General Conference Predictions

[Palerider]

D&C 1:38
...whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

Mmmmm......Right.....


Brigham Young:

"When all the other children of Adam have had the privilege of receiving the priesthood and of coming into the Kingdom of God and of being redeemed from the four quarters of the earth, and have received their resurrection from the dead, then it will be time enough to remove the curse from Cain and his posterity."

Or this:

"The moment we consent to mingle with the seed of Cain the Church must go to destruction, - we should receive the curse which has been placed upon the seed of Cain, and never more be numbered with the children of Adam who are heirs to the priesthood until that curse be removed."

Or this?

"When our father Adam came into the garden of Eden, he came into it with a celestial body, and brought Eve, one of his wives, with him. He helped to make and organize this world. He is MICHAEL, the Archangel, the ANCIENT OF DAYS! about whom holy men have written and spoken – He is our FATHER and our GOD, and the only God with whom WE have to do."

As an aside, have you ever noticed how close the word "Mahonri" is to the word "Mahoning"?

Sidney Rigdon associated with leading members of the Mahoning Baptist Association, the forerunner of the restorationist Disciples of Christ movement.

Yeah, Sidney was a part of a restorationist movement before he was involved in Mormonism.

I wonder where that word "Mahonri" really came from?

[Corsair]

Forget all these two hour block and temple sealing after civil marriage pipe dreams - the Church is in retrenchment mode, and is not feeling particularly progressive these days.

To paraphrase Sheriff Brody, "We're going to need a stiffer drink" when we go through the first weekend of October.

[Hagoth]

D&C 1:38
...whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

If only there was any way of knowing who they are. I'm putting my money on Blue Oyster Cult.

[Hagoth]

Forget all these two hour block and temple sealing after civil marriage pipe dreams - the Church is in retrenchment mode, and is not feeling particularly progressive these days.

To paraphrase Sheriff Brody, "We're going to need a stiffer drink" when we go through the first weekend of October.

Part of me is hoping they'll pull out some real WTF policies intended to weed out the fence-sitters, but that will weed out the people who still have a grip on reality:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Dnm8N9JbvU

[jfro18]

They're getting excited over on the faithful reddit:

"At the leadership meeting at stake conference, the visiting general authority said, "if you thought April Conference was exciting with changes, then buckle up for October." Then later he discussed the need in the church to "reduce and simplify.".... Two hour church?"

And then this...

From a trusted source, I heard it was:
1. Civil Marriage before temple sealings will be encouraged and no 1 year grace for sealing. (Yay, families come first). I believe this will be the referenced “shake some testimonies” change.
2. Service missions as an option instead of tradition for all missionaries. Time period missionaries are out there can be flexible (18 month for men, 24 for women type thing)
3. Two hour block pushed out to more wards and is outwardly discusses after many stake trials.
4. Youth program changes to an every other week schedule like Achievement Days and more info on youth programs
5. Paid janitorial staff for church cleaning using real cleaning solution (I threw this one in, please make this happen Nelson)

[StarbucksMom]

10 hours of boring meetings, put on by a giant real-estate corporation, for their convention they have every 6 months, where a bunch of out-of-touch octogenarians talk about each other.

Wow, what the fluff, best summary of GC ever.

They'll announce a new 12-step doubt recovery program that centers on repentance and faith in the church.

Elder Anderson will be in full-on cult mode.

"Before you question the church, question your questions."

So, I actually think the 2 hour thing is possible. I told my TBM husband about it and he said “Pres Nelson would be everyone’s most favorite prophet ever.” But I think it could happen because so many people are leaving, and many cite that the 3 hour block is exhausting and they need more time for family, rest, etc etc. Yes there’s the history stuff, but I think some people would still go if it wasn’t a full 3 hours. Also, they wouldn’t have to build as many new churches if they could cram more 2 hour wards in buildings. $$$ talks.

