Engaged at 18, but still going on mission??

[wolfpackpilot]

Hello everyone...

First, is this a new website? My old login didn't work. I was active on here a lot 2 years ago.

Anyway... I was never mormon, but the wife was (widowed), and has been out for close to two years now. We recently went to a family eagle scout award and found out that:

Our 18 year old eagle scout nephew is engaged (ring and all) to the Bishops psychotic daughter (who is 17)!!! Im not making this up folks. This girl is seriously off her rocker, and the mother (bishops wife) has a very unhealthy relationship with the nephew. According to the nephews mother (my sister-in-law) he gave her the ring after speaking to the bishop because she can't handle him being gone for two years, and the bishop approved this whole thing as a way of keeping her sane while he's gone.

The wife and I thought is was a HUGE no no to be engaged before a mission? This particular ward is big, and the bishop is a psychiatrist for the US Army down at Ft Bragg. Can someone shed some light on this? Have things changed? Beyond this little hoebag being pregnant, we are in total shock. The nephew is an good kid and he's throwing his life away with this girl.

Merry Christmas to you all....

[Red Ryder]

Hey Pilot!

Glad to see you found us. It is a new site. The old site went down without any warning and seems to have gone on vacation. So a new site was created.

I'm wondering if the engagement ring is just a ploy by the Bishop father to keep the girl occupied while the boy goes in his mission. Most missionaries that leave a girl behind end up getting "Dear John" letters sometime in their mission. Or worse, no letter but instead a wedding announcement.

I'm not sure about the technicalities of the rule, but it seems that it's a little too soon for an engagement. Hopefully both kids can grow up in the next two years and evaluate their relationship when he's home.

Glad to see you stop by to say hi.

[alas]

About 40-50 years ago, it was quite common. Back 100 years ago, it was common for the missionaries to be married before going, so in a 50 year period, changing to only being engaged was not such a stretch. Then the church decided that the missionaries got too heart sick and the church started discouraging it. Gradually, the church got more discouraging of even having a girlfriend before going.

Back when it was not actively discouraged it was seen as a way to get RM married quickly and lots of bad marriages started off this way. The couple were too young, they had been apart and going in different directions, and they were doing what the church wanted and marrying too soon rather than risking sin.

Now, the church pressure has a different set of problems. Before his mission, a guy isn't even supposed to date the same girl, and I have even heard only group dates encouraged to prevent any pairing off or girl friends. So, the guy never has a girl friend. Leaves for two years and then is expected to find a wife. He doesn't have enough experience one on one with the opposite sex, and has no clue what he wants in a wife, and because of the pressure to marry, he often chooses badly.

So, in my opinion, both approaches have their bad consequences. I think nature did not intend for an artificial two year period of complete celibacy.

[Silver Girl]

So glad to see you here, WolfPack! I went under a different name on the old site (I am no longer "scared" that the church is fake - I am convinced of it).

I don't know the church-based answers to your question, but it does not sound healthy for either of those kids. Your nephew will be very conflicted while being on the mission (which might be okay for other reasons), and the girl will be focused on something that may never come to pass. If they do get married one day, will he do that out of a sense of obligation? They could have a lot of babies before things get sorted out...

[wolfpackpilot]

Thanks guys.. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. UGH.

Glad to see NOM still up and running. I know it has been a safe haven for so many people to come and find shelter through a transition.

I am still available to anyone who was never mormon but married to one. Although she decided to leave to the church, and we are long separated from what was our LIFE back then... we still remember all the raw emotional feelings Mormonism brought into our relationship.

Love ya all...

Wolf

[Brent]

It's a long standing tradition to get "engaged" (publicly or secretly) before a mission and the root of the classic "Dear John" tradition. Think about when you were 18 and thought your were in love--would you want to go to some foreign place, live in close proximity of other young men, dress identically, and live the rigid rules of the mission? Mind you that your GF is graduating High School and entering the "dating pool" with a bunch of young men who've completed their service and are ready to...move forward with their lives?

If your nephew didn't have the hope of her "waiting" he probably would not risk leaving.

[trophywife26.2]

Welcome back! I don't think the "engagement" will last and the Bishop/father probably doesn't think it will either.

[Hagoth]

Welcome to NOM 2.0, Wolfpackpilot.

(and you too, Brent)

[Hermey]

WPP, cheers!

[Corsair]

Welcome back! I don't think the "engagement" will last and the Bishop/father probably doesn't think it will either.

This situation sounds like an immature power play on the part of someone who has entirely unrealistic expectations.. It is a rare engagement that survives a two year mission. Usually one or both parties gains enough maturity and life experience to know that this "engagement" is a bad idea and it ends with some amount of drama. The advice that is commonly (but informally) given to missionaries is to not have a serious girlfriend back home. The inevitable break up results in lost productivity and unnecessary drama, especially for the missionary companion who often has to be the emotional sounding board for Elder Heartbroken.

[gr8 team]

... The nephew is an good kid and he's throwing his life away with this girl.

.

I wouldn't say he's throwing his life away. If the girl is as crazy as you make her sound, she'll probably end the engagement long before the two years are up. Well, that or she'll obsess even more about him while he's gone. I guess you never know. Still, a lot can happen in two years and engagements are not binding in any way. Hopefully, the dude didn't spend too much on the ring. So again, he's not really throwing his life away. On the other hand, there is an argument to be made that the two years out on the mission will be two years of his life thrown away.