I'm gay?

[Emower]

I don't talk to Mom much anymore. My loss of faith has hit her pretty hard and we had some harsh words a few times. She called me today to ask me about some mundane stuff and since we hardly ever talk I tried to engage her talking about the grandkids. We ended up talking about parenting and I asked for some advice. She started talking to me about how parents are going to make mistakes, you are going to screw some things up, and children will suffer for it. You just have to do your best. The words she used and the context in which she used them made it quite clear that she was referring to herself messing things up with me with regards to the church. I couldn't let that go and I began trying to stress to her that my loss of faith had nothing to do with anything she did or did not do. I still love my mother and I cannot stand that she thinks that she has failed in any way. That is such an insidious thing that gets across in the church. Anyway, I was really trying to stress to her that my issues were very complex, ran quite deep, and affected me in some very meaningful ways. My purpose was to really emphasize without coming out and saying it outright that my problems with the LDS church are entirely the fault of the LDS church and no one else. In the middle of me expressing this I heard her inhale sharply and say "You're gay aren't you?"


Sigh. No mom, I'm not gay...

[Corsair]

How will you possibly let your wife know about this?!

[crossmyheart]

So... being gay would have been easier for her to handle than your loss of faith?

At least then the church is still true..

[wtfluff]

There always has to be an excuse for unbelief; If none of the excuses you've given your mom make sense to her, she'll make something like this up. It allows your mom to tame some of that cognitive dissonance that is causing her so much pain. She's likely been trained to do this for a very long time. Rational thinking is probably very dangerous to her worldview.

I remain (mostly) under cover with my immediate family, if/when my unbelief becomes completely public, I'm sure thought-terminating-clichés like this will be tossed around behind my back willy-nilly. I'm not so sure anyone will confront me directly, but I can think of some pretty funny answers that will make them very uncomfortable...

[alas]

I find the logic very telling in another way. You assure her that the problems you have with the church all all very much the fault of the church, and she jumps to you are gay. Seems maybe she might know that the church is wrong about gays.

Reminds me of the early 1970s. Many people knew the church was wrong about blacks but very few came right out and said it. Mostly I got assurances that someday, the church would change. But if you know it is only a matter of time until the church “corrects” something, isn’t that saying the church is wrong.

So, if she jumps from “it is all the church’s Fault’ to “then you must be gay” that is saying she knows somewhere in her head that is something the church really legitimately can be blamed for. See, there is hope for your mother.

[Red Ryder]

Here's how it's possible to make that assumption.

Mormonism strips all members of critical thinking ability from every fiber of their being. It all starts at 6 to 8 weeks old when as a new baby they are bounced up and down in front of the chapel surrounded by 8 to 10 men dressed in white shirts, ties, and a suit coat, who all wear the same pattern of underwear. They act in unison to bless and sanctify the child to future church milestones and clean living. At 18 months the mormon baby hits the first milestone, yea even the nursery where fruit snacks and goldfish await the growing child. At age 3, some form of maturity is measured that deems the child ready for full time primary each week. Coupled with daily prayers, scripture readings, and poorly planned Family Home Evening lessons, the mormon child is raised on a constant source of repetition, prophet worship, and love for everything Joseph Smith.

As the child grows and turns 12, the social pressures of Mormonism confine the child to seek acceptance from other mormon children whose brains are flooded with hormones and self loathing guilt from acting on normal and natural self sexual exploration. By the time the child is 18 they've already been interviewed at a minimum of 13 times to determine and discuss their worthiness and commitment to Jesus. At age 18/19 the child is preparing to dedicate the next 2 years to serving The Lord and building up the kingdom of God here on earth.

After two years of serving the social pressure to get married is hard and constant! Biological mating forces become so extreme that these Mormon adult infants decide to get married after only knowing their future spouse for 3 or 4 months. At this point the process repeats itself when a new baby mormon is born and bounced in front of the chapel.

Never during this time have these mormon children had to consider life outside of their mormon bubble where black isn't black and white isn't white, or where other religions, ideas, and philosophies exist. Or where whitewashed historical narratives become exposed and church betrayal becomes self evident. Their brains are on mormon autopilot.

So when Emower learns that Joseph Smith had more wives than pairs of shoes, his mom can only wonder why that would bother him? Her mind reflects back to his youth where he spent long hours herding sheep in beautiful New Mexican fields and can only think that perhaps her son was lonely and decided to diddle the sheep. Suddenly all of those long hours herding small farm animals made sense.

But did it?

"No, my young innocent son wouldn't do something like that", she tells herself as she lies awake night after night reviewing his childhood in her head as she lays awake wondering where she went wrong in raising such a handsome wonderful man. As her mind wonders off, she hears the echos of past prophets warning of homosexuality tied to masturbation and suddenly it all makes sense.

After years of washing his sheets each week... it all makes sense! It all makes sense...

When the phone call came in and Emower gently explained, "Mom, the church isn't true.... Joseph Smith made it all up!" It's only natural for his Mom to ask, "Son, are you gay?"

[Corsair]

I hate the fact that a real life situation causes your explanation to make logical nsense

[GoodBoy]

In the middle of me expressing this I heard her inhale sharply and say "You're gay aren't you?"

Sigh. No mom, I'm not gay...

Hahahahaha!!!