Discussions toward a better understanding of LDS doctrine, history, and culture. Discussion of Christianity, religion, and faith in general is welcome.
I was at the airport last night picking up a relative. While I was waiting for her arrival, I witnessed two missionary homecomings. The scenes for both were perfect. All characters were present. Nervous moms, proud and stoic dads, feeble grandmas and grandpas, siblings playing off to the side – part of the event yet separate, young women holding signs and balloons, and ward members holding flags. Both groups were stationed at the same gate, both eagerly anticipating the return of their hero. It was electric, energetic, almost frantic. The first missionary appeared, a cheer erupted, gasps, clapping, then hugs and more hugs. The second missionary materialized, cheers, gasps, clapping, hugs. It was their moment. I stood on the outside looking in, watching, contemplating. It was just over a year ago our little family had our moment at the same airport as our son returned from his mission. It was just over 30 years ago I returned from my mission to that same airport. During these moments, it is not about a rock in a hat, or a self-proclaimed prophet marrying teenagers, or the blatant racism, or the shifting narrative, or the lies. It is about something else, something deceptively appealing. The direct and indirect messages of the church are numerous and some can be alluring, charming, pleasing, even tempting. They appeal to basic human emotions and needs. They can be hard to reject and abandon. As I stood at the airport witnessing the happy faces of these homecomings I asked myself the question, “If I could erase all the ugly information I have learned about the church, if I could hit a reset button and go back to blissful ignorance, would I… would I… would I?” Frankly, that is a question I cannot answer, but the reality is a reset button does not exist. The ugly facts remain. The deceptive foundation persists. Knowing what I know, I cannot go back. I can no longer embrace the church and culture of my youth, my heritage, my life. I must move forward and resist even that which is deceptively appealing.
This is one of the great tools used by the church and other con operators.
The admixture of positive human emotional reaction with subtly corrupt doctrines of men to achieve a desired end.
I've said for a long time the church is a tree that has some good fruits but has had bad fruit grafted in on the same tree. When bad fruit becomes evident people want to ignore it or make excuses for it. They become ENABLERS who live in denial of the bad fruit.
The culture that is so engrained draws out the need in the human psyche for acceptance, glory, and heroes. A sizable payoff for minimal risk.
The tradition reminds me of the military but with much less risk. True, the extremely rare case occurs where a missionary dies doing the "work", but I wonder how long church members would support the program if say 25% of missionaries came home in a box?
Supposedly the church would still be true, right? The imperative to spread the gospel would still be there, right? Church members would still be obligated by covenant to obey leadership and give "all" to the church, right?
So why do I get the feeling that volunteers for missionary service would drop precipitously if there was a good chance one's son or daughter could come back dead?
And this is true in all aspects of church culture. The risks are relatively benign.
What is really of CRITICAL IMPORTANCE to the church is that little, slightly painful 10% divet that your pocketbook takes every paycheck.
It isn't like a shark that's going to kill you with one fatal, extremely painful, flesh and bone shredding bite. It's that annoying leach that once attached, injects a chemical to deaden the pain and keep blood flowing. A disgusting parasite that will slowly drain the life force out of you over time while you think you're living in a tropical Paradise.
"There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily."
"Truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to bring it to light."
During these moments, it is not about a rock in a hat, or a self-proclaimed prophet marrying teenagers, or the blatant racism, or the shifting narrative, or the lies. It is about something else, something deceptively appealing. The direct and indirect messages of the church are numerous and some can be alluring, charming, pleasing, even tempting. They appeal to basic human emotions and needs.
It's not about prophets and apostles and faith and personal revelation. It's about deception. They appeal to basic human emotions and needs to deceive. Once you see this play out over and over the appealing parts don't stick out anymore.
Swallow the red pill and don't throw up!
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy
“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga
“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg
I just was saying to my therapist yesterday how angry I feel that I cannot have both my integrity and my community & heritage. That child sexual abuse is the cultural norm that "we" (lds) do not speak of, and by my speaking of it, and saying it will not happen to my daughter, I have disappeared without anyone even missing me.
I think it is telling that this bit of sentiment about how good the church can feel is no longer part of the church. This is a pre 9-11 homecoming. Homecoming missionaries are no longer greeted by cheering crowds at the terminal. Family can’t go through security. And baggage claim just doesn’t lend itself to parties, so the church has now forbidden this kind of group at the airport. Post 9-11 only immediate family goes to the airport, I know because my family was slapped with the change and I had to tell all friends and relatives they could not go to the airport. Now the church recommends no gatherings or celebrations until after the missionary is released by the SP, no crowds at sacrament for a homecoming, no real celebration of missionaries at all. It is like a funeral, unless it is preaching, you don’t get to do it. The church no longer celebrates family or family functions. It is now all about the church.
I see the members quietly rebelling, with things like, OK, if we can’t celebrate missionary homecomings, we will have a BIG celebration for the kid’s baptism. So, baptisms have gone from something that the grandparents don’t bother to show up to, into something that the family plans for six months and sends out embossed invitations, with photos making the girl look like a bride in front of the temple. Puke.
alas wrote: ↑Sun Oct 28, 2018 10:01 am
This is a pre 9-11 homecoming. Homecoming missionaries are no longer greeted by cheering crowds at the terminal.