Also, along with the $$$ thing, I had this thought about Ho Lee’s prediction about tea. I think they could say green tea is ok, cuz potential tithe payers in Asia. (Since the Africans are getting baptized but not helping purchase land in Florida.) I think missionaries trying to tell Asians green tea is evil and will get you a ticket to Hell is probably a nightmare. Even here in the states, I know TBMs who openly drink green tea and have temple recs. One friend goes to Dutch Bros here in Az with her kids and posts pics of their flavored green teas on FB and says “getting our green tea...”. So they are deciding to give in to that.

Civil marriages before temple....not sure. On one hand, they could be afraid of the legal issues with gays. They could also finally be realizing that alienating families isn’t helping them grown as a church, but instead look more cultish. On the other, I am not sure because they lose control over parents/grandparents etc feeling pressure to pay tithing to attend their kids/grandkids weddings. That is actually one of the main reasons I told my older kids the truth. I couldn’t keep paying/attending regularly/wearing awful garments for years and years to be able to go, but I also wasn’t going to miss their weddings. So I did my best to help them see the truth about the Mormon church.

[Not Buying It]

I’ve been wrong before, but I am telling you people, President Nelson is an authoritarian with an authoritarian First Presidency. They are into retrenchment, not making members’ lives easier. They may be changes, but it won’t be a 2 hour block or civil marriage before sealings. He’s all about maintaining and consolidating control, not giving it up, and those two things are control mechanisms.

There will be no “good” changes this Conference.

[jfro18]

I think the civil marriage/sealing thing is very possible - the church is going to position themselves now so that if there is a law passed that they can no longer exclude gays from marriage, they can immediately cut civil marriages from the temple.

So for now the church can waive the 1-year "grace period" between civil marriages and temple sealings, positioning themselves to drop civil marriages altogether down the road without nearly as much of a disruption.

As for the 2 hour block... this gets rumored every time so who knows, but they've been testing it if you believe the many people claiming it, so maybe it's going to happen. Doesn't make the church any more true, but people would be so happy to get that 3rd hour back every week... it might help at least for a while.

[Just This Guy]

My FIL is a bishop in a rural ward with an older population. He has been doing a 2 hour black for several years on his own. However, he had to jump though some hoops to get the SP to allow it. So that much is doable if local leadership really ants to push for it. Of course, a grassroots movement for a 2 hour block would be the best way for the Q15 to institute an even longer block in retaliation.

I can't see the church changing the 1 year wait for US temple sealings unless they were forced to. It's too much of a control tactic for them for both new members and the sinners*. The church would loose a lot of their persevered power if people were allowed to marry without the temple and without social shame.


*Those who are not good enough liars to get a recommend, and are repentant enough to not leave.

[MerrieMiss]

I agreed to print off the ward program for the weeks before conference since the woman who does it is out of town. The topics? The Heart of a Prophet, the Prophet of God, and Prepare to Meet God (that sounds ominous!). Whatever happens, our ward is certainly preparing the sheep.

Maybe RMN will predict the second coming.

[Palerider]

I’ve been wrong before, but I am telling you people, President Nelson is an authoritarian with an authoritarian First Presidency. They are into retrenchment, not making members’ lives easier. They may be changes, but it won’t be a 2 hour block or civil marriage before sealings. He’s all about maintaining and consolidating control, not giving it up, and those two things are control mechanisms.

There will be no “good” changes this Conference.

"The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."

[Anon70]

I’ve been wrong before, but I am telling you people, President Nelson is an authoritarian with an authoritarian First Presidency. They are into retrenchment, not making members’ lives easier. They may be changes, but it won’t be a 2 hour block or civil marriage before sealings. He’s all about maintaining and consolidating control, not giving it up, and those two things are control mechanisms.

There will be no “good” changes this Conference.

The more hysterical/feverish TBM posts I read the more I’m back to feeling it’s all hype to get us to tune in. I hope I’m wrong though.

Maybe RMN will predict the second coming.

My ultra TBM former neighbor says this loudly and with confidence whenever RMN comes into conversation.

