Merry Christmas NOMinees

[moksha]

What better time than Yule to make merry and wish you all a joyous Christmas. Break out the Wassel and hoist that picture of the red-headed girl up to the mistletoe. Have you been naughty, nice or just yourselves? No matter, all is forgiven at the South Pole!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wK60zxmctI

Santa and the Twelve Apostles

'Twas the night before Smithmas, when all through the compound
Where the candy was sour, including the horehound;
The tithing envelops were hung by the office with care,
In hopes that the Bishop soon would be there;

The children were nestled at home in their beds,
While visions of video games played in their heads;
And mom in her garments, and me with mine too,
Had just settled down to try something new.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window, I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The inflatable Santa was a quivering below
When the gush from a north wind started to blow,
With weather like this that was increasingly hostile,
There appeared a sleigh, and Quorum of Apostles,

With a little old driver, holding a can of Fanta,
I knew in a moment it must be Santa.
More rapid than eagles these Apostles came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, BALLARD! now, HOLLAND! now, UCHTDORF and ANDERSEN!
On, BEDNAR! on COOK! on, RASBAND and CHRISTOFERSON!
To the top of the stairs! to the bottom of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So, up to the house-top the Apostles they flew,
With a sleigh full of claims, and Santa too.

And then, in a twinkling, without drinking Wassel
The prancing and posing of each saintly Apostle.
As I drew in my hand and was turning around,
Down the chimney, Santa came with a bound.

He was dressed in Armani, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were stuffed with cookies and loot;
A bundle of claims he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a scowl,
And his clean-shaven skin had mighty long jowls;

He was slender and svelte, a most pious elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And emptied the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to the Apostles gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
HAPPY SMITHMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!

[Angel]

Merry Christmas Moksha!!

OK - one good Christmas story deserves another - pull the little ones up round the Tannenbaum, light the fire -

... Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a mighty hunter whose name was Nimrod. Nimrod (and his mother - who was also his wife - whose name was Semiramis) was an evil evil apostate man who led many away from the true church of God. Nimrod and his little band of robboers went roaming around the countryside terrorizing more than a few villages... Well, the raping and pillaging lasted for awhile, and finally a few towns people caught up with old Nimrod, and put him to death - but the story does not end there, Oh no - the story is just beginning! You see Nimrod was wanted in so many different towns, and the towns being neighborly and on good terms with one another and all - the little town who killed him wanted the others to know he was finally dead. This is the fun part that turns into Christmas (yes, this is the true Christmas story boys and girls - Jesus was not born in December... want to know what we are really celebrating on the shortest day of the year??) So the little town takes Nimrods dead body, cuts it up into a bunch of different pieces, and sends the pieces out to all of the other towns so everyone knows Nimrod is finally dead. Well - Semiramis - Nimrod's wife/mother - she is not having it. (Did I mention she was a satanic witch?) So....

On the shortest day of the year, when the days are cold and dark, Semiramis brings her followers together, and in a drunken orgie they perform a resurrection for Nimrod. The ceremony starts with cutting down an evergreen tree - that beautiful noble tree that does not shed its leaves in the winter - the tree that never dies - they cut down the tree, and cut it into pieces, just as Nimrod had been cut into pieces, and then light it on fire (yule log) - a beautiful "bone-fire" with a few other things mixed into it.... Then, when all the minions but Semiramis have drifted off into drug-induced commas for the night, Semiramis "resurrects" the tree, and decorates it in glorious splendor - with fruits and candy, candles and flowers. The next morning, to everyone's surprise - there is the tree they burned the night before - now resurrected in all its glory!! And not only that, but their valiant efforts have brought the sun back into the sky - from that time onward, the days start getting longer, the winter starts to end, and a new year has begun.

Ever wonder why we draw Satan with horns and a tail? Nimrod the mighty hunter liked to wear the skins of the animals he killed...

So then the Catholics want to convert the pagans, and they don't want to take away the pagan holidays so.... you know, Merry Christmas everyone!!!



Don't believe me? Google it... there are a few different version, (above is what I was taught as a child
example - https://ahayahyashiyaisraelitesunite.wo ... christmas/

[Corsair]

What better time than Yule to make merry and wish you all a joyous Christmas. Break out the Wassel and hoist that picture of the red-headed girl up to the mistletoe. Have you been naughty, nice or just yourselves? No matter, all is forgiven at the South Pole!

I sincerely hope that your poetic talents can be used in a forum where you don't have to maintain anonymity. This poem was a merry gift to us all.

[wtfluff]

Happy Winter Solstice!

[Random]

Christmas 4.jpg (69.71 KiB) Viewed 4256 times

[MoPag]

Best poem ever!!! And thanks for the story Angel!

MerrySolstice.png (243.21 KiB) Viewed 4245 times

[crazyhamster]

Moksha, that is brilliant!

A merry Christmas and a very cool Yule to all you guys! I may not post much nowadays, but I do keep following up to see what’s going on.

[moksha]

Gift of the MAGA

[Hagoth]

God bless us, every one!

[2bizE]

Merry Christmas, happy winter solstice, and happy festivus (for the rest of us).

[moksha]

"The Greatest Story Ever Told"
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