I'm about to be officially "outed": NOM Crowd-Sourcing

[Somegirl]

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I have missed a few of my siblings weddings, but I had good excuses (brand new nursing baby) and siblings weddings aren’t the same as kids. I hope you can enjoy the day! I’m sure it will be draining with all of the looks and/or questions from relatives. Hopefully each day after will be easier and easier.

[IT_Veteran]

I actually enjoy not having to be subjected to a repetitive bad movie and cos play! Not having to do a TR interview is pretty damn nice as well!

Almost as nice as zero hour church!

[Lithium Sunset]

For some reason I thought you were less entangled with the church now. Haha, they got the situations out of you pretty quickly...
I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’ve had to sit in the waiting room - the shame of marrying a non-member.
Good Luck tomorrow, I’ll be thinking about you. You will have to let us know how it goes for sure.

[wtfluff]

For some reason I thought you were less entangled with the church now.

Personally, "I" am less entangled with the church. My oldest child and her mother are however still entangled. I made a lame attempt to get the kids to marry civilly, as I am not the "only" blood relative that will be on the outside, and I clung to a glimmer of hope for way too long, but alas, the brain-washing runs too deep, and invisible absentee sky daddy wins this time.

I've been repeating: "I'm allergic to fake, green silk" over and over in my head, when I'm not repeating: "Those mirrors really creep me out" all day today.

Time to lay awake all night thinking about it now...

[StarbucksMom]

Wtfluff, I am so deeply sorry. It is so completely absurd and disgusting that a mother or father who...
walked the halls at night with a sick child, taught them to ride a bike, drove them to countless activities, cheered them on at school events, held them while they cried, laughed with them at all their silly 3 year old sayings and crazy teen stories, worked a job day after day to feed and clothe them....
are told by their cult parading as a church that they will NOT BE ALLOWED TO ATTEND THEIR CHILD'S WEDDING. How they are still brainwashing people into thinking this is normal and ok in freaking 2018 is truly mind boggling. Sending hugs.

[wtfluff]

Return and Report™:

Diarrhea didn't show up to save me...


It turned out to be a wonderful day.

And wouldn't you know it, my "prediction" came true:

Will "they ask?" I really don't know. As I mentioned, my family would earn a gold medal in passive aggressive mormon behavior if it were an olympic sport. I'm not sure any of my actual siblings will ask.

Not. One. Question. Not from a sibling, not from an in-law, not a nosy aunt or otherwise. I'm surprised, yet not surprised. My confirmation bias tells me that there were some sad looks in some eyes, and some slight probing during normal conversation, and a few folks seemed a bit more "stand-offish" but it really, likely is just my confirmation bias.

Now the question is: will anyone breach the subject in the future? A phone call? An email? My guess is likely not. As I said, the rumors will fly, and now I've just been moved from the "sharing rumors" bucket to the "I am the rumor" bucket in the family. I will likely know for sure when I don't get the "Fast and pray for [other non-believing sibling]" emails.

My elderly mother was unable to attend any of the festivities. How long will it take for the rumors to travel? Will the sadness and devastation of "another empty chair" kill her? Would me having the most difficult conversation of my (and possibly her) life be better than the "don't talk about it" status quo of my family?

As always, my NOM Mantra abides: "What Now?"

I did take the opportunity to pull my in-laws aside and apologize for excluding them from their daughter's (my wife's) nuptials, and I apologized via proxy for two of their other kids, two of their grand-kids, and four or more of the to-be-married-in-the-future grand-kids. They of course instantly replied: "It's not your fault". I don't remember the exact wording of the the rest of the conversation was, something like: No matter who's fault it is/was, we really didn't realize what we were doing and how awful it is. The church doesn't do this to family's in many other countries all over the world, and it's just not right that they do it here. Then I said something like: Honestly, you're not missing that much because the temple ceremony is kind of creepy, so let's enjoy the upcoming ring ceremony which will be more memorably and personal than what happens in the temple (it did turn out awesome.) Of course, this was an extremely emotional (spiritual?) experience. I guess calling the cult out on it's heinous, exclusionary practices is True™.


So, even though I didn't get to use any witty replies, this has been (for me at least) a very fun and entertaining thread. I'm still "allergic to fake green silk", and "those mirrors are (still) really creepy", and if anyone actually asks, I'm still likely going to use something from this thread to reply.

Many, many many thanks to those NOMies who visited in person yesterday and listened to be blubber/gave me a shoulder to cry on.

[jfro18]

You're a better person than me and I'm glad you were able to make the best of the day.

There have been a number of events in my life where I spend days preparing answers for things (not just church related), and almost never do they actually come up in conversation. People tend to avoid uncomfortable discussions, especially when they are afraid of hearing the truth.

I'm just glad it went as good as it could for you and that you made it through in one piece.

[Lithium Sunset]

It turned out to be a wonderful day.

My elderly mother was unable to attend any of the festivities. How long will it take for the rumors to travel? Will the sadness and devastation of "another empty chair" kill her? Would me having the most difficult conversation of my (and possibly her) life be better than the "don't talk about it" status quo of my family?

I'm still likely going to use something from this thread to reply.

Many, many many thanks to those NOMies who visited in person yesterday and listened to be blubber/gave me a shoulder to cry on.

Ah, I am so glad you can use the word “wonderful” to describe yesterday! Mom... now there is a whole other bag of worries. I wouldn’t say anything and if she asks, use what one said- not currently worshiping at that level right now. In fact I would bold face lie to an elderly mother. (Hi grandma).
As for your siblings, being talked about behind your back sucks but I think it’s best to let them wonder and live your days true to yourself. Too obvious haha? I am SO GLAD you got real life support!

Thanks for the report back! Relieved for you. And glad you didn’t have diarrhea haha.

Oh, I almost forgot. I don’t have the stomach to watch it but a friend posted it on facebook yestarday and your comment about your in laws made me think of it. It probably belongs in it’s own thread but I am not going to head that up since I don’t want to watch it.
https://youtu.be/Fd8tVXN9y6Q It’s the church’s view of the ceremony for non-members

[Hagoth]

https://youtu.be/Fd8tVXN9y6Q It’s the church’s view of the ceremony for non-members

They should just cut out the middle man and link directly to NewNameNoah's videos.