[Thoughtful]

--Two hour block
--More service only missions, teaching missions limited
--Double down on faith, obedience to leaders, and tithing
--more breadcrumbs and lip service for women
--more self congratulatory on abuse prevention, suicide prevention and our love for lgbt

[blazerb]

I’ve been wrong before, but I am telling you people, President Nelson is an authoritarian with an authoritarian First Presidency. They are into retrenchment, not making members’ lives easier. They may be changes, but it won’t be a 2 hour block or civil marriage before sealings. He’s all about maintaining and consolidating control, not giving it up, and those two things are control mechanisms.

There will be no “good” changes this Conference.

This. I have been told for 20+ years that "the Brethren" know that church is too long, we need a two hour block, etc. They do not act on it. I can't imagine them giving up the control of temple marriages. If something big were to happen, I would think canonization of the PotF or something like that.

[dogbite]

D&C 1:38
...whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

If only there was any way of knowing who they are. I'm putting my money on Blue Oyster Cult.

Three men in black said, "Don't report this."

[Hagoth]

Three men in black said, "Don't report this."

[Brent]

Costas: 2 seconds to go, the Mormons are down by 4, ball is on the LDS 33 yard line--this is the last chance to win...Nelson breaks the huddle Cook, Eyring and Oaks are all on the left side...snap is good...Nelson takes a three step drop...pocket is looking to collapse...Nelson rolls to his right, he's running out of real estate...plants his feet and heaves AND WHAT A THROW!!! Oaks is in the end zone...back pedals...AND CATCHES THE BALL!!!

Oaks: Today we have the honor of announcing that the most sacred ordinance in the entire Gospel is now open to all worthy members: The Second Anointing. The Second Anointing was available to the Saints in Nauvoo and here in the Salt Lake Valley when the Pioneers arrived. This is not the sort of ordinance that should be lobbied for or actively sought. IF you are worthy the Second Anointing will find you. Area Authority 70s will follow the promptings of the Spirit in submitting names to the First Presidency for approval. In such troubling times as we live now the Father has seen fit to share this blessing with his most worthy children, those who remain worthy and hold to the iron rod will have the opportunity to share in the same ordinance that our Savior performed with his original apostles. All the promises and penalties that attach themselves to all temple ordinances apply to this crowning glory. If you have further questions about this ordinance please look for the next edition of the Ensign where this information will be shared in an appropriate forum with due reverence.

Costas: The crowd is going crazy! The 15% tithers are rushing the bench looking for the appropriate 70---this is madness! With one throw Nelson has rewritten the rule book and given Saints around the world what may be the best reason ever to follow the Profit!

[Palerider]

The more hysterical/feverish TBM posts I read the more I’m back to feeling it’s all hype to get us to tune in. I hope I’m wrong though.


My ultra TBM former neighbor says this loudly and with confidence whenever RMN comes into conversation.

Regarding the hype issue, this is a very good possibility.

As far as the 2nd Coming, it's a little disconcerting that any Mormon who claims to believe the Bible could possibly think that God would tell a supposed prophet when the 2nd Coming will happen when Christ wouldn't tell his own Apostles. These people are way way out there.....

[Rob4Hope]

I am consulting my friend who works in the one of the adjunct tertiary hive ships of the Borg. I'll see what he has to say...

FLASH...

He said there are "TONS of rumors and things....he'll let me know when he gets to work. I'll repost then.

[Hagoth]

Oaks: Today we have the honor of announcing that the most sacred ordinance in the entire Gospel is now open to all worthy members: The Second Anointing. The Second Anointing was available to the Saints in Nauvoo and here in the Salt Lake Valley when the Pioneers arrived. This is not the sort of ordinance that should be lobbied for or actively sought. IF you are worthy the Second Anointing will find you. Area Authority 70s will follow the promptings of the Spirit in submitting names to the First Presidency for approval.

I think this would be a brilliant move. People would be falling all over themselves and going to incredible lengths of devotion and sacrifice to get the attention of the deciders. The church wouldn't have to do that many more 2nd Anointings, just toss out an occasional one to the unwashed huddled masses with some degree of fanfare, like winning a lottery, or Willy Wonka's golden ticket.