Pedophile Relative was Arrested--ongoing saga

[Thoughtful]

Pedophile relative was arrested and he was bonded out by my FIL within 3 hours of being booked. The charge was "unlawful contact with a child" and the bail was decently high. They couldn't even allow this creep to sit with his own discomfort in jail until the next morning. He was arrested at 4pm, would it have been so bad to let him rot until 9am or so the following day? No wonder he has kept at it for decades, he gets away with it every damn time, with his daddy's financial assistance and social capital from the LDS leaders.

My daughter that he was grooming is upset because she feels responsible for him getting in trouble. My son is ready to disown his grandparents. Spouseman and I are irritated and disgusted with the IL's choices of behavior in regard to supporting predators over victims.

[Angel]

so sorry - I have seen it, victims are blamed, abusers are protected - teach your kids to use their phones to videotape what is happening to them. Without recording what is happening there will be no justice.

Even with the abuse recorded - the abuser is still fighting charges in my fam - the only saving grace are those videotapes. Do everything you can to get recorded proof of what is happening.

hugs your way.

[dogbite]

so sorry - I have seen it, victims are blamed, abusers are protected - teach your kids to use their phones to videotape what is happening to them. Without recording what is happening there will be no justice.

Even with the abuse recorded - the abuser is still fighting charges in my fam - the only saving grace are those videotapes. Do everything you can to get recorded proof of what is happening.

hugs your way.

As with sexting this may well count as child porn. Proceed VERY carefully.

[Angel]

If something is happening in the home, set up surveillance cameras, and let the kids know where the cameras are.

Carrying around a cell phone is similar to carrying around a can of mace or a knife - a cell phone is a weapon. If something starts not feeling right, teach kids to get their phones out, and start recording what is happening.

No one believes kids, that is just the world we live in.

"The average pedophile molests 260 victims during their lifetime" - it is never about just one child. These people, it is a horrible disease - they are wolves in sheep's clothes.

[Thoughtful]

so sorry - I have seen it, victims are blamed, abusers are protected - teach your kids to use their phones to videotape what is happening to them. Without recording what is happening there will be no justice.

Even with the abuse recorded - the abuser is still fighting charges in my fam - the only saving grace are those videotapes. Do everything you can to get recorded proof of what is happening.

hugs your way.

As with sexting this may well count as child porn. Proceed VERY carefully.

Thank you--I am aware of all the implications of this working in the field I do, i provide training to others on how to handle it. In this scenario, my children are well separated from THIS particular perpetrator. However there are always others we don't know about, and telling a kiddo to turn on a videotape or recorder could be a way of empowering them. I will consider.

We do have records of some chats he sent to my child and we have a good detective and DA that are on their side. The arrest will get the perpetrator away from children at the very least.

[Thoughtful]

If something is happening in the home, set up surveillance cameras, and let the kids know where the cameras are.

Carrying around a cell phone is similar to carrying around a can of mace or a knife - a cell phone is a weapon. If something starts not feeling right, teach kids to get their phones out, and start recording what is happening.

No one believes kids, that is just the world we live in.

"The average pedophile molests 260 victims during their lifetime" - it is never about just one child. These people, it is a horrible disease - they are wolves in sheep's clothes.

Yep--this one was caught 30 year ago, and with the help of LDS leadership and LDS LEO, was able to get away with it completely. Thankfully the current DA and PD are well aware of what happened then and determined to do better. My town has a good track record for putting away predators and holding them accountable. I know they will do their best in this case, but I also know my ILs will do whatever they can to work around it. They are sick people.

[Angel]

Yep--this one was caught 30 year ago, and with the help of LDS leadership and LDS LEO, was able to get away with it completely. Thankfully the current DA and PD are well aware of what happened then and determined to do better. My town has a good track record for putting away predators and holding them accountable. I know they will do their best in this case, but I also know my ILs will do whatever they can to work around it. They are sick people.

It is a healing balm when a predator is locked up. Yes, I have learned NOT to count on the church for help - quite the opposite, they will help and hug the abuser, and blame the victim - thank G-d for the DA and PD, that is all I can say. I do like teaching kids to use cell phones - it is something they can easily carry around, and something they can easily use. Best wishes to you, fight the good fight!

[Lithium Sunset]

I don't have the heart to add personal experiences to this thread, but I wanted to send all the love and support I possibly could through this simple reply.

[IT_Veteran]

I don't have any words of wisdom. Just to say hang in there, people around you DO care about what happens. Protect your family. Tell the in-laws to go to hell.

[Thoughtful]

We went to a function last night where his former employer was. Employer took me aside and said he's livid about the whole situation. He's putting pressure on church leaders to do their duty as mandated reporters and stop this nonsense of enabling and protecting. It's nice to talk to reasonable people, because the ILs have all gone off the deep end.

[alas]

I hope this does not come across at all like I am supporting your jerk in laws, but.....

Often the people caught between relatives when there is in family sexual abuse THINK they are being “neutral” and try to carry on with life having a relationship with both the victim and the perp. They fail to understand that they really do have to “take sides”. They have to show both the victim and the perp that they are angry at the perp. In refusing to do this, those trying to protect the victim feel that the “neutral” people are firmly on the perp’s side, or in denial. It is kind of sad that they don’t know how to just tell the perp that what they did as wrong and that part of the consequences is facing the fact that they have damaged family relationships.

I guess just keep this in mind for ten years from now when they try to repair the relationship with you. What you in laws are doing is sadly very normal.

[StarbucksMom]

Thoughtful, I am sorry you are going through all of this. I hope my comments are not out of line, but here is my take on it. If your in laws, particularly FIL support the perp, then does he have hidden skeletons in his own closet from many years ago? (I am not thinking or suggesting he has hurt your children.) Probably not, but can they be trusted to protect your children from harm? Absolutely not. I would say something like this to my in laws "Since you are supporting the child perp, your behavior shows that you support his actions also. Therefore, we are unable to trust you with caring for and protecting our children. You will not be allowed to be alone with them, you may be able see them when we are present, however." You have probably already done this, but that is what I would do. Never ever allow my kids to be in the care of someone who supports child pedophiles.

[Thoughtful]

Thanks.

My ILs are literally killing themselves to try to be neutral and preserve unity. One had a major medical stress caused incident this week. They do not get it, and while I get that it's a "normal" response, it's the same kind of "normal" that results in church leaders protecting their buddies from EQ over victims.

They have zero access to my children. They are working to ostracize me in family and at church, I'm the scapegoat and in their eyes, I'm causing this rift in the family. Spouseman is more disillusioned by them daily.