Alas, they absolutely are, they just wait out past the security gate. My oldest is a college sophomore, and our Facebook friends are posting the calls and the homecoming videos. I've watched them and felt much the same way as the the reddit author - how appealing! I am now happily Lutheran in a very progressive church and perhaps we'll do a "homecoming" if one of my children does a Lutheran mission (1 year, more like the peace corps and living in community, no proselytizing).
“I, along with colleagues, and drawing from years of research, have found the evidence employed to support traditional Mormon claims to be either non-existent or problematic. In other words, it didn’t all happen the way we’ve been told.” -GP
alas wrote: ↑Sun Oct 28, 2018 10:01 am
This is a pre 9-11 homecoming. Homecoming missionaries are no longer greeted by cheering crowds at the terminal.
Alas, they absolutely are, they just wait out past the security gate. My oldest is a college sophomore, and our Facebook friends are posting the calls and the homecoming videos. I've watched them and felt much the same way as the the reddit author - how appealing! I am now happily Lutheran in a very progressive church and perhaps we'll do a "homecoming" if one of my children does a Lutheran mission (1 year, more like the peace corps and living in community, no proselytizing).
Yep, in SLC right as you come off the escalator toward baggage.
alas wrote: ↑Sun Oct 28, 2018 10:01 am
This is a pre 9-11 homecoming. Homecoming missionaries are no longer greeted by cheering crowds at the terminal.
Alas, they absolutely are, they just wait out past the security gate. My oldest is a college sophomore, and our Facebook friends are posting the calls and the homecoming videos. I've watched them and felt much the same way as the the reddit author - how appealing! I am now happily Lutheran in a very progressive church and perhaps we'll do a "homecoming" if one of my children does a Lutheran mission (1 year, more like the peace corps and living in community, no proselytizing).
Yep, in SLC right as you come off the escalator toward baggage.
So, they are disobeying the instructions that only immediate family go to the airport to pick them up? I am not too surprised. Members need to be allowed to celebrate such events. And we need to go back to sacrament meetings dedicated to the missionary and family.
Yes, with the SLC airport the kind of groups there were when my brothers came home from their missions 50 years ago is physically impossible. I mean, the welcome group would fill up the terminal. I think that kind of group of several hundred at the airport is why the church wanted to end the practice.
The most I have ever seen waiting in SLC is immediate family and maybe grandparents. But I do remember the huge groups and teen girls with balloons.
So, my son of course told us no group at the airport because he would not break the rules.
Maybe I'm the lucky exception but for me its easy a "No". I'm pretty fortunate. I'm 38, single, no kids, and have a pretty accepting and supporting family. I didn't loose any friends during my faith transition and actually became much closer to many who were in a similar place.
I find the world and life far more interesting and exciting now. So many unknowns and so much fascinating mystery. I'm content to search for truth knowing most of my questions will never be answered. Even as a TBM i remember thinking, "Is this all there is? There has to be more than this."
Looking back at the years before my shelf collapsed, the church didn't work well for me. I wasn't married, didn't have kids, found singles wards to be depressing, and was the odd man out at family wards. I didn't really have a place in the church. No I can find a wife and start a family without all the baggage.
I'm easily happier and have a richer life than I did in the church. So for me its a big NO.
I liked that Reddit post and it made me pause. Part of the huge unknown in our personal alternate histories is that this is a false dichotomy between "faithful believer" and "heretical apostate". Certainly most of us have had the disappointed eye of believing friends and family solemnly wonder what we might have done in the church if we had stayed faithful. I remain an active member of my ward and I suspect there are ward members who think I might be a good bishop going forward.
However, there are the huge number of other options that might have made our lives radically different. Suppose some smart and persuasive Evangelical convinced you to join a Southern Baptist congregation in your teenage years. Suppose some smart and persuasive atheist had convinced you. Perhaps a kind and persuasive Islamic friend might have convinced you to dedicate your life to Allah. There is a long list of possibilities.
For me, I am distinctly happier to know a much, much fuller history than was ever presented in Sunday School or in the Saints book. The big family events in the airport are great, but I have the benefit of already experiencing that and now I can enjoy seeing my children become productive adults without any regret that they attend an LDS ward regularly. My wife's parents did get to see my nephew triumphantly return from a mission and marry in the temple. But then they have to consistenly endure the regret of knowing that my Lesbian daughter married her girlfriend. The complicating factor for the believeing parents and grandparents is that the faithful nephew and his new wife and best of friends with his Lesbian cousin and her wife. I regret nothing.
To be completely cynical about the experience of a missionary returning home. Yes,when a child returns home from a mission the joy experienced during the reunion crowds out rocks in a hats, policies that are hard to swallow, culturally enforced allegiance to church leaders, overburdening expectations placed on members, etc. but it's still a manufactured byproduct of cultural expectations.
The reunion is so sweet because the separation was so bitter. The separation was made all the more bitter by the draconian mission rules regulating familial contact with missionaries down to near nothing.
Would I hit the reset button? No. When I was an orthodox believer trying to live up to the expectations of others was absolutely killing me. I needed a jolt to my system to learn the valuable lesson of being able to say "no" every once in a while and that saying "no" wasn't a personal shortcoming.
We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.
– Anais Nin
