worst of it yet, but I am afraid for them. Please hug your daughter for all of us and let her know there are many who are on her side, no matter what.

[Thoughtful]

To take it a step further, how often is a kid gay and no one knows and the takes that secret to their grave? There is so much same and social pressure built up around it that a kid may take their life and never reveal the real reason for it. I know at that is impossible to track by definition, but it is at least a possibility.

One of the most heart breaking stories I heard about this issue was from Wendy Montgomery of the Mama Dragons. She has met with many law enforcement officers in Utah who have attended to the grieving families of suicides. Some of the desperate, sobbing families will plead with the officer to put down the "cause of death" to be accidental poisoning. Families don't want their family narrative to be eternally dragged down by "suicide" in their family, especially if their child might have been "Experiencing Same Sex Attraction."

Attending officers are sometimes emotionally swayed by these requests, but would be in enormous trouble to change their story after the fact. In essesnce, the suicide rate would be higher in Utah, although we don't know by how much.

I don't think this is unique to Utah. I've seen the same issue in my community, in and out of the church. There is a lot of stigma, and sometimes you just don't know. Was it accidental OD. Was it an accidental OD with an addiction that was a slow suicide?

There is evidence that having family NOT accept your sexual orientation can cause suicide ideation. So there's certainly face validity to being LDS impacting suicide rates in LGBT. Especially with Oaks around.

[Thoughtful]

Today at school one of my DD's friends overheard a conversation wherein a girl was accusing my DD of being a lesbian; which she is not. The girl spreading this rumor is from a TBM family from the local ward. We've had problems with all of our daughters being bullied or made fun of or being left out of the clicks in three wards different wards in this stake that we attended as TBMs over the past several years. This girl spreading the rumors today is one of the worst.

DD came home from school early, mostly for monthly girl reasons but also because she was upset about the rumors spread by this snotty little beauch. Our DD has had depression and issues with suicide in the past and continues to struggle socially at the high school. DW and I discussed sending the parents a copy of the Utah studies about teen suicide and bullying, along with a copy of that stupid theme the TBM YW have to recite and ask them what their daughter is doing to contribute to the problem of Teen suicide and bullying or what she could be doing to help with it! We are at a point we are ready to home school or look to a private/charter school. The incident today is just one of many we've had to deal with, beginning in Jr. High to now.

I'm so sorry. This is really stressful and terrifying. Does your DD have a safety plan?

I have worked in prevention for years and it's really difficult with teens because things go wrong and they just spiral. With the media, 13 reasons, etc, something bad happens and that's where their mind goes. So many kids have these thoughts. Im happy to offer whatever supprt I can via online.

[Raylan Givens]

DD came home from school early, mostly for monthly girl reasons but also because she was upset about the rumors spread by this snotty little beauch. Our DD has had depression and issues with suicide in the past and continues to struggle socially at the high school. DW and I discussed sending the parents a copy of the Utah studies about teen suicide and bullying, along with a copy of that stupid theme the TBM YW have to recite and ask them what their daughter is doing to contribute to the problem of Teen suicide and bullying or what she could be doing to help with it! We are at a point we are ready to home school or look to a private/charter school. The incident today is just one of many we've had to deal with, beginning in Jr. High to now.

I teach in a junior high. I am really worried about our girls. I am hearing so much contempt and meanness that seems to never stop. With the social media at hand, it never does.

Like RR mentioned, I listened to Jonathan Haidt in a few places and he paints a grim picture for the girls. With social media and call out culture being a driving force for the increase in anxiety and depression in junior high. Especially with the girls. I have more kids with a 504 accommodation for anxiety it is unbelievable and also very challenging when you have kids that seem paralyzed with self doubt and worried about saving face

I am a firm believer that social media and playing Fortnight every night until 3:00 am is messing things up more than anything else.

I am still confused why it is hitting the mountain west so hard.

I am happy that Red Ribbon week is putting less focus on drugs and focusing more on kindness and getting help for depression. Red Ribbon has never been affective against drugs.

For those in the Mordor, the SafeUT app is a must if your kid has a cell phone. Have them report abnormal behavior in their friends, we have had two suicides averted by vigilant friends using the app.

Much more effective than the LDS Tools app....

Sent from my PH-1 using Tapatalk

[RubinHighlander]

Does your DD have a safety plan?

I have worked in prevention for years and it's really difficult with teens because things go wrong and they just spiral. With the media, 13 reasons, etc, something bad happens and that's where their mind goes. So many kids have these thoughts. Im happy to offer whatever supprt I can via online.

Thank you Thoughtful!

She's getting used to this bad behavior. The worst of the bullying was in Jr. High and first year in HS. We've dealt with that girl. I'm hoping we are on the downhill slide with one more year.

[Thoughtful]

Does your DD have a safety plan?

I have worked in prevention for years and it's really difficult with teens because things go wrong and they just spiral. With the media, 13 reasons, etc, something bad happens and that's where their mind goes. So many kids have these thoughts. Im happy to offer whatever supprt I can via online.

Thank you Thoughtful!

She's getting used to this bad behavior. The worst of the bullying was in Jr. High and first year in HS. We've dealt with that girl. I'm hoping we are on the downhill slide with one more year.

Good luck. It's very hard but it does get